How do you do it all?

User - posted on 11/01/2012 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I have been a SAHM for 19 months (as long as my DS has been born) and I love every minute of it. Recently, we moved to be with my husband as he found a permanent job. My son and I were living with my parents while my husband was working a paid internship for about a year. We have all been together again for 2 months, and I am finding I am having a hard time taking care of EVERYTHING alone during the day.



So my question is, how do you do it all? How do I spend enough time with my son, continue to help him learn and grow, but at the same time, feed a picky husband, try to get fit again, find some time to relax, keep the house SOMEWHAT clean all without losing my sanity! We went from living at my parents where we had acres to go out and run around in, to an apartment complex that caters to the dogs rather than little humans :) So my son and I have to drive to parks, the library, or where ever just to get out and play. He used to love being outside all of the time, now, he has no desire to get his shoes on and go out. It hurts my heart.



I seem to be finding my biggest challenge keeping him learning through play, and managing dinner to take the best of me. My husband works a 9-5 job, but I'm alone from 8:30-6 really. And once he comes home, he eats and that's supposed to be his time with his son, but well...that issue for another post.



So how do I stay being a great mom to my boy, but still do everything else without feeling overly stressed? I know it'll take some time, but any suggestions? We've only been doing this for 2 months, but I'm finding myself struggling, and feeling like I have let my son down mostly.



Thanks in advance to anything!

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Jasmine - posted on 11/03/2012

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I've worked while pregnant both times and now I stay at home. I totally get the desire to be the 'super-mom'! It's the whole thing about people asking "what do you do ALL DAY??" as if we don't have small children to run after! The hours just run by we're left standing thinking, "What HAVE I done all day?!" Don't let those thoughts control you! However, I do suggest sitting down for a few minutes and making a to-do list for each day - 1 thing to clean, 1 thing to cook, 1 thing to straighten up, and 1 focused activity to do with baby. That's it. If a more systematic routine helps, use FlyLady.net's baby steps. It helped me!

Eileen - posted on 11/03/2012

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Thank you so much for your kind words:)

My mother told me the same thing and that I'm putting too much pressure one myself. I just feel like I SHOULD be able to do everything since I don't work. But it's so hard and it's sad that most of society doesn't acknowledge that.

Jasmine - posted on 11/03/2012

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Eileen, I want to counsel you that GUILT is a killer! Anything you do will make you feel just as guilty as what you don't do. Don't fall for it! Every woman's situation is unique and we have to make the best of it.

If dishes drive you crazy, make sure you clean them, but if the floors are negligible, then ignore them! Try doing as much as you can when the baby is napping, but YOU REST, too!!! Seriously. Any expectation on a mom of a newborn (or toddlers!) to have a spotless house is sheer absurdity. Do what you can and leave the rest alone! *hugs*

Eileen - posted on 11/03/2012

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I don't have much advice for you, but just wanted to say that I'm dealing with the same thing! You're not alone. My son is 3 months old and now that I have the hang of caring for him I have to figure out how to cook 2 meals a day, clean, and give my baby enough attention.



I feel so guilty if I leave a sink full of dirty dishes...but I also feel guilty if I put my baby in his swing and clean the bathroom.

Anne - posted on 11/03/2012

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shannon enjoy your child while his young coz he grows up soon leaves but from the age of seven he will remember your games songs and outings , i had 3 kids all in 6 yrs , so close in ages and i dont remember a day my house was a total clean at that time, but till today and my eldest is 21 , my kids remember our games, our outings and picnics, my songs and my teaching them in behavior, actually my eldest son says that he hopes to be like me with his kids, and coz their father was always at work, i use to praise thier father to them so that they know his working to give them better life... good luck, and any women who just gives birth at least once to me is amazing and should be appreciated.

Jasmine - posted on 11/03/2012

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No one does it all. I have 2 kids aged 25mths and 10months and it's impossible to do it all. Try leaving your son with grandparents for one or two days a month and cook as many meals as you can. Freeze them and take them out the days you need them. (Onceamonthcooking.com) Or swap playdates/babysitting with another mom once a week so you can do some cleaning or laundry.

Michelle - posted on 11/02/2012

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You need to prioritize. You don't need to do everything every day. I wouldn't cater to your husband's pickyness either. It's only going to teach your son bad habits. If he sees dad being picky then he will think he can do the same.



Set aside certain times that you will not do anything else except spend time with your son. Don't worry that the housework isn't being done, it will still be there in an hour or so.



The hardest thing I learnt was to not stress about the little things not getting done. The housework will always be there but our children grow up fast. We don't want to look back when our children are adults and say to ourselves "Why did I worry so much about the house? I should have spent more time enjoying my children growing and learning."

Rachel - posted on 11/02/2012

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You can teach him throughout the day while you're cleaning or cooking. Even if you go out shopping, you can point things out at the store too. Point out letters, shapes and colors.

As for the cleaning house thing. I've had to clean what needs it most first and then if I have time, I'll get to the other stuff.

It's mostly time managing and deciding what is more important to get done that day.

Maybe you could do your work out time when Dad has his time with the baby.

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