how do i make my husband understand that me being a stay at hm mom that its hard and just like a job..

Jmmerrit - posted on 08/04/2013 ( 23 moms have responded )

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My days are always the same,wake by my 4yr old jumping on top of me. taking care of my 6mnth old,4yr old and 12 yr old. And at the same time im cleaning,cooking,feeding, throwed up on,pulled hair and, being yelled at or hearing yelling and fussing all day and by the time my husband gets home my house looks like I never touched it . And when my husband gets home I cook super clean up wash dishes give baths I don't even get to take a bath alone if its not my 4yr old walking in its my husband yelling at me wanting to know whats taken so long because he is having to watch the kids.. I feel like if I don't get help or just a little respect what I do everyday seven days a week 24hrs a day that im going to runaway...I mean my husband does work hard yes I know that but I don't get to clock out he comes home eats,take a shower,smoke on porch,watch tv, then he goes to bed I don't get honey do u need anything or can I help or let me handle the kids and you go get a long bath and take some me time.. I mean I don't get nothing and I don't understand am I wrong for the way I feel? but it makes me feel like just because he leaves the house everyday to work that he works harder and does more than me.. He has even told me that he would switch spotes with me anytime I can go to work and he would stay home and lay around with the kids all day.. that's really what he thinks I do all day lay around watch tv and run the roads everyday and I don't im sick of it I want some respect.. and be treated like im a wife and mother and not a slave.

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Kim - posted on 08/07/2013

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I am mother to 4 eldest 21 youngest 13' divorced 12 yrs ago.I am still a homemaker remarried 4 yrs ago. my husband has no kids of his own. he travels out of state mon. to thursday.he owns a business there breaks his as s comes homes and says what can I do for you? it's your man I am sorry to say. he does not respect you as a women or mother.it is the hardest thing to do with no pay or vacation. I am still at home because of I wasn't they would be out of control teens with no guidance.3 under 18 still do wk end visits with thier father. the 21 yr old son saw his father last when he turned 18'. he knew I tolerated his father's disrespect for them. calling me lazy all those yrs for not working outside the home. although I baby sat and did jobs from home to support them. I am proud to say my son graduates college this yr with honors works in an IT department for a college and couldn't make me and my husband more proud. my x stole his college fund but with help of a scholarship and my wonderful husband my son has no college loans when he it's done. reevaluate your situation. if he doesn't change he never will.sorry to be do blunt but I have been there.put your kids first. if he doesn't respect you neither will they.

Amanda - posted on 08/06/2013

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I know how you feel.....I'm the same way and no matter how much i tell my husband that i just need to get out and do something by myself, or just have some alone time, he doesn't understand. I have to say though, my husband is usually pretty good being as i'm pregnant with our 5th child....he tries to do whatever he can....but honestly he's not giving me that break i need....i need to be away from the kids for a little bit.....yes he tries and takes the kids into another room so i can relax, but i'm still hearing the screaming, whining, crying, fighting. He doesn't understand how that gets to someone....even though he can't stand being in the house for more then a couple mins. when they are being that way. He is a farmer so there are nights he doesn't come home till after 10pm(everything is at his dad's farm, 15 mins away).....we only have one vehicle so he has it every day, and normally we really don't have the money for me to get out and do anything anyways.....you are not wrong for feeling that way.....it's all very overwhelming. I wish i had an answer for you, or something to make you feel better. I just hope for your sake things will get better along the way.....One day he just needs to look after the kids for you while you have a little outing even if it's for the night....and make a list of things that you do in a day, and make sure he does all those things. See how he feels after one day of being a Stay at home mom/dad.......
Good luck.....and just remember that we know how hard it is to do our job as a parent. Sometimes its just nice to know that you aren't the only one out there feeling the same way, and that you have someone you can just vent to!!

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Amanda - posted on 08/27/2013

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I know how you feel . I'm a mother of two and I'm young I'm only 22 I have a 14 month old and a now 5 week old . And my fiancée doesn't really understand how hard it can be sometimes . Sometimes I feel like the only way for to him to understand is if he stayed home with them full time.

Jmmerrit - posted on 08/14/2013

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AND GENA IS THE ONLY WAY TO INVITE MOMS IS TO HAVE A FACEBOOK? CUS IF THAT IS SO ILL NEVER BEABLE TO INVITE ANYONE CUS I DONT TRUST FACEBOOK AT ALL.. AND TO LET YOU KNOW I REALLY ENJOY TALKING TO YOU..

