how do you deal with a grieving 7 year old girl whos lost a family member?

Corinna - posted on 01/20/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )




Rebecca has lost her uncle/godfather and at the moment she is ok at some stages. i was the one who had to break it to her and i broke it the easiest way possible. he was 29 a dj and was battling cancer for 5 years before unfortunitly it took him a week ago . i too am finding it hard as he was a close friend i knew for years. but at the moment she is more important and she is finding trouble sleeping eating and gets bad humoured easily. i have tried the gentle approach.

have told her to come talk anytime she needs to or misses him i have even made an album with his pics in it. i also have tried not letting her get away with things too much as her siblings are watching and its rubbing off them. i am stuck as no she is starting that if i even find probs with her she brings up she misses her uncle i know its only a week ago but am afraid it will continue and will have more probs on my head. help!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Jennifer - posted on 01/20/2010




I would not let her get away with the bad behaviors. You just need to talk to her and tell her that you know she misses her uncle and you do too, but behaving badly because of it is inappropriate. Tell her when she starts missing him she needs to talk to someone. Just make sure you tell her she doesn't always have to talk to you about it. She can talk to grandma, grandpa, friend, anyone. You just have to explain appropriate ways to grieve. If she has never experienced anything like this, then she just doesn't know what is ok to do and not to do.

Heather - posted on 01/20/2010




Hi i'm sorry to hear about your loss..i know what your going through i have 3 children 12,7 and 2 on sat all of whom are grieving in there own way for there dad who we lost in August.My eldest Chyna is tearful and always talks about the memories she has,Kathleen my 7 yr old hasnt reacted with tears or anything yet although her behaviour has somewhat gone down hill she too uses the fat she misses her dad when she misbehaves..and Shawna~Lewize knows daddy is in heaven and points at pictures..i gave them an exercise book each and told them it was a memory book to write and draw pictures of what memories they hold of their dad to help them get through it..also school have put in place mentors for the older 2 to go speak to when they want...there is also a website called cruse specially for bereaved children it might be helpful to look on there...its been 5 months for us and were still finding it difficult to come to terms with but i know 1 day it'll get easier for them...just like it will for Rebecca hope you find solice in knowing that he is in a better place and out of pain now...xx

Leona - posted on 01/20/2010




Hi Corinna,
My daughter, lost a friend of hers last year and had a very difficult time with it. She was 9 at the time and her friend was 8. I think she had many emotions going on - including a realization of her own mortality - this was very difficult. She made a scrapbook and wrote several poems and letters to her friend. She did this on her own and I believe it was part of her grieving process. I just stood by her side and answered all of her questions....supported her. I too have 5 children and have noticed that they all went through a natural phase, where they were asking questions about just makes it so much more difficult, when they lose someone dear to them.
Sorry for your loss.


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Mary - posted on 01/20/2010




it will take time my mum died when my oldest daughter was 10 and my 2nd child was 2 You will have to start conversations about her uncle/godfather and all the good times and keep reassuring your daughter that he loved her to get her to talk about him. i no it will be hard on you but there is no easy fix.I gave my daughters something that was special to my mum ie a teddy and a jewellery box for my oldest it helped a little but talking is the best cure.But don't let her get away with bad behaviour as it will only get worse.My heart and thoughts are with you at this sad time.

Cindy - posted on 01/20/2010




I'm sorry she is going through this it does have to be hard on a child that young. I would maybe see if you can find someone for her to talk to and if you could not afford to go some where, maybe a counselor at school would be willing to talk with her. I really do hope things get better soon for you and the family.

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