how do you get over that the fact that the dad aint in your childs life??

Patrice - posted on 02/14/2010 ( 18 moms have responded )

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the father of my son he is not in my sons life he thought that it would be better to walk out on his son like his father did to him

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Kat - posted on 02/17/2010

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It's ridiculously difficult, especially if you expected him to be there (i.e. when you were pregnant he was active and excited and "wanted" the baby). My son's father hasn't given a darn about him...which was a real surprise to me after the way he acted at first. It's been really hard trying to accept that he doesn't want to be a part of my son's life, but I'm trying to just focus all of my energy and the pain that puts me through into loving my son that much more. I don't know if it's possible to get over it-until *maybe* someone else enters your and your child's life who really, truly loves and appreciates the two of you. Just remember that you are not alone, no matter how bad of a day you're having, how sad or frustrated you may feel. And every day that your son wakes up and smiles at you, when he gives you hugs and kisses and laughs at you for acting silly, realize that those moments are reserved especially for you. He is YOUR little boy, he will make you stronger, wiser, sillier, crazier. You are his momma, his source of support and love. Be tough with him, love him, don't overcompensate because you're worried about him not having a father right away (easier said than done, but stay strong 'cause if he's strong-willed, he'll have you wrapped around his little finger), and be honest with him and with yourself. Take it day by day.

Sandra - posted on 02/16/2010

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Do the very best that you know how. My little girl's "sperm donor" (that's the polite way to talk about him) hasn't had anything to do with her either. She's 5 and the last time he saw her she was 6 months old. He has other children too with different moms. I'm now married to a man that wants to be her dad and she loves him. Before I met my husband there were other male friends that would help me out with stuff. Try and find someone like that. Your child needs some kind of male influence in their life, but it doesn't have to be "the dad'. And if he chose to leave, keep telling yourself that you got the best part of your relationship because you have a wonderful child that loves you. Seek out and accept help when you have to. No one is meant to go it alone. Search out resources where you live, they are there to help you out with questions you might have. It's hard trying to be both mom and dad because you're not supposed to be the dad. Put aside any negative influences if you can...always believe in yourself!! Don't let anyone tell you that you can't do this by yourself. Believe in yourself and tell yourself that you can. Continue to do your best and never give up.

Cheri - posted on 02/14/2010

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Awww..im sory to hear that. Its very hard to explain to a child at such a young age why there daddy isnt around. But you got to be strong for your son. Just tell him he has a good father and he loves you and some day you'll understand why he isnt here. I think maybe he'll come around and try to be a good dad. If you talk to your sons dad at all you can try to get him back in your sons life and tell him you dont have to be like you father and walk out on him. And ask him if he wants to try to work things out? Even if ya'll dont want to live together. I just think that every child needs to know the truth about there parents. My mom was very truthful with me. And told me y she left my dad. And I dont hold that against him! I still talked to him on the phone. And I asked him one day y he wasnt around and he said b.c god had different plans for him. I was sad but then he says remember this though: I will always love you in matter how far apart we are. So I understood why! Maybe this lil story will help you maybe not but I love to share. Take care and remember be STRONG!!!

Rebecca - posted on 02/14/2010

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It is so sad. My daughter's Father chose that too. He is an Alcoholic and a drug user. I always told my daughter this "God knows what everyone needs and even though we may want our Fathers and need them, God knows that mybe now is not the right time because of the life style he chooses to lead"...also, make sure to let him know that it is NOT his fault and that his Father does not define who he is as a person (when he gets older). You are not alone! Rebecca

Carmen - posted on 02/14/2010

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I don't think you really ever get over the idea that the father opted not to be a part of someone you will grow to find to be the most loving & amazing little person you have ever met. I haven't. It still crosses my mind that I cannot wrap my head around the fact that someone can just go about their lives not questioning "Is ___ being taken care of? Being loved?" Because I certainly would. All I can do is be the best for my child & embrace, love, & cherish every moment that someone else does not. It's very hard, but I think the best thing you can do is keep it all to yourself. If the day comes that you need to explain...just list facts not opinions. All your child needs to know is that YOU love him & not deal w/ the turmoil & possibly angst you feel for what has really happened. Those are & should be adult feelings. Good luck & I believe at the end of the day when the time comes...he will know who loves & loved him & that is all that matters.

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Helen - posted on 02/23/2010

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i wish the father isnt in my kids life he is an jack my daughter is dying and all he says is there is counselling out there i said to him ur not with her 24/7 seeing her grow all i want to do is tell him f++++ off i need help should i tell him ?

