How do you do it all?

[deleted account] ( 40 moms have responded )

I am completely overwhelmed by all the cleaning... and my husband's cleaning expectations...

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

User - posted on 12/30/2008

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It wasn't until my husband had to stay home with the kids a couple days that he found out that it's hard to take care of the kids, have the house clean, laundry done, supper cooked every day. When I came home, he was like "I'm so tired the kids were driving me crazy. I need a break!" :() Everyone who lives in the home that is old enough (even my 16 month old helps with the chores and helps clean up her toys) should have a chore to take some of the pressure off you. You could also assign a night that everyone gets together and cleans a room. There's just certain places that don't get cleaned very often becaue I don't have that many hours to do it and that helps to get it all done.

Desiree - posted on 12/22/2008

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As long as you have kids, your house is never going to be 100% clean. I've learned to do just a few things a day. For eg. Mondays is Clean the bathrooms and vacuum, Tuesdays is Change the sheets and wash the kitchen floor...etc. Things like laundry and dishes never ends so I do those throughtout the day. I would much rather play with my kids then clean all day. My fiance does complaine that certain things are not clean, so I just tell him that if he has a problem with it, he can clean it!

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Carrie - posted on 06/15/2011

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I do a few things every day. I have a specific day of the week for a specific chore and sometimes since my 5 yo doesn't nap she helps also if I have errands I don't feel like I can't because of the stuff I have to do at the house.

Eugenie - posted on 01/02/2009

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I didn't have the patience to read through ALL of the other posts but I did see one that I totally agree with. Sit down with your husband and find out exactly what he would like done every day. I spent every day trying to make sure the living room was spotless because that's the first room you see when you walk in the house. Come to find out, he would prefer the kitchen to be clean (because like someone else posted, he cooks dinner) and he wanted our bedroom and bathroom clean (go figure). He didn't even care about the living room because he knew we would all be messing it up again before dinner anyway. Good Luck!

Jacquelyn - posted on 01/02/2009

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I feel the same way as you do, overwhelmed! I am a working mom though and soon to be a SAHM. I will need all the advice I can get from here. My current worries are housework and finding a another source of income.

Anna - posted on 01/02/2009

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my answer is quick and easy . . .

DH LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS!

OR I would be more than happy to train a new maid, chef, nanny and taxi driver that you hire for me.

Blanca - posted on 12/30/2008

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I have 4 energetic boys under 7 yrs. old. 1) Like some of the other moms, I divide my house and do a little each day. 2)The thing that has worked for me is keeping all the toys in one room (playroom). This keeps toys from being all over the house. Don't get me wrong, I still find toys in other rooms but I can work with that. Having a designated place helps us. 3)In the mornings, I have my 5 and 7 year old bring me all the dirty clothes and put it in the laundry room. 4)Remember, the grass isn't always greener on the other side! :)

Cindy - posted on 12/29/2008

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You can't do it all and this is also my number one struggle as a mom. My husband is layed back about the house, however my mom was OCD so I constantly struggle with wanting everything perfect & rarely can I achieve this. Someone once told me cleaning house with kids was like shoveling snow in a blizzard. As for your husband if his expectations are beyond your capabilities, you may want to find another couple with several children where the husband has more realistic expectations. If all else fells maybe try leaving him home for a weekend alone with your kids & taking time for yourself. When you return I bet you he will have a better idea of how hard it is & have more realistic expectations. After all keeping a orderly home is a family/team effort, not the effort of only one.

Kim - posted on 12/29/2008

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I have found the best way to do laundry! I have always done my laundry in one day, but I never folded it until the end of the day, because I liked to fold everything at once, and only go in drawers and closets once. But just recently I started doing each person's laundry alone, 3 kids ages 14, 13 and 9, and a husband. I hang and fold everything immediately in the laudry room and everyone gets their own basket It goes much smoother. sometimes I do it all in one day, sometimes over a few days. Depends on my mood...I hate laundry! of course whites are done alone, but otherwise the boys wear dark colors and my husband and I do mine alone also, so I usualy have 2 loads. It works for me....but I don't mind laundry in the hampers all week!

