HOw do you get time outs to work on a 2 year old?

Shantel - posted on 01/08/2010 ( 60 moms have responded )

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My daughter does not like her Naughty Spot but she will not sit in it for 2 minutes. its a fight everytime I walk away she gets up and follows me.. I try to be consistent like SUPERNANNY says but it doesnt work

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Heather - posted on 01/10/2010

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my son is 3 but we did time outs when he was 2 as well. You can't really expect a 2 year old to sit for long in one spot- if she gets up just put her back in until she stays- but not to the point that she forgets what she did wrong. Remember that time outs are not a punishment- they are to calm the child down so that you can talk to them about the rules. Also remember not to use time out too much or it loses it's meaning- if you left a roll of ribbon on the floor and your two year old destroyed it- that's your fault, not hers. With a two year old a lot of problems can be avoided by just removing her from the destructive situation or removing hazards.

Hannah - posted on 01/11/2010

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we got the time out pad from super nanny or nanny 911 and it works better than i ever thought it would. our son was 14months old and is now 2 and it still works. it took him less than a week to understand the concet. when you press the button their time starts, if they get up the alarm goes off and their time freezes. when they sit down again it starts again and the light shows how much time they have left. when they are done the song plays letting them know their time is done. its super small and light weight, we even took it on vacation. i would want to live with out it now, it helps them and me. i no longer get upset when they act up and they are much more well behaved now than before. hope this helps.

Karen - posted on 01/11/2010

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Time outs don't work on 2 year olds, they don't have the developmental ability to connect behaviour with sitting 'out'. They might sit there but they have no idea why. What is this obsession with time outs seems everyone thinks they are some sort of magic pill but most of the time parents don't even use time outs the right way anyway so are just wasting their time. I am disturb a little more each day at how 'grown-up' a lot of parents want their kids to be these days, toddlers can't even be toddlers now.

Good old distraction for under 3's works every time for this 'old fashioned' mum.

Melissa - posted on 01/10/2010

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Hello everyone... I think I am in the minority here, and we all feel strong about our cases, but I am in full agreement with Sally! LOL... I am an alternative thinker and have 3 daughters, and have never used timeouts with them. Rather, I have loved the best I can.... the times they are behaving the worst are when they need the most love, though it's a challenge when they are pushing our buttons!!! I by no means just let my girls behave badly, but when they have done something you may deem time-out-worthy would be the time I usually try to notice that they need my attention, understanding, or patient help dealing with their frustration or anger. And while a 3 minute time-out is not 30 years in prison, it's the baby step in the exact same punishment system. Which, certainly isn't working well for America on either end, judging by the direction society is going in general, and prison return rates! Now, if you peek in my window and see me lose it with my kids, don't get mad... I am not perfect. This is just the belief that I try to operate from most of the time!

Heather - posted on 01/10/2010

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I respect my son and treat him just as I'd treat any other human being- including myself- and that is if he is upset he needs time to calm down. Learning by example is good and even pivotal- but teaching a child that there is no consequence to doing something wrong is not. She's going to grow up and expect everyone to work around her. Time outs are also not punishments- they are a time and place for a child to calm down when they are too upset to listen to you. I knew a mother who used time ins- and my son still has scars on his face because of it. Time outs are an effective way to get your child to calm down, pay attention, and listen when used properly.

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Beth - posted on 03/18/2013

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My son is 2 1/2 and he doesn't like his time outs. He'll scream louder and start coughing to the point that I think he may vomit. But I just keep telling him to sit back down in the corner and that he's gonna have to sit there longer if he doesn't listen. Eventually he does comply and will sit there for 2 minutes or however long it takes to calm down. He now tries to put other people (and pets!) in timeout when they do something he doesn't like! LOL! Just don't give in. I really believe that they do see how far they can pust Mom or Dad and how much they can get away with.

Barbarann - posted on 01/13/2010

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Not everything the "SUPERNANNY" does is effective for all children. When my boy acted up I would either sit him in the corner or place him on the couch for the alloted amount of time. Timers are an excellent way for a toddler to see that Two minutes isn't really that long, digital ones are more rewarding because it also teaches them how to count backwards from a specific number! They're being punished and learning without realizing it! Try something like that, but remember to stand your ground and not give in! Good luck to you!

