how do you add a step father?

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Heather - posted on 12/16/2009

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With my husband, we started just hanging out with the kids, then he kind of became their best friend. They wanted to do everything with him. (It helps that they didn't have a male role model other then him). So when we got married they were happy that he was always around.

Lisa - posted on 12/16/2009

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As a step-mother myself, I would advise you to let him start out as a big "buddy" to the kids, then let the relationship grow over time. If your kid(s) dad is still in the picture, your new husband won't need to fill that role and will just become another "parent" the kids love and respect. But if real dad has fallen off the face of the earth, step-dad will eventually grow to take his place.



Just remember, no one came to you and said, "Surprise! Here is your new husband! I want you to be his wife and do everything he tells you to do." So don't think your kids will respond the same way, either. Let him "court" them by being their friend, getting to know them and letting them get to know him. If it is a good fit, in about two years they will be calling him "dad." (Or if having two dads just creep them out, at least treating him with the same sort of love and respect.)



Two last pieces of advice. When discipline happens, always present a united front to the kids. Discuss things in advance so you are always in agreement. If he has to discipline without you in an emergency, the kids will know that he is only doing what you would do if you were there. Also, while it is important to make new family memories with trips and special days together, be sure to always include special time alone with you and each child. Never let them believe that the new hubby has taken all of your affection away from them. All divorced kids worry about this. Nip it in the bud.

Dusty - posted on 12/16/2009

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well, i have had a few of those and you have to be careful not to throw him in your kids faces. let you kids know that you not trying ot replace there dad but just adding some one else that they can go to when they need help. let him just be friends with the kid(s) dont let him be the one to give out punishments(if you do all your are going to get is your not my dad and will not go very far) those are the frist things that need to happen let you kids trust him but dont make them feel bad if they dont.

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