Victory - posted on 12/29/2008

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i understand completely my bf says oh you don't clean or do a good enough job well when you have a 8an a half month old and a 22 month old its hard to keep it sparkling clean

Sarah - posted on 12/29/2008

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As every other mother of toddlers and new-borns I too struggle to stay on top of the house work, but I have found 2 things have been a big help in keeping not only my husband happy, but also my own spirits up. The first thing I do every day is make sure that our front family room is clean right before my husband gets home. It is the first room he sees when he comes home, and it alows him to at least walk into a clean area even if I didnt get to the rest of the house. The second thing I do is always make sure that my husbands clothes are cleaned, pressed, and hanging in the closet for him. He is a professional and likes his shirts and pants to be ironed, and his shoes to be clean in the morning. If he is missing something he will go searching through the laundry room and get very frustrated, but as long as I have his things done, he wont notice the basket of socks sitting in the laundry room that I have been meaning to pair for a week and a half.

These two things are really very attainable and have been a huge help for me.

Noelani - posted on 12/29/2008

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Here is something if your hubby thinks that housework should be all done with food on the table when he gets home. Do it reverse you go out for the weekend and let him be A Crashed test Mommy and see who has the hard job of raising children and trying to keep a house clean all at the same time then he will realize that we all mom's are doing the best as we can I hope this kinda helps

User - posted on 12/29/2008

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I used to struggle with it too. It became a sickness. Everything had to be in its place. I stopped one day and looked around and told myself that I was missing out on everything with my kids and that I was a stress case that they didnt want to be around when I got into that mood. I used to jump out of bed before I was even awake because I knew that there was a mess to clean up. NOT HEALTHY!!!

I decided that a home should be lived in and should be enjoyed. However it also doesnt have to be gross. So all I ask is that people pick up after themselves, and clean the kitchen!!! LOL nothing worse then a messy kitchen.

Lorilynne - posted on 12/27/2008

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But as others have said, find out what the most important things are to your husband and try and get to those. For my husband its clean floors and a clean kitchen. And for some reason, a made bed which I don't really understand because we're just going to get right back in it. If I do those things, he doesn't notice if I didn't get to dust or pick up all the baby toys or put away the laundry. We have a pretty good system and we hardly ever argue about the cleaning, maybe just over who has to do dishes ha, ha

Lorilynne - posted on 12/27/2008

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Ha, I don't do it all. I do a little bit each day but I told my husband that I think there are more important and productive ways for me to spend my day then keeping the house spotless. He grew up in a house that was cleaned top to bottom every day and no one was allowed to spill or make a mess. I don't want to live like that. My house is clean but probably not as clean as it could be. I don't care though, if my husband wants things done a certain way than he has to do them himself or hire a maid. I do not allow him to give me a hard time about it because I always remind him that he doesn't know what its like to stay home with 2 kids all day. When he can do that and keep the house clean then I would be more than willing to do it too. That always shuts him up, lol.

Erica - posted on 12/26/2008

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My house isn't perfectly clean, but it's also not a disaster. (It's mainly clutter in a few rooms, not actual dirt and grime.) I have a rule called "living things first." That means that my daughter, my husband, and my dog are my priorities, and, then, there's everything else. Instead of keeping a "to do" list, make a "did do" list. You'll find that you are accomplishing a lot in the day, and that's it's hard work. Then, ask your husband to make the same list. He should share in household tasks and parenting. You both work all day, but his work is over at 5. You work literally all day. He can help out if he has specific "cleaning expectations."

Lindy - posted on 12/24/2008

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I agree with one of the post above. Find out what drives your husband nuts in a dirty house, but make sure you tell him what drives you nuts. I like to have a clean bedroom so at night I can go to a little retreat before bed. My husband likes the kitchen clean. This way we both know what will keep us happy. I also do one larger chore everyday except Tuesday. I use that as my catch up day! Good luck.

[deleted account]

Patty, just remember that you can only do what you can do. You know your limitations and strenghts.



Dorrie, and people think I am strong. God Bless You.



I agree with Melissa. The house will NEVER be totally clean.



Autumn, first please thank your husband for me. If it were not for men like him serving his country (for whatever his reasons), we could not be here today making friends and giving opinions.



