how do i say no to a mother in law regarding my son

[deleted account] ( 1 mom has responded )

i am a stay at home mom. i just need some advice on how to say no to my mother in law about my son. We visit her frequently so she can see her grandson on a frequent basis. I know she loves him very much but when it comes to me being a mother sometimes I feel as though she does not acknowledge me that I am his mother. For example when he was a little younger around 2 years of age he and her were playing outside of the house and when I went to go check on them they were no nowhere in sight to be seen. At that point I was so worried and angry to the fact she did not bother telling me where they were. Apparently she took him out for a walk around and the neighborhood and did not think it was important to tell me where she was taking him. I was furious. Now he's three years old and she wants to take him on errands with her and I don't feel comfortable her taking him. On top of that she wouldn't buckle him in a car seat because she does not have one. How do I say no without harming the relationship and hurting her feelings?

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Robin - posted on 02/11/2013

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That's tough, but I find with any tough situation that you have to confront, doing the positive-negative-positive sandwich works. Start off with a positive comment such as "I'm really happy you love spending so much time with my son..." then move to the issue "and I'm sure his safety is really important to you so I will show you how to put his car seat in your vehicle..." and end positively "I know these car seats can be tricky to put in sometimes" or something like that. This is just an example for that one particular situation. As long as you approach in a calm, respectful manner, she shouldn't take offence. Then again, I don't know your mother in law, everyone is different!

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