how do i talk to someone??

Cleaver - posted on 01/20/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )

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my mom has these 2 friends ones male the others female so this wont be hard its mostly about the he though...

he has 2 daughters 18 and 19 he treats them like they are children still, here is an example the 18 yo was 15 minutes late last night because the bus was late and shes grounded (yes he grounded his 18yo) for 2 weeks then she protested because it really wasn't her fault so now shes grounded for 5 weeks. they both have cell phones under their names, they pay for them he has nothing to do with their cellphones and he confiscates them when they do something he doesn't like. the 19yo was asking for advice today and i was so surprised that everyone was taking their dads side saying stuff like hes just worried (let me say that at 18 i was often home at 3 am) i think its a little more then worried.
both of them when they are asked why they are still living there, their answer is he pays for college, not i love him i cant do that to him... i am almost sure that with how he treats them as soon as they are out of school and are financially independent hell never really hear from them. they are trying everything to make their father see them as adults like paying rent
should i talk to him about my concerns?? or just let it be?

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Jodi - posted on 01/20/2013

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It's none of your business. If these girls want to be treated like adults, why do they need someone to step in for them? The best advice you could give them is that if he refuses to view them as adults, after they try to sit down and talk to him like young adults, is to either live with it or find a way to be financially independent. I don't personally agree with his methods either, and wouldn't consider treating my adult children this harshly, BUT it isn't your place to interfere with that.

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Cleaver - posted on 01/21/2013

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they pay for the cell phone not him, he does pay for everything else though.
i did the best thing i can without interfering, i told them that if they ever need a night away i have a blow up mattress, if they get to a certain place which is closest place public transit will take them my husband will get them. he wouldn't have anything against one or both of them staying here best that way.

Chaya - posted on 01/20/2013

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Tell the dad to grow up. If they attend a church or have some sort of extra home resources that you are aware of, appeal to them. You could suggest to the daughters that they call the police for theft of their cell phones. If you mention it in the parents presence, they may get a clue.

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