Patrice - posted on 02/22/2010

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thank you i met a man 2 tht wants 2 b in my life n my sons life n he pretty much consiters my son as his own witch is so amazing

Patrice - posted on 02/22/2010

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thank you!!! well even tho tht his father aint in my sons life its ok he will c wht hes missing out on!! every thing tht u just said bout the father being happy @ first thts so true he was thn idk but its ok ill be ok but thank you again

Amanda - posted on 02/17/2010

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My daughters "father" just didn't want responcibility....he had gotten 2 others pregnant before me...and then one after me before I lost track of him....it was scary only being 18 and pregnant all alone...but i'm now 25...I have a beautiful 6 year old daughter who is very happy and a real man who loves us both very much! I was single all through my pregnancy and up till my daughter was 16 months old....and that is when I met my now husband....I am thankful every day that her "sperm doner dad" decided not to be in the picture....she and I would have had a horriable life trying to deal with such a horriable person.

Vicki - posted on 02/16/2010

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#I Pray for him, I know it happens alot nowadays where men walk out, but you need to pray for not only him, but yourself as well. He may be scared,nervous, u never know,your understanding maybe just what he needs to help him come to terms with his issues.But if you down him, he will feel justified for his leaving. I agree that whatever you do, don't bash him around his son, watch what u say even when u think they are sleep, or in another room.Children seem to pick up on everything!! I will keep you in my prayers! But know this, with or without him, you have the strength to raise a beautiful young man!! May God watch over you and yours always! Don't be so quick to pass judgement, we all have fell short in one way or another!! I have been where you are, my son has never seen his father, but just because you can make a baby doesn't make u a father, just like sitting in a garage doesn't make u a cadilac!!

Brandi - posted on 02/14/2010

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Try to accept that when it comes to these kinds of things the past almost always repeats itself. your baby's father doesn't know HOW to be a real daddy as he didn't have one, so when the going got tough, he did what he KNEW. He left. Boys like that (they aren't men after all) aren't worth fretting over. Your kids will be better off without that type of influence. Try your best to find your son a postive MALE figure (it could be your favorite uncle, or your father, or your grandfather, it doesn't HAVE to be a man who lives with you and you are dating). My parents got divorced when I was 4 and my father disappeared from my life totally when I was around 11 or so. My mother had been remarried from the time I was 7 to a man who has always been there for me and loves me like his own. I also am VERY close to my grandfather and my uncle, so even though my father wasn't very good at his job, I had MANY positive men in my life to help me to become better at being a parent than my father was. You hang in there and hold out for the VERY BEST MAN out there. DO NOT SETTLE for the first jerk to agree to help you out (as so many women seem to do). If a man you are dating doesn't like your son OR your son doesn't like him, then he isn't right for you and your family. You and your son are a package deal and I promise that somewhere out there there is a man who will love you and your son and treat your son as though he were his own. Wait for THAT man, so your son wont have to endure ANOTHER man leaving him in his life. Otherwise, do the VERY best you can do for your son to make him a better man than his father. Set good examples and start early with rules like "ladies first" and "never hit girls" as he matures, teach him to follow thru with what he starts and NEVER quit. If you instill these types of values, I bet he is a wonderful father when the time comes and he doesn't run out on his kids like his dad did to him. take him to a counselor if you feel he is being negatively impacted. Do all you can to prevent your son from feeling like a failure or a reject (as that is likely how he will feel from time to time. I know I did at times. But Thank God i had so many wonderful people in my life, from my mom to my grandparents and aunts and uncles. I knew I was loved, so it wasn't as important that that love didn't seem to come from my father. Good luck.

Carolee - posted on 02/14/2010

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Life sucks, but you do what you can with what you've got. I did, and I am now married to a man who WANTS to be a father to my son. It will get better.

Helen - posted on 02/14/2010

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Thats sad hun but honestly he is losing out not you because you have your son and see all the milestones and feel all the love, its hard but you will cope.

Sawsan - posted on 02/14/2010

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i know it must very emotional for but u should be stronger for u sons to live a happy life away from his meanful father.

Tam - posted on 02/14/2010

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Just do it! Put a smile on your face and be glad for what you have and never talk bad about the father incase he at some point he re-enters your childs life!

Kari - posted on 02/14/2010

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It is hard because a child ideally is suppose to have to parents, but it can be done. My mother did it. My advise is do not try to be both parents. You are one person and your sanity and health are important. Give him discipline, love and support. Be honest with him, but do not bash his father (even though he deserves it).

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