Amy, I love your saying.



Michelle P, when you are through with your list and house, you are more than welcome to come to mine...LOL



I don't keep an immaculate house. Never have and probably never will. I also, like Michelle M's. saying. I just figure if you it bothers you so, grab a rag.



When we lost my husband in Aug, 2007, my father-in-law came by a few months later to see the kids. My mother-in-law was on her hands and knees cleaning my floor. I couldn't believe she did it but whatever. I dread cleaning but can't stand the mess. I detest dusting and would rather move everything outside and just be able to hose the house down, wait for it to dry and move everything back in. I know, I know, it sounds like more work but I really do not like dusting.



I do make lists of things I need to do as far a errands go and that really does help. Not just to see it but to remember it. I am only one person and I have only two arms, two legs, not much brain left. I also have two kids and half a nerve left. I can only do what I can do. The clutter doesn't look so bad when the toilets are white and the carpet is vacuumed. I have even thought about and slightly tried to do one room a day. That did not get off to a good start...or finish...



If I don't laugh, I will cry and I don't know that I have any more tears left.



We can all give you our story, opinions, and what may or may not work for us but you know yourself better than we do. Girl, just do what you can do and I hope we have helped in some way.



Funny that I should be reading this now. I just read an article about two mothers with children. One has a husband and one does not. The one with is always calling the one without and complaining. The one without just wants to shout "shut-up" and give her the list of reasons why it is better to have him do what "little" he does do than not at all.



I remembered that article as I read through the previous responses. Not comparing just remembering. I didn't take any response as a complaint, I guess I just wanted to throw that in.

Kyrie - posted on 12/24/2008

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i have twins and a 2 year old, my house is never sparkling but my veiw is eople come 2 see us not our house and my home is not dirty or unhygenic, simply lived in. As for your husbands expectations of your cleaning, if my partner ever told me how he expected things done, my reply would be, do it yourself then!!

Chrissy - posted on 12/23/2008

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I have come to learn but won't let the realization sink in that I will never have a fully clean house. Your husband expects that the house is perfect - then he needs to chip in.

User - posted on 12/23/2008

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You just take your husband to the crash test mommy show lol joking

Well it is really overwhelming to have a 100 different jobs at once but you usually do mange
just keep your head up and dont give up because woman are stronger than man, remember that!!! I bet if you asked that of a guy, the guy would have a nervous break down... So hang in there and just keep trying your best thats all that counts

Kathleen - posted on 12/23/2008

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Thank you, moms... it is so refreshening to hear your sharing experiences with us. I feel much better, knowing that I have tried so hard to keep the house cleaned one or another way. Thanks again. *hugs*

Michele - posted on 12/23/2008

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I have found a wonderful website that helps... Flylady.net....I used to be obsessively clelan...hubby complained about it....go figure! Then 4 years ago my Dads health started failing...it hit me hard....I have struggled with depression since then and things have really piled up. Now it is overwhelming. Once again, hubby complains...can't win. It's either too clean or too messy..........On top of the depression, two years ago someone started doing our floors, got most of the job done then b/c of his wife couldn't finish it. I have waited patiently while hubby looks for someone to help him with the job. Meanwhile that room is in total disarray...to say the least it is overwhelming. I am tackling things slowly but it is my new years resolution to get things cleaned, organized and jobs finished.(even if I have to hire someone myself to finish the flooring-LOL).

Skylar - posted on 12/22/2008

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My husband has no cleaning expectations, as far as I know. I've never heard a complaint out of him. Of course, that also means he never notices and compliments when I put in a lot of time cleaning either. I feel more at peace when the house is straightened up--when there isn't stuff all over, when it's out of the way, but I'm less gung ho about making everything sparkling clean, and, frankly, I let some things slide until there is time to tackle them. But even with the straightening up, with young kids, how long does it lasts? It's difficult seeing your work undone within an hour of doing it! What other job does that happen with on a daily basis? Sigh.