Shauna - posted on 01/13/2010

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My 2 year old hates Time out!!! She has her own little bench to sit on...but she stays in it no problem. I just tell her that she did a bad thing and has to sit in time out. It does not always work to deter her from getting into things but she understands that it is not a good thing to sit in Time out. Slowly getting better!!!!

Kathleen - posted on 01/12/2010

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Timeouts do not work for my toddlers. I usually try to distract them with another activity or give them a choice of two acceptable alternatives to whatever they are needing to learn not to do...Also making them hug each other after they have been mean to each other seems to be working wonders.

Tiffany - posted on 01/12/2010

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I think a visual aid is a great idea,like the timer. Also you may have to sit next to her at first till her time is done. If you sit with her to not talk and you may not want to even want to look at her. I had to do that for several weeks when I started time outs. A chair with belts like a bouncer seat can be used to. You have to be very consistent; time starts over when she gets up too early, every time she does _________ she goes to time out. I hope this is helpful.

Rita - posted on 01/12/2010

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I personally wouldn't give a two year old a two minute time out just a few seconds is enogh. Their attention span isn't very long.I watch a two year old and he won't get down untill you tell him to that happened cuz I picked a time out and continually put him back ,( just a couple of times) then he relized he wouldn't get his own way,then we talk about it and off he goes.I hoped I helped.

Danielle - posted on 01/12/2010

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stand there with her...that's what i did with my son
just don't acknowlege that shes talking or anything if she is while in time out

[deleted account]

make it last all day if you have too! you can do it! it sucks... but you can! tomorrow will be easier when you do it.

Emma - posted on 01/11/2010

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time out does not work for every child. my son now five never did it i tried several times but after 8 hours of trying every time decided i needed some thing else so one day i calmly told him that what he was doing was not right and asked him to go away from his sisters and me and let us finnish what we were doing and i would talk to him after,to my surprise he walked away with tears in his eyes and went to his room,this method has worked with him ever since then ,he was 18 months at the time,although the naughty spot worked with both girls now 8 and 9 it never did with him.I think each childs personality and the way things are said to children make a big differance,screaming,shouting,smaking do not work ,but a louder than normal voice,or even a lower than normal tone does the job and always look them in the eye,and always go back give a hug and take the time to speak to the child no matter how old as often the tone of your voice is enough to either sooth,explain or disaplin achild.

Danielle - posted on 01/11/2010

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I am not now, nor have I ever been big on time outs. They don't work, period. Bad behavior can be easily reversed by allowing them a little space to calm down, then letting them know they were wrong, but in a gentle way. If my sons argue, my first reaction is to have them apologize to each other because neither are completely innocent most times. Usually that diffuses their anger because knowing the other one realizes the wrongdoing helps a lot. Talking is important. It could be that they're tired, or they just need a break from each other, but whatever it is, we address it in a way that is non-threatening, which usually means a distraction or finding another activity entirely. It's different each time it seems like, so I use my best judgement and go from there. With a two year old, you'll get best results by distracting her. But if time out is your choice, then good luck with that.

Morgan - posted on 01/11/2010

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you need to stay there, and do not break down and forgive her too quickly. my kids learned quick, because they would do the same thing, but i would stand there and make sure they were there. also, i use a kitchen cooking timer, and when the timer beeps they are allowed to get up, but say if my son hits his sister, he has to tell her hes sorry and kiss her boo boo before he can play. we put a chair in the corner, turn the TV off, because they love to watch movies, and just have a quiet time out time until the time out is finished. you have to be hard, not easy because they won't learn. trust me I have two 2 year olds here all the time, my husband works 14hour shifts. so i know your pain!! be strong, and after the time out is done, try to sit down and explain why you put her there, and what exactly it is that she's done wrong. you can do this honey, you'll be fine!!

Nikki - posted on 01/11/2010

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You are doing fine, stay consistent!! That is the key to any discipline. If she gets up, sit her down, and keep doing it. She will eventually sit there. My little one is fixing to turn 3 and I really haven't had an issue with her staying in her seat. She does ask if she can get up now, but when her time is up I go to her and kneel down and look at her and explain why she got put in time out. Super Nanny is my favorite show and believe it or not I have learned alot from her, I do the tips and tricks and it has worked out wonderfully.