MICHELLE

Jmmerrit - posted on 08/14/2013

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I don't know why im still around maybe its because I do love him and I know who he really is deep down and maybe im hoping that one day that man will show back up.. I know that he loves me but he don't know how to show it he believes into that tuff love thing especially with our boys.. See my oldest isn't his and im very defensive when it comes to things with Jordan that's my 13yr old.. Cus before I meet my husband it was just us for years and I never disaplined him cus I always felt bad for doing it cus I always felt like I owed my son due to his dad being a deadbeat.. But then my husband came into our life we have been together for 9yrs and im still having problems with my husband disapline my son.. I shouldn't be this way my husband has supported us all this time jordans real dad has not helped with one cent and is always in n out of jail.. please help me deal with this my husband is really is father he is the one that's been here supporting him and teaching him rite from wrong when I allow him too.. I feel that's why my husband treats me the way he does maybe if I showed him more respect then he would show me respect.. please tell me what to do...

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I was a stay at home mom for two years . My soon to be Ex- Husband thought that it was the easiest job, after all I was at home all day... I completely understand what you are going through. But sometimes its very simple the man simply expects you do to do everything and that is it. He is used to you doing everything always, so since everything is always done he probably thinks that is YOUR job. Since he's paying all the bill you can at least do that ! I mean you do get to stay home all day and not "work". ( I am being sarcastic btw) My husband used to make taking care of the kids sound so easy. But when I left him with the kids for more then 40 minutes he would be blowing up my phones asking when am I gonna get home. Not to mention he had another child that I took care of as well and did everything for . Sometimes men fall into a pattern of expecting things out of you . Men are visual creatures the only way he will truly understand you need a break, if it doesn't work by you simply telling him. Is if you physically show him this is difficult, you need his help with the kids sometimes too. Let me guess he's stingy with the money too? Since he pays the bills he needs to clock your spending if you need a dime? I had to literally get taken to the ambulance when my neck stiffened up due to stress for me to realize this is not only my job to take care of the kids. I know we all would like to be Superwoman but we can't do everything , for everyone, ever time. Look up Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Hopefully he's just a man under stress but if he's not I can relate to your situation and after I left my husband I saw an article and the behaviors were all too familiar. Remember you are a MOTHER first then a Wife , maybe some will beg differ. But you can do bad all by yourself. My husband never helped me with the kids outside of the bare minimum, now that we are done I feel so much less stressed. Family has helped me with my kids a lot and it has improved my health tremendously. Good Luck :)

Gena - posted on 08/11/2013

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Michelle, what are you still doing around him? This is NOT the way a wife gets treated,I mean he cant even help you when you are sick?!If i were you i would go to a couples therapy.I mean its just the last thing to do is let your wife still do everything when she is sick.And even when you are healthy,he should give you breaks and appreciate what you do all day.I sometimes get a bit mad with my hubby when he leaves his socks on the floor,but then i must think to myself,he always comes home straight after work,he plays with our son,gives me breaks,takes care of me when i am sick and every dinner he gives me a kiss and says thank you for cooking.I have no reason to complain.But your husband realy start respecting you!Its a pleasure to talk with you..

Jmmerrit - posted on 08/10/2013

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It really does not matter Gena W. how much I try to talk to him it always ends up the same I really do love him but I don't feel like he loves me .. I really wish he would comfort me when I need it or hold me when im crying or even help out when im sick but it never happens. Not long ago I had a very bad kendey infection and could hardly walk due to the pain but I still had to take care of the kids and keep the house in order and super dinner cooked.. I didn't get the honey go lay down ill take care of everything or a hug or even him holding me nothing.. I found out that I have been having seziours sence my 6mnth old was born and when I have one he don't even ask me if im okay or can I do anything to help...I wonder sometimes how would it be if something ever happen to me I pray to god that my kids would be looked after I would never want to leave my kids I love them so much..I don't know whats wrong with him maybe he feels I don't need any of that but I do.. thanks a lot for talking to me..

Gena - posted on 08/10/2013

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does he actualy still realy love you? Or is he just around because you take care of everything and its easy for him to come home put his feet up? I think you should seriously talk to him and tell him exactly how you feel and that you are beeing treated like a slave..and that should stop! A man must respect a woman just like we respect our men.

Jmmerrit - posted on 08/09/2013

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I would nevvvvver beable to leave my kids and house work to my husband for a week , Because I would come into A home that would either be burnt down or barily standing... And my kids oh lord I really don't even want to think about it, its that scary. All I want is my husband to respect me and what I do everyday all day 24hrs a day.. And of course show me a little love and support, I can be crying about anything and he walks on by I don't get whats wrong honey can I do anything to make you feel better , nothing..but anyway im glad to hear that your hubby does help u....

Jmmerrit - posted on 08/09/2013

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My husband don't understand nothing but whatever is important to him.. I am starting to feel like I could have a nerves breakdown and I really don't think he cares.. I asked him to add up how much it would cost if I weren't here and he had to pay for a nanny,cook,doctor,nurse,densist,maid,and of course a whore and then think about how much im worth.. Hummm then he looks at me and says im sure I can find a women to do it cheaper than you.. wow !!!!!!! But it don't matter im here and my kids need me .that's really all I care about and no my husband has no respect for me I even wonder if he loves me .. I truly hope all you ladies life is happier than mine..