Katrina - posted on 12/22/2008

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Oh yeah-



my sister, who has 7 kids has a great laundry system. They don't even have hampers... every morning everyone brings their clothes from yesterday and their pajamas from last night down to the laundry room. She then does two loads, and one of the kids has to fold laundry after dinner. Then each kid takes their laundry up to their room and puts it away (the ones that are old enough) before they go to bed!

Katrina - posted on 12/22/2008

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I have one cleaning task planned every day (ie., Monday=kitchen, Tuesday=bathroom, Wed= upstairs vacuum, etc.) If I don't get it done, I just roll it over until the next day, and do two.



I also work hard to keep things picked up. It makes an amazing difference and it really only takes a couple seconds to grab the clothes and put them in the hamper, or whatever.



My husband is the complete opposite. I spend half my time cleaning up after him - and I hate it. I'm not a neat freak by any stretch, but I've learned that if I don't keep up with it, I hate catching up with it - and it feels good to have a tidy house. But he drives me insane!! He throws his clothes on the floor, towels, etc. And I'm like - what am I, your maid? How hard is it to put it in the hamper??? SO count your blessings!!

Michelle - posted on 12/22/2008

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I have a saying if you want to see me Come on in.. If you came to se my house make an appointment. I have learned with 4 children things don't always get done when they need to so relax as long as you houe is tidy and not filthy dont worry about it. Have fun being a mom.

Michelle - posted on 12/22/2008

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Oh, I have one more bit of advice, which is to have your kids do chores. You can make cleaning time together time by having them help you with laundry, dishes, tidying, or whatever you are doing. Older kids can have a few chores to do on their own, too. I have 7 kids, and I wouldn't be able to keep up with the housework if the kids (right down the 2yo) didn't help me. And I tell them that all the time; I make sure they know how important they are and how much their hard work makes our home and family better and happier.

Michelle - posted on 12/22/2008

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One thing that I found that helped alleviate stress between my husband and me about cleaning was when I finally listened to which things were his priorities. I would spend all day cleaning the living room and dusting and making beds, and he'd come home and gripe because the dishes were dirty. Now I wash the dishes FIRST, and he couldn't care less if the mantle is dusty. Really, all he cares about is a clean kitchen (because he cooks dinner and he HATES to cook in a nasty kitchen) and having his work clothes clean and pressed and put away. Now he comes home and sings my praises just for doing two things, and I'm thinking, "But the rest of the house is a wreck!" ;)

Secondly, I learned the system that my husband uses to stay organized at work. I just wrote a blog post explaining it, so let me copy that here:

The Book Method: How To Organize Your Home and Life In One Easy Step

Ok, here it is, my explanation of The Book Method. It's really very simple -- I mean, extremely simple. I could pretty much boil it down to this: Write Everything Down. Not on the computer, but with a pen, in a book. There's something psychological about writing things down with pen and paper. On the computer I can rewrite and rearrange my to do list all day, and make it appear that while I've done nothing, I've left nothing undone. When you write a task on paper, it's more real. And when you write in pen, you can't erase it. If you decide not to do something, you have to cross it out, and it's really still there where you can see it, not getting done. So write everything down, in a book which you keep with you and refer to at all times -- that really may be the only important part of this method.

I use a nice Moleskine notebook. It's just a nice, hardbound notebook with a black cover, a ribbon bookmark, and an elastic band that holds it closed. That's not important though. I started with a book that wasn't as nice, but this one was my reward for doing so well the first month. ;) The important thing about the notebook is that it's grid paper, so make sure you get what Moleskine calls the "squared notebook." That's the one with grid paper.

For each day I take two facing pages. At the top of page one I write "Task List:" and then I make out a list for the day. The reason I use the grid paper is so I can easily draw a little checkbox next to each task. This is what my list looked like on Friday:

Task List:
[x] Throw out sweets
[x] Install school on laptop
[] Budget
[x] Bathe everyone
[x] Get Chris' address
[x] Shower
[x] Mail rebate
[x] Send check to lawn guy
[x] Get Mark's clothes for party
[x] Read Little House
[x] Kids do Switched on Schoolhouse
[x] Seamus does Adventure Workshop
[x] Change the calendar
[] Post photo
[x] Take camera to party!
[x] Bathroom trash out
[x] Read Psalms
[x] Everyone dressed
[x] Dishes
[x] Laundry 1
[x] Laundry 2
[x] Laundry 3
[x] Laundry 4
[x] Last load in dryer
[x] Tidy house
[x] Tidy my room & bath
[-] Thaw breakfast meat for tomorrow
[-] Alpha-Phonics with Seamus and Hamish
[x] Art time
[x] Check calendar
[] Tidy before bed
[x] Vacuum
[x] Take trash out
[x] Remember Aisling's sippy cup