Christina - posted on 01/11/2010

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You need to sit with her for the two minutes.She wont do it...I don't think any kid will.
Besides studies show now that the time out spot does more harm than good.
I just recently spoke to a social worker about this and she said they don't reccomend using it anymore.
I don't use it at all ,it never worked for me.Try giving her a hug and then explain that what she did was wrong but you still love her.

Debi - posted on 01/11/2010

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I had to get a naughty jar and a good girl jar, every time she would stay in the naughty spot the entire time I would put a small toy age appropriate in the good girl jar. Every time she would get up I took one out of good girl and put in bad girl at the end of the month I would give her all the toys. Cheap toys are great McDonald toys are great. But as everyone else has said be persistence don't let a two year old win. Good luck

Tanya - posted on 01/10/2010

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We just put our two year old in her room. I think it's more about her calming down then learning a lesson. My little one just needs a break usually and to be seperated from everyone else.

Mary - posted on 01/10/2010

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I think everyone should pray about how God wants you to discipline. Not disciplining is as bad as disciplining with anger. Both ignored or extintion like they are doing nothing does not teach. Nor does yelling or using anger do anything but places fear into the relationship. If done with calmness, clarity, not talking anymore than needed and with a gentle tone; discipline in time out works beautifully. I do have 2 degrees in education and special education and have been a Bible Study teacher on off with children for 10 yrs. and teaching teens last 5. I have 3 children; one in college, one a senior , 12 yr. son. Sometime just talking as they get older works. If a child is remorseful there is no need to punish with taking a toy, weekend night off ec... Time out when the child is small sometimes is the only way to discipline with love, gentleness even when they are screaming at the top of their lungs. Pray for yourself to keep callm. After 5 times a child learns that you will gently keep them in time out, and it teaches them how to control their own behavior. A child needs to learn that they are in control of their own behavior and talking back is disrespectful. I worked with ladies for 7 yrs. out of prision teaching them the Bible. Everyone wished they had parents that cared enough to discipline them and not let them do whatever they wanted. So discipline is necessary, and can be done with love, calmness, fairness, and consistency. The discipline is as important as the person giving it out; to remain calm, firm with love, fair ( punishment fits the crime- not over punishing) and be consistent. Give the child a warning then ask nicely to place themselves where they can think about what they just did. Smaller the child is the more likely you will have to place them there gently until they understand they need to calm themselves down to think about what they did. It really works if done right. No one with an anger problem should pick a child up if they would lose it themselves or cause fear in a child. Again it can work beautifully if it is admistered fairly, consistently and done with love not anger. Parents have to take a breather if they feel themselve loose it. Maybe call a friend, neighbor, or parent to help. I pray and usually tell the older child I need a moment to pray and think or ask them to think of a punishment. They are always harder on themselves than I was ever. God wants us to go to Him also for discernment and wisdom how to punish. Each child was created differently by God for the plans He has for them. How each child's tepermant is also determines what will work for that child. God did not make each child just alike. The world would be boring if He did. I believe that God loves them even more and wants to help us figure what discipline techniques works well for each child. I am a special educator and no child learns the same or responds the same. Yes, you treat them with respect just like you would anyone else. God is waiting to hear from us those that have asked Him into our hearts; He will hear us and give us knowledge and peace which way to go.

Aoife - posted on 01/10/2010

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Make sure the Time-Out spot is away from any distractions and stick to your guns! Make sure you talk to her. If she screams, rants or raves don't even say a word. Just keep returning her to the spot. Remind her if she keeps getting up it is only going to get worse....for her! Remember, when she is in Time-Out she is supposed to be, "Invisible." That is what makes Time-Out so effective. "You are being ugly and I DO NOT like you right now! You need to be seperated from everyone until you learn to be a young girl, (Not a baby!) whom I want to be with!" And please don't forget to talk to her. Don't punish without her understanding what it is for. Good luck. Perseverence!!

