how do u get your child to like the new man in your life thats not his father??

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Medic - posted on 05/12/2011

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You cannot force your child to like anyone that is not their father. It is not your decision.

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Teena - posted on 05/21/2011

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My aunt was in the same position many years ago. When she brought the guy to meet the kids, my little cousin kick him in the shin and said I don't like you get away from my mommy. In the end my cousin was a good judge of character, he ended up being a very bad man. Keep in mind kids know more than we give them credit for.

Chrissie - posted on 05/15/2011

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He has to make an honest effort, and he has to really want that bond with your child. Kids aren't stupid they'll know when its phony. And if you push it, it will just make it worse. Your child may not come around immediately, that is not uncommon. But you cant make them feel bad about it either or they'll feel like they get in trouble for not being comfortable with someone. And you don't want that either. Juts give them time.

Jane - posted on 05/14/2011

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1 yr olds are in the beginning of a cranky period. so they are particular anyway, but you can't make anyone, child or adult like someone that they don't.

Andrea - posted on 05/14/2011

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You can't force your kids to like the new man you have picked, because YOU picked him, they didn't.



Please don't think I'm bashing on you dating because I'm a mom who has remarried myself, everyone deserves to be loved. That said though you can't "make" you kids like the new man, or love him or anything else like that. What you can do is help them get used to having him around.



Introduce him to their little lives SLOWLY and only once you are dead certain the relationship has legs, if they are meeting a new man every few months they are going to get sick of it pretty darn quick! DS didn't meet DP until we had been dating for 6 months and we knew we were serious, we had seriously discussed marriage and living arrangements etc.



Even then, at first it was a short trip to the park (neutral territory) one weekend, a trip to the zoo another, wandering around on the beach another time, after quite a few visits DP came for dinner, but I did the night routine by myself as per normal. If DP stayed over in the early months I made sure he was well and truly gone before DS got up! We also did allot of prep work before DP moved in, making sure DS understood that he was coming to live with us etc. Even with all that we still have our moments, but they formed their own relationship that doesn't include me which is also important, DP has taken every opportunity DS has given him to grow a relationship and run with it "can you read me a book " SURE, "can I ride in the car with you?" SURE (he did check with me first) "can you play leg go with me" SURE! The other thing is especially with older kids, you need to handle the discipline, not the new man, he doesn't yet have the relationship foundation to be managing that process.



Lastly while no you can't make them like him you can and absolutely should MAKE them show your new partner respect and enforce the use of manners around him. A little please and thank you goes a long way.

Jenniffer - posted on 05/14/2011

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I think it takes time. I have to agree with some of the posts about not letting your kids meet the new man. I have no idea were youa re at in life ect.... It is not my place to tell what you should or shouldnt do. But I do have a friend that has made this transition very well:) and she made everything fun at first make it a date for the kdis to get to bond with him. Its not like a a couple just out of the blue had a family and lived togeather;) the kids and the new man need to court

Kaitlyn - posted on 05/14/2011

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Why do they NEED a new man in their life? Or you for that matter? They NEED to be YOUR first priority and this question is obvious that they are not! Sorry, JMO!!

Angelique - posted on 05/12/2011

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its not up to you its up to that man and child to have a bond.. and for the man to reach out to the child. im divorced and when we 1st split i never let my kids any man i was dating unless we were dating a while and very happy. well i let them meet the new man in my life almost 3 years ago and they love him and he loves them!! they bonded and got to know each other sometimes i think they like him better then their own father lol hope that helped..

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