The x is for something I did, and the - is where I decided not to do something after all. (For example, I decided not to thaw breakfast meat because I remembered that the next day was Saturday so the kids would be eating cereal.) I leave some space under the task list, because chances are I will add to it during the day. Any time I think of something I need to do, or Mark calls and asks me to do something, I write it down, right then and there. If I rely on remembering it until I get a chance to write it down, I will forget.

Underneath the task list I have a list of goals:

Goals:
* Strict at table
* Worship God
* Praise kids
* Never leave a room untidy

Then, the last thing on that page is notes. In the notes section I write down everything I need to remember, from appointments and phone numbers to add to the back of my book, grocery lists, what Mark wants from Jack-in-the-Box, to tasks for tomorrow (marked with a +). Anything and everything goes there, and I check it frequently.

On the facing page, I write the date, such as, "Friday 12/19/08". Then I sketch out a schedule for my day. Some things are always the same, like having meals at the same time every day and reading to the kids while they eat. Other things, like which chores I will do when, move around based on what's convenient for me. Friday was crazy, and I didn't really write out a schedule, but here's an example from another day (not a school day):

Wednesday 12/03/08

0800
Get up
Breakfast
Read Proverbs to kids
Clean up

1000
Wash bedding
Dishes
Laundry

1100
Wash baby potty
Clean nightstand -- bookshelf
Pay bills
Email Mark
Call JT Auto
Budget
Clean out fridge
Hang garland on fence

1200
Lunch
Thaw dinner
Read Little House to kids
Clean up

1330
Nap

1530
Laundry
Bathe boys
Tidy livingroom

1800
Dinner

2200
Anna's plane lands!

As you can see, I don't always put everything from my task list into my schedule. Mark says I should, but to me it doesn't make sense to schedule some small things, like changing over the calendar to the new day -- it takes like half a minute!

After my schedule I write out the Bible verse I am memorizing. Right now I am learning Exodus 34:6, "The LORD, the LORD God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in lovingkindness and truth." (Which I need to practice, apparently, because I just almost left out "slow to anger.") I like this verse, because it's part of God's description of Himself when he revealed Himself to Moses on Mt. Sinai. The whole thing, which I will eventually learn, is:

Exodus 34:6-7 Then the LORD passed by in front of him and proclaimed, "The LORD, the LORD God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in lovingkindness and truth; who keeps lovingkindness for thousands, who forgives iniquity, transgression and sin; yet He will by no means leave the guilty unpunished, visiting the iniquity of fathers on the children and on the grandchildren to the third and fourth generations."

So, every day I write out all of these things. I always check yesterday's pages and copy over tasks I left undone and notes that I still need. I also check the back of my book, where I keep a reference section:

* A list of tasks that I should do every day, or at least several times a week;

* A list of tasks broken down by days of the week, such as taking out the trash on Tuesdays and Fridays and ironing Mark's work shirts for the week on Saturday;

* A calendar, which is another great reason to use grid paper. All I had to do was write the month, then S M T W T F S each in a box, and fill in the days of the month using the grid as a guide. The I circle any day that is important, and note what's happening that day next to the calendar;

* A little chart keeping track of which child I took with me when I went on small errands, so everyone can get a turn;

* A list of songs that the children know and like to sing during worship time;

* A list of phone numbers and addresses; and

* A list of all the Bible verses I have memorized so I can refresh my memory.

The other nice thing about this book is that it has a pocket in the back where I keep invoices I need to pay, stamps, and other small papers that I may need.

So that's pretty much it; that's The Book Method. Like I said, it really just boils down to Write Everything Down. It doesn't really matter if you use a Molskine or a three ring binder or a pre-printed planner, and it doesn't really matter how you organize it. Just write everything down in one place, in pen, and make that your go-to for everything. That's what works.