Mary - posted on 01/10/2010

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How you deliver the punishment is as important as issuing it. You stay in control when you do not yell. Tell the daughter to go to time out and what for. If she doesn't go; gently and calmly without talking pick her up and put her in the chair. If she starts to get up place hands on top of her shoulders without yelling and hold her there only 2 minutes. When time to get up tell her again why she was put there -keep to 1 sentence- ask her to apologize for what she did and then give her a hug and tell her you love her. Keep it calm, short sentences for comprehension, keep the time to the age of the child- 2 yr. old = 2minutes. Please deliver the punishment kindly, with kind hands- don't put fear in her with the punishment.

Kathy - posted on 01/10/2010

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start with a shoter amount of time [30 sec] after it works you can increase the amount of time when 30 sec works than they get it, go from there but BE CONSISTINT

Sally - posted on 01/10/2010

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I am not going to get into the whole my kid /your kid thing. It is pointless. But I will ask this, if you are forcing a kid to a "naughty spot" or a room or a stool, how is that not a punishment? Discipline does not mean to punish, it means to teach. You lose the teaching moment if you are fighting with a kid to stay in time out. Their brain has moved past learning and into a fear or fight reaction.

Time out is not a place to calm down, it is place so mommy does not have to deal with you. And the smart kids know it. They also learn how not to get caught so they don't end up there. What they do not learn is a way to communictae and compromise and respect others. They also figure out that the bigger person wins.

Good luck with the "time outs" your going to need it.

Sally - posted on 01/10/2010

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That is the main difference between you and me Heather, I do not view time in my lap as a privilege, I view it as a right. I, and many others, believe that when a child is upset that is when they need us the most. It is not a reward to be held by your mother. We do not use punitive punishments with our daughter. I am a follower of Alfie Kohn. I respect my child and treat her the way I myself expect to be treated. Unconditional Parenting. I love and respect her no matter what. There are many research studys that have been done on the detrimental nature of time outs. What it does to a childs mind and well being. We have used gentle approaches since birth. I have never had a temper tantrum in public. She does not hit. Went through the phase yes, but it was minor. She does not throw a fit at bedtime and picks up her toys 90% of the time. Never told her to say Please, Thank You, Bless You, ect. yet she does it naturally because she learned by example. She understands that there are things she can do at home but not elsewhere. Our expectations are age appropiate. We know her limits and watch for signs of trouble. We have taken the time to learn her temperment and know what she needs to have a positve meltdown free day. Time and energy wasted on forcing a kid into time out would be better spent learning the childs cues and knowing when a problem is going to come up.

An example from my house last night, my daughter was playing with a plastic teapot full of water, both myself and my husband told her that she was close to spilling the water. We both knew the cup was going to get knocked over. And of course it did. Rather than get annoyed or put her in time out for not listening, I simply told her she had a problem and she needed to fix it. She said, "your right Mommy." Then proceeded to the kithchen got a towel cleaned it up. Put the towel in laundry room and we were done. She just turned 3 in December. She knows how to fix her problems, she knows she will not be judged for mistakes and she knows this is her home too and things have to taken care of. Without yelling, spanking or timeouts.

Heather - posted on 01/10/2010

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"Supernanny has no Early Childhood Education. Time outs don't work. They are cruel and excessive. We only isolate the worst of the worst criminals yet we treat toddlers like that every day. It goes beyond reason why anyone would do it. Goggle The Case against Time Outs. You should find tons of reasons never to do it again. Try a Time In. Stay with her. If it is so important to you then take the time with her. But the real question to ask is what your putting her in time out for really worth the damage you are doing to the parent/child bond. And don't kid yourself it is causing damage,
Time Outs migrated to General Parenting Practice from research by Skinner who was working with rats & pigeons. Your child is not a rat or a pigeon. Most of Skinners research has been discounted in way or another. Treat your child with respect. Take some time to learn how a childs brain works and how a child learns best before blindly following some dumb TV personality!"


I don't know about you, but I don't isolate my 3 year old when he's in a timeout- sitting still and calming down for a couple of minutes is not cruel and unusual punishment. Time-ins only teach a child that when they do something they shouldn't they get to sit in mommy's lap and be held. Hit the dog? Mommy's lap! Pinch your brother? Mommy's lap! They get rewarded for negative behavior. Yes, there's a movement away from time outs just like the movement away from vaccines- that doesn't give it any validity.