Gena - posted on 08/09/2013

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Believe me,leave the kids with him for a week you will come home to TOTAL chaos! I left my son with hubby for 1 day and he couldnt clean and look after the little one at the same time..the house was a MESS! Hubby thinks they work so hard,maybe the work is hard but at break time they can use the break for them selfs etc.As a mom you never have a break.. I am glad i do it like this with my hubby, when he comes home from work he does play time with our son and i can cook.He then takes him for a bath so i get some time for myself. I also tell him on weekends sometimes that i am going to read for an hour and he can play with our son.Glad he understands that i also need a break every now and then. Can you ask your hubby to watch the kids atleast 30min?Tell him its also good for them to bond with daddy.

Jmmerrit - posted on 08/06/2013

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I just wish we as moms could role play and our husbands do our jobs for one week.. I bet they wouldn't make it through one day..

Jmmerrit - posted on 08/05/2013

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Denikka I feel so sorry for you because my husband and your husband sounds like twins.. But as much as I ask I only get complaining that he wwwwooorrrkkked all day hummm and I ask what in the hell do you think I did? well its so bad here I cant even take a bath alone and if I do its around 2am or so after I got all the kids there bath and tucked in..i sure do need advise like you and until we do I guess u and I could cry together!!!!! that's when we have time to do that even..


Michelle mother of 4

Denikka - posted on 08/05/2013

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I have 3 kids (4yrs, 2.5yrs and newborn (4 weeks)) and my hubby is the same way. He has said so many times that he would switch roles with me and have me go to work and him stay home. Only problem there is that he can't cook worth a damn (KD and hotdogs is about his limit), his cleaning skills are sub par (horrifically half assed) and he can't watch the kids for a couple hours by himself without them getting into/destroying something (entire bottles of shampoo AND conditioner in the tub for bubbles, entire bottles of dish soap on the floor, entire bags of flour everywhere, etc)

My solution is to have the kids pick up the slack that their dad leaves :P
They help me with the chores (dishes out of the dishwasher, laundry into the washer and from the washer to the dryer and from dryer to the room, pick up toys, etc). It makes it a lot easier on me and gives me some extra time during the day. I also pick my priorities. Some things have to be done everyday. We eat, the dishes get done, at least one load of laundry gets done, and the floors get swept. Anything else is just bonus.
And on the rare occasion that my partner has decided to complain, I stop doing everything but food for a couple days. Kids get fed (and supervised), nothing else gets done. I've only had to do it a couple times in the past 5 years we've lived together, and it shuts him up pretty quick. Between the house and the cold shoulder, he usually puts it together and starts helping me clean. I don't expect much help (he's hopeless for the most part), but I do expect appreciation and if he's gonna complain, he's gonna get a smack of reality.

Sal - posted on 08/04/2013

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I think sometimes they really don't get it.. A friend of mines husband suggested she should go back to work, she then asked him to price a cook a cleaner , a nanny, a driver and a hooker... Then give up his weeknight sport and weekend nights out:.As she wouldn't have time or energy to be a wife and commute work full time and be a mum too...she is still at home..
But like the last post suggested you have to find some time for your self... And you need to ask your hubby to help out a little, not coming home to cook meals and do washing but just the little stuff he wouldn't even imagine would be helpful..
I was quiet sick last year and my hubby quickly came to realise just how much a stay home mum does, especially seen as my parents came and stayed for 3 weeks just to help with the kids and house work, he knew he had not a hope in hell of working running the house alone kids one still at home all day and run me around to the dr etc... He is a changed man, now I'm pregnant again and he can't help out enough, he works shift work but cooks on his nights home, does the school run, he just appreciates what I do now..

Jmmerrit - posted on 08/04/2013

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to liz thanks a lot sorry for any wrong spelling my 6mnth old is trying tohelp me type.. But I do thank u so much..

Elisabeth Van Der - posted on 08/04/2013

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Dear Michelle
I am very sorry that your husband has no respect for you as a stay at home mom. Our society does not teach our men to appreciate stay at home moms. I have 4 children also and what I have learned from my own experience is to plan a little rest time for yourself. Having an older child in the home they maybe willing to read the little one a story. Try to have your 6 mn go for an afternoon nap. When this quiet time comes you must sit and relax. The cleaning, dishes and other chores must wait. Remember people who work at a job out of the house get a half hour break in the morning and also in the after. With having some rest you will be able to enjoy your lovely children and remember you are doing the most important job in the world. Maybe on the days when your husband is home from work let him play or watch a movie with the little one, see if he will jump in to help a little. Take small steps with your husband, ask him to hold the baby while you do your hair. It sounds like he thinks you have everything covered anyway. I hope this helps Michelle. You sound like a wonderful. Take rest win you can! Liz

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