Kathy - posted on 12/22/2008

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Emily,



Sounds like you have an awesome system. I loved reading about how you do your laundry. We have 3 adults plus 1 toddler plus 1 dog living under one roof and sometimes I wonder what I would do if I had 3-4 kids. I try to do 1-2 loads a day and it still doesn't feel like enough. It feels like I am constantly washing blankets that my dog lay on, carpets that my toddler spilled stuff on, bedding and of course tons of clothes. I am sort of anal with laundry though. I am the only one in the house that does it because I like it to be the way I like it. Basket of whites, basket of dark, toddler basket, bedding basket etc etc.

Although, I always have to put clean laundry away. It drives me nuts when I leave it in a pile in a laundry basket!!! Maybe after I have another kid or 2 that will change. We also don't use the dryer for clothes in this house, I have a long metal rod across my laundry room and I hang all clothes to dry.

Also just to add, I made a play room for my daughter in our laundry room. It's very helpful when I am folding and switching loads and all that and my daughter loves to say "laundry room" even just to go into and play.

Emily - posted on 12/22/2008

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I liked Jaime's post too. :) But, I also like to have a semi-clean house for my kids and me, because we live here all day when DH is working. We have regular cleaning times throughout the day (usually before meals and before bedtime) when we pick up all the toys. The kids are motivated to help, because they don't get to eat until it's clean.

Cleaning is a different matter. I delegate what I can to the kids, but the oldest is only 3 1/2, so their chores are still supervised and small. (empty bathroom garbages, dust dressers, move laundry (we have a front loader), etc.) I don't usually get to the deep cleaning stuff on a regular basis, but I do clean the toilets at least once a week. I keep a toilet brush in each bathroom soaking in a soapy solution, so I just have to pull it out and scrub the toilet, then wipe down the lid & seat with a washcloth and throw it in the laundry.

As for laundry. Sometimes it just doesn't get done. I do my best to keep the machines running, but often I don't get around to folding it. I'd rather have piles of clean laundry sitting around the house than piles of dirty laundry. Plus, I often give my husband a basket of clean things to fold while he's watching TV or waiting for something to download on his computer. For our family of five, including cloth diapers, I do 2-3 loads per day, one load of diapers (because I have one in cloth and two potty training), then one load of either adult clothes or kids clothes (my personal schedule is: mon-whites, tues-kids, wed-colors, thurs-kids, fri-darks, sat-kids). I start the load of diapers as we're all going to bed, then move them to the dryer and start the second load just after breakfast. If I need to, I'll do a load of towels or bedding after that load. My laundry is usually done before lunch, but almost never folded. :)

I also found that routines are key to getting things done with multiple young children running around. We have a "morning routine" when we get everyone dressed and fed, etc (and when I move laundry). We have a dinner time routine when we pick up all toys, vacuum, eat, then clean the kitchen (with DH's help... no one leaves the kitchen until the table is cleared & wiped, the floor swept and the dishwasher started). Our bedtime routine for the girls includes toy pickup again and straightening the bathroom after bath-time.

Also, we like to use a "clean-up basket". We just take an empty laundry basket around the house and pick up anything that is not where it belongs. My 2 1/2 year old can do this by herself. Then we'll sit together and sort what ended up in the basket. Usually there's tons of toys in there so we sit near the toy bins and the girls will run to put things away that belong elsewhere. If everyone is helping it usually takes less than ten minutes to get the house looking presentable.

Charity - posted on 12/22/2008

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i understand how you feel. My first husband expected the house to be perfect and I worked 3 jobs - he worked 1 job then would come home and be a bum. I finally got to the point of - you want it done, you do it. It usually took a while, but he did it. Now my second husband doesn't have any expectations, but I find myself in a habit of constantly cleaning because of my past. so, my advice is - talk with your husband (when you're not emotionally distraut) and explain how you feel and see it and try to meet in the middle. Example - have him care for the children on his day off and let you clean - but stop in time to be able to have family time together. I hope it works for you

Kathy - posted on 12/22/2008

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Very good post Jaime! I agree!