 

Aimee - posted on 01/10/2010

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Quoting sally:

I figured there would some sort of response this AM. Most people spend more time downloading apps for their iphones and programming their tivos to catch Greys Anatomy then taking the time to understand how babies and toddlers learn. Opening up to new and better thoughts is always hard for some. Realizing that just because that is what "you" do it does not mean it is the best way can be traumatic.
The lastest research on brain delvelopment backs me up as does the reactions I get from my daughter. I know that time outs don't work. I know that putting a childs face in a corner is mean and disrespectful. I know that when treated with respect, a child will mirror that respect back. There is a movement away from time outs and punitive punishments. I can't wait until it is mainstreamed. But I suppose until Supernanny and Dr. Phil or Oprah do a show on it that won't happen. We wouldn't want to read up on somethng as trival as our kids on our own, now would we?



 



 



 



Sally, I didn't see anyone judging you on your methods, or being rude to you in any way so,  I don't think it's fair of you to judge and blatently sneer and be disrespectful to others. People get ideas off television, yes. These people (Dr.Phil, Suppernanny, etc) PORTRAY themselves as professionals and people believe them. Does that make them terrible people? NO. It's just as easy to get misinformed information on the internet. I would be happy as to go as far as to say EASIER to get misinformed information by researching on the internet. In the end, it all depends on the specific child what sort of punishment "works" and what does not.  You never did go as far as to explain to us exactly what a "time in" was, or how you get your child to behave. I would be interested to know this information. And please, be respectful about it. 





 

Hope - posted on 01/09/2010

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Stay on it dont back down you are the parents , there the child, keep it up she will stay, she will get tired of fighting.

Saira - posted on 01/09/2010

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i agree with everyone, except the one about supernanny not being qualified. but thats ok. Kids will match your stubborness times 10. Just stay consistant and dont give in. its hard. i kno I am having the same issue with my son. i swear it takes me 2 hours to get him to stay on the rug for 2 minutes. I dont have a specific thing like he doesnt have to sit. He just has to keep himself on the rug whether he lays crying, sits, or stands as long as he is on the rug time goes. He just started puttin his toes at the very end of the rug and leaning forward. But i ignore that. I figure if it doesnt bug me he will stop.

Heather - posted on 01/09/2010

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Persistance. It is really frustrating b/c with my son I started im at 18 mos. and I would constently have to keep putting him back in timeout but I stuck with it and now he's tow and he knows what a time out is if I threaten him with it. He will still sometimes get out of time out but it's maybe once or twice then he will just sit there. You'll get it, I got my advise from supernanny also and that's what I have followed but the key I think is don't get discouraged ( which is easier said then done) and stick with it to show her if you still act up I will not back down regardless of how long it takes! At least you are trying and hopefully it all happens for you soon :)

Kerry - posted on 01/09/2010

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Hello Shantel,
I was a fortunate mom in that I did not have to use a "time out" spot for my son however I have had to for my daughter; a bright spot though is that I did not have to get it started until she was 3 1/2, now.

So.....I tried everything and like with you she got up and would follow me and she just would not stay. Well, that was until I changed my tatics.

1. there is NO longer just a spot. I move were the spot is ging to be based upon what has caused her to be there in the first place.
ex. if she has gottan in trouble for something and it involves her no looking at
me while I talk to her then, I will plsce her in an area so that she can not
see the TV.

2. I will place her in a room that the rest of the family is NOT in aka she can't see us
3. I will place the stool in the middle of the chosen room so she can't touch anything
4. Finally, she has to sit there until I say get down but, her time does not start until
she sits there nice and quietly not yelling, screeming, crying, etc.

So far I have had a VERY good response to this ya, she screams and yells and cries but, then she gets it out of her system plus I tell her she will get extra time if she continues and she pipes down real soon and she will stay untill I tell her to get down and go play.

Shantel I hope this is going to be helpful and/or useful for you.

Kerry

Caroline - posted on 01/09/2010

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time out has worked beautifully with my son since he was about 18 months, for my husband and I it has been the tool which has shown Nik that we are in control, not him. When he misbehaves we tell him that if he doesnt stop, he will go in time out, that didnt mean anything to him to start with... now it does, and he sometimes stops after the verbal warning.
After 3 verbal warnings we sit him down up against a wall, facing out, anywhere in the house, but AWAY from the tantrum spot. ei we remove him from the situation and WE take control of him. then we stand in silence not far from him and wait for 2 mins. if he moves, which he very rarely does, we put him back until he stays.

We never use angry voices, only stern controlled words. And we ALWAYS HUG afterwards and have a little chat about why he was put there to start with. He hugs us back and goes on his merry way, or will cooperate with us if he was put there for refusing to do something...

good luck! its a great method of showing a toddler who's in control, and it is NOT alienating at all, as long as you stand close by and there is a hug and a chat in the end!!!

Marie - posted on 01/09/2010

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Quoting Shantel:

whats your idea of an appropriate punishment??? if she throws a temper tantrum?? if she kicks the dog?? if she tells us no?? id like to know what else to do besides time outs and spankings?? enlighten me



For temper tantrums I walk away. The whole point of the tantrum is to get attention, once the attention is gone the tantrums are usually finished pretty quickly.



 



For kicking the dog, I would put her on the stool until she can calm down, then do her minutes. I would also make her do restitution for the dog. Maybe feed the dog or pick up poop.



 



Our basic rule is, take time to calm yourself on your naughty stool or reflection rug or where ever, then the child must do restitution to the person or animal they have caused the trouble for. Our society works on this premise. This is teaching them the realities of life.



 



We also do strong sitting, which helps their brains. It is a type of Brain Gym. They sit with their legs crossed and their arms crossed. They do the same amount of time as the naughty stool: 3 minutes for a three year old. I do not start the time until the child is ready.



 



After the minutes are up the child comes and tells me why they were put there. Now some children are too young to remember, so age appropriate is in order. I give them a hug for telling the truth and then I ask them what they would like to do to make it up to me.



This has worked with every child I have worked with. I have four children and also work with at risk kids by doing respite for parents.



 

Melissa - posted on 01/09/2010

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Supernanny has no Early Childhood Education. Time outs don't work. They are cruel and excessive. We only isolate the worst of the worst criminals yet we treat toddlers like that every day. It goes beyond reason why anyone would do it. Goggle The Case against Time Outs. You should find tons of reasons never to do it again. Try a Time In. Stay with her. If it is so important to you then take the time with her. But the real question to ask is what your putting her in time out for really worth the damage you are doing to the parent/child bond. And don't kid yourself it is causing damage,
Time Outs migrated to General Parenting Practice from research by Skinner who was working with rats & pigeons. Your child is not a rat or a pigeon. Most of Skinners research has been discounted in way or another. Treat your child with respect. Take some time to learn how a childs brain works and how a child learns best before blindly following some dumb TV personality!
rofl um well time out is alot less brutal then a spanking and it teaches the child his or her bounds if you dont teach them that then they will have a higher chance of ending up in jail or prison!due to the fact if they cant respect house hold rules how do they respect rules at all! to the person who posted my kids also didnt sit there but just keep up with what your doing you are setting an understanding that when she is bad she will have consequences and even though she doesnt get it quite yet she will, my kids didnt accually stay in time out with out supervision till they were about three and a few months old then I started the if you dont stay the timer stops and i add a min my daughter whos almost 31/2 now stays causes she doesent want to stay there longer!
keep it up your doing fine;)

Marie - posted on 01/09/2010

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I always say that kids can smell uncertainty. If you are not sure she will comply, then she will read you and not comply. You must decide within yourself that she will listen and she will. This might sound simple, but it really is. Stay on course and do not give in one inch; she will soon follow your directions.

Amber - posted on 01/09/2010

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My daughter is 20 months and if she needs a time out I place her in her crib and leave her there for maybe 5 mins. That way she can calm down without following me.