I am also a neat freak to the max though and mostly clean all the time, of course after being a wonderful mommy...my daughter comes first before house work. But when she naps or is playing happily independently...I will clean, do laundry. I feel as a stay at home mom, you have certain obligations. I am not just staying home to take care of my daughter and sit on my arse looking pretty. I do keep a clean house! It's part of my job.

Shannon Lee - posted on 12/21/2008

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Well I clean when my boys are at school & I have such a routine & clean daily that it might take me 2 hrs max & a bit more with laundry.When my boys are home(7 & 11 yrs old) I have trained them to be clean also.They know to pay attention & not to be messy & they pick up,tidy their rooms.I guess I'm doing it okay cause cleaning isn't so bad,my home is always clean.I've been compulsive since a lil girl,lol.My fiance works a lot of hours & is so thankful to come home to it all done.My only problem with my boys is the fighting.They're always picking on one another.More the younger on the older.I separate them every time.I need a referee shirt.I find blasting my favorite tunes on my Ipod helps it go a lot faster & better!

Jaime - posted on 12/21/2008

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My husband isn't allowed to have "cleaning expectations" for me. No way. Plain and simple. If he wants to complain about the way something is cleaned, or how often it is cleaned, he can do it himself. I am a stay at home MOM, not a stay at home maid.

That's not to say that I don't keep a decent home. I'm the one here most of the time, so it makes sense that I do most of the cleaning. But, I sometimes have a bad day, and fall behind. It happens.Try not to stress over it.

Amy - posted on 12/21/2008

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You are NOT alone!

One of my favourite signs.. says: "House was clean yesterday, too bad you missed it!"

I get so ANGRY sometimes when I work and work and then come home and work and work and always feel sleep deprived, meanwhile there's 5 other people aside from myself who live under my roof (and are all capable to help in one way or another) but over time I have started to relax a little. I keep one room clean ALL the time (the family room) no TOYS OR FOOD are allowed in this room. I would rather the "clean room" be the kitchen, however there is FAR too much traffic in that room for it to remain clean. At least this way, even if there's a mess everywhere else, I have a clean place to go and gather my thoughts for a minute while decided where to work on next. (LoL)
Another thing I have found helpful is assigning my step daughters ONE chore ie: dishes. The two of them rotate doing them (and they do their own laundry/keep their room (supposed to be) clean.) and thats it. If they don't do the dishes, they can't go out or do anything until they're done. If they happen to get away with not doing them (ie: our oldest is at work and comes home and goes to sleep without doing them) she gets woken up @ 6am (or earlier!!) to do them then OR the dishes from the next day pile up as well and she is now responsible for TWO days worth.

Hope those are helpful... I know it's a struggle.. but I guess we all go through it!! :O)

[deleted account]

You can't keep your house perfectly clean without either neglecting your children or hiring a maid. I struggle with this too. I've found that the cleaner and neater my house is the more relaxed and calm I am with our kids and my hubby. I am obsessive about our house being clean! But I am slowing learning to let things go and not stress. As one friend told me a few months ago, "A clean house is a sign of a wasted life." If you waste all your time cleaning, when do you get to enjoy your kids and play with them and teach them things?
Your husband may never fully understand. My friends husband got out of the military about a year ago. He had trouble finding a new job so their roles were reversed. She worked 2 jobs while he cleaned the house and took care of the kids. At first he was arrogant about saying it was so easy he didn't know what she always complained about. But after several months, it really started to get to him. He asked his wife, "how did you do this for 7 years? I can't stand it!" Now he is back at work and she is back at home. He still forgets from time to time how hard it was for him to do that job.

Melissa - posted on 11/24/2008

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The house will never be totally clean! But maybe, to appease your hubby, you could sit down together and ask him to help you make a cleaning schedule that incorporates the kids' schedule. Maybe it will actually help but it also might help him see how hard it really is. HTH ~ Melissa

Dorrie - posted on 11/24/2008

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In my home it is a NEVER ENDING task!! I have 8 kids and have learned it is impossible to have the whole house clean at the same time. while I am cleaning one room the kids are messing up another. and laundry....... not gonna go there!!

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