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I agree Sally. Time outs don't work - especially with a two year old! If my daughter is testing her boundaries I either start with her on another activity, distract, calmly talk to her about what would be more preferable behaviour etc. If my daughter is physical with her little brother I ask her to go and play in her toy room. I have actually closed the door on the odd occasion and even though it is her toy room, if that door has been closed, she really dislikes it so I would never leave it closed for longer than a minute. I really don't like the fact I have done this but when I have started to feel myself getting cranky - not very often - I didn't want to do or say anything I would regret.

I think parents over dicipline younger children for a few reasons. First of all it was probably the way they were raised so they think it is ok. Secondly, mainstream society and media portray this style of parenting as acceptable even though it is now becomming more evident that it is actually quite fruitless with young children. Thirdly, I think parents take their two year old's beahviour personally, when really the behviour is all about the two year old working out how they fit in this world and how their behaviour can get reactions out of others. It is not a persoanl attack or a 'fight/battle' of who can give in or be less stubborn when dealing with a two year old.

NB> I think as children get older 4/5 + you need to modify these methods

Tina - posted on 01/09/2010

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i had the same problem at first, the trick is to stand there and watch them to make sure they do not get up. dont talk to them just watch them....

Shantel - posted on 01/09/2010

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whats your idea of an appropriate punishment??? if she throws a temper tantrum?? if she kicks the dog?? if she tells us no?? id like to know what else to do besides time outs and spankings?? enlighten me

Sally - posted on 01/09/2010

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I figured there would some sort of response this AM. Most people spend more time downloading apps for their iphones and programming their tivos to catch Greys Anatomy then taking the time to understand how babies and toddlers learn. Opening up to new and better thoughts is always hard for some. Realizing that just because that is what "you" do it does not mean it is the best way can be traumatic.

The lastest research on brain delvelopment backs me up as does the reactions I get from my daughter. I know that time outs don't work. I know that putting a childs face in a corner is mean and disrespectful. I know that when treated with respect, a child will mirror that respect back. There is a movement away from time outs and punitive punishments. I can't wait until it is mainstreamed. But I suppose until Supernanny and Dr. Phil or Oprah do a show on it that won't happen. We wouldn't want to read up on somethng as trival as our kids on our own, now would we?

Aimee - posted on 01/09/2010

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I don't think a time out is about isolation. It's about taking a few minutes to reflect on what you've done that put you in there, and realize that there are consequences to your actions.

Just like, when you do "right" you get a reward, even if it's a high five and a hug. You have to reinforce the positive behaviors as well as the negative. The other day my three year old picked up her toys in her room for the FIRST TIME having only been asked once. She got an extra book read to her that night and a LOT of positive encouragment through words. When she does something she knows to be wrong (eg. pushing her little brother), she stands "with her nose on the wall" or, in our words, "In the corner". "Nose on the wall" is easier to understand for a three year old.

But anyway, what I'm trying to say is that it's important to recognize positive behavior, as well as negative. :) Good luck!!

Jocelyn - posted on 01/09/2010

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Quoting sally:

Supernanny has no Early Childhood Education. Time outs don't work. They are cruel and excessive. We only isolate the worst of the worst criminals yet we treat toddlers like that every day. It goes beyond reason why anyone would do it. Goggle The Case against Time Outs. You should find tons of reasons never to do it again. Try a Time In. Stay with her. If it is so important to you then take the time with her. But the real question to ask is what your putting her in time out for really worth the damage you are doing to the parent/child bond. And don't kid yourself it is causing damage,
Time Outs migrated to General Parenting Practice from research by Skinner who was working with rats & pigeons. Your child is not a rat or a pigeon. Most of Skinners research has been discounted in way or another. Treat your child with respect. Take some time to learn how a childs brain works and how a child learns best before blindly following some dumb TV personality.


Rofl! Yes because putting a three year old in a corner for 3 minutes is EXCACTLY the same as putting a killer in jail for 30 years...

Sally - posted on 01/08/2010

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Supernanny has no Early Childhood Education. Time outs don't work. They are cruel and excessive. We only isolate the worst of the worst criminals yet we treat toddlers like that every day. It goes beyond reason why anyone would do it. Goggle The Case against Time Outs. You should find tons of reasons never to do it again. Try a Time In. Stay with her. If it is so important to you then take the time with her. But the real question to ask is what your putting her in time out for really worth the damage you are doing to the parent/child bond. And don't kid yourself it is causing damage,

Time Outs migrated to General Parenting Practice from research by Skinner who was working with rats & pigeons. Your child is not a rat or a pigeon. Most of Skinners research has been discounted in way or another. Treat your child with respect. Take some time to learn how a childs brain works and how a child learns best before blindly following some dumb TV personality.

Megan - posted on 01/08/2010

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Very hard age. Just keep the time out enforced and keep putting them back in the spot when they get up. Eventually they will learn it is not as bad if they just stay there and don't get up. I use the counting thing. If I get to 3 I say she is getting spanked (my daughter is almost 5 though) I don't ever spank her but the thought of it scares her so when I usually get to 2 she is running to her room! :) Good luck though, like I said 2 and 3 is a hard age when they are learning a lot and have a hard time understanding things!

Amanda - posted on 01/08/2010

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Stay persistent like others have said. I saw that someone said to put the timer on for 10 minutes. It is recommended to have a child stay in time out as many minutes as their age. When I have my niece and nephew over that is what I do, they are 4 and 7 and if they talk during that time I add another minute.

Leslie - posted on 01/08/2010

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My daughter is one month from being two and we have also had a naughty spot, I have never had a problem with her moving from it but we depending on the severity of what she did she has also gotten a spanking. When I was taking care of my cousin though he loved to be social so to put him in a spot where he wasnt able to talk to any one and to just not talk to him for his timeout worked great. Keep being consistant though, its a good thing!

Kelsey - posted on 01/08/2010

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I also agree with Sara. When they act out, sometimes they are trying to get attention from you, even negative attention. They need to learn that being naughty gets them no attention, and being good is the only way they are going to get a reaction from you. When theyre in timeout, they have no logical reason for trying to get a reaction from you accept that they think theyre being sneaky and winning by interrupting their timeout. No matter how bady you want to say something after chasing them around the room 10 times, what you say, even as constructive as you might think it is, will keep them from figuring out for themselves what they did to get there, why they dont like it, etc. If you put them in timeout and say "because you were naughty, you have to sit in your naughty spot" or pretty much anything else for that matter, instead of sorting out the situation for themselves, your comment interrupt their progress, and instead of calming down, and learning to control themselves, they are feeling attacked and disrespected, which gets them more upset and turns a positive learning tool into a negative punishment. You dont need to point fingers at your child and make them feel bad for making a mistake, you can instead give them positive discipline and increase their self esteem instead of crushing it. Negative discipline makes them resent you and really slows their progress, but positive discipline encourages them and makes them want to make you proud.

Melissa - posted on 01/08/2010

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Tell her if she gets up there will be another consequence like having her special toy taken away. Diobedience = consequence. My 15 month old is just learning but I jsut stand there until time out is done. I have to tell her like 100 times to sit back down -and I never add more time -but its starting to work. My 2 year old fought me too. Also I let go of how they sit there. If they start to play with their shoe I choose my battle and let it go. The point is that they are sitting there. She will learn but you have to say around and not give your attention to something else. Its sucks but once they get it you won't have to stick around 24/7. She is still young. Hang in there.

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You have to sound like you mean it. Keep putting her back in her spot and let her know you expect her to stay. I use my oven timer.

Sarah - posted on 01/08/2010

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I agree with what everyone is saying about being persistant and keep putting her back in the spot no matter how many times and how long it takes. The timer idea is a good one too. Another thing I think is important is to not interact with her after you have put her in the spot the first time. When she gets up just bring her back to the spot without saying a word. Sometimes kids get up or ask questions or talk with you to interact and/or get a reaction out of you, which then defeats the purpose of the time-out. When she realizes that no matter how many times she gets up and no matter how long it goes you are going to keep putting her back in that spot and you are going to do it without giving her any interaction she will get board with it. It may take ALONG time of doing it though, but DON'T GIVE IN. The minute you give in means the next time you have to work 10x's more just to get to the spot you were at the last time. Once she realizes that you mean business over time all you will have to do is "the look" and she will get the message.

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