How do you guys deal with ...

Tabitha - posted on 12/19/2011 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Honestly I couldn't think of a way to finish that sentence. Simply because it's really hard to put a tag on the type of person I'm asking about.

Okay so here's the deal:
I'm a full time stay at home mom for the last seven years, and I plan on being one until my youngest child is in school. Recently I came under attack by my sister in law who believes that I'm a gold digging, uneducated, worthless, and lazy human being. (( NO... We don't get along at all. )) However, this isn't the first time I've come across this type of reaction from people I know who are full time working moms. I know that I shouldn't let this bother me - but this isn't the first time she's flat out attacked me or gotten other members of my husband's family to attack me (( they don't really like me too much because I will not let them run over me or my family )).

So how do you guys, if you have to face this from anyone, deal with this kind of thinking?


Thanks in advance!!!

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Medic - posted on 12/20/2011

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Tell her last time you checked you were not asking for her permission or approval but thanks for sharing.

[deleted account]

I had someone ask me one time "What is with your generation and not wanting to work". There was a lot of judgment from people about me staying home and the only thing I can tell you is as long as you and your husband are happy with your decision then that is ALL that matters. People who are not stay at home parents do not realize how much of a sacrifice it is. I stay home for my daughter. My mom stayed home with me and now we are best friends. I think it is a wonderful thing and if they can't be nice with you then I say you should stay away from them. Don't let their crap bring you down! :0)

Chrystal - posted on 12/28/2011

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When people ask what I do for work I say I work hard at home and my confidence in that statement tends to shut them up quick. But when it doesn't. I point out how much of their income really goes just into being able to be at their job they usually don't think about the reality of only bringing in a little extra once you take out all the cost of working. Or I bring up that it's been proven that marriages with only one working spouse are more likely to last and be happy marriages. Or if they are really in my face about it I say if I wasn't going to spend my time raising my kids why would I have them I'm not going to give them to other people to raise so I can work and get more stuff that's not what matters to me my family is what's important to me. If you're like my family and most stay at home families you give up some luxuries to stay home so when your sister in law says your a gold digger say yes I am aren't I doing well and point out your real surrounding I'm guessing there isn't loads of diamonds on your neck and a luxury car in your driveway lol. But honestly don't let other people bring you down you and your husband know you're doing what's best for your family and that is all that really matters let unhappy people be unhappy alone don't join them. good luck

Brittany - posted on 12/20/2011

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My husbands uncle told him to make me strap my child (then about 6 mos old) to my back and go to work. People who dont care about their families and who have never had the opportunity to stay at home with their children always have a negative opinion of Stay at home mothers. Truly it is none of their business what you do and what you don't do. In this case I really think that honesty is the best policy...since they seem to believe that it is okay for them to speak their minds to you about the subject, perhaps you should put them in their place..thats really the only way they are going to understand that it is your family and it is not really up to them whether you work or stay home til you are old enough to officially retire.. I am a generally an outspoken person and I couldnt bite my tongue while being attacked by everyone.

Janelson106 - posted on 12/19/2011

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When I get into discussions about finances with any one and they ask well dont you work? I say ....yes I work and a lot harder than you do because I have a 2 year old at home:) shuts them right up

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Caroline - posted on 12/27/2011

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Bless you for dealing with that on a regular basis! I love being a stay at home mom- after being a single, working full time mom for 6 years, part of which also included full time school, it is such a breath of fresh air! I Could work outside the home now, but if we can manage it financially, there are so many benefits to staying at home! In my opinion, for what it's worth, what would be the point of sending your kids off to daycare while you work at something less important than them, get headaches, have to get everyone up early or stay up late, stress over calling off when they're sick, get backed up on housework, be too tired to give them the attention they crave after being away from you, lack enthusiasm to be a good wife, and not have 'you' time.. unless you need the money and/or LOVE your job? I could go further into whether people really 'need' the money even if there's someone earning, but I'll be nice and not go there :)

Tabitha - posted on 12/27/2011

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Thanks to all of you ladies for your helpful, funny, and insightful responses. I have made the decision (sanctioned by the hubby no less) to just simply cut his sister from our lives. Basically, it's just better for my entire family unit. Sure, it's his sister, but if she's not wanting a handout (ie. "Buy my kids Christmas" or "Pay for my kids tuition") she's wanting us to fix whatever mess she's gotten herself into. I've got 3 kids to take care of, and there's only so much I'm willing to give to anyone else. This is what makes me a "gold digger" LOL. The fact that I put my little family unit above all else. I believe that's somewhere in the "Mommy/Wife Manual."

Either way - The husband and I are in the midst of discussing what's our best course of action for getting away (literally) from all of the people who are causing our family so much stress and just flat out bullpoopy. We figure that the further away we are - the chances are that they'll finally leave us alone.

Now on the other hand of that - I have a love hate relationship with being a housewife and a stay at home mom. I love it because I'm the one who gets to teach and raise my kids when they are young. I hate it ... simply because I'm a pretty shitty housewife, lol! I combat that whole negative side with the various side projects and freelancer jobs that I come across that I feel like doing. I don't Have to work, but when I do work I do it simply because I want to. I have the luxury of basically doing whatever I want to do because financially we're set. Maybe that's why she hates me? I don't get it really. However my stash of "Give a Crap" that I keep in my pocket is seriously under-funded.

Okay! I'm going to stop ranting now and sit back and watch some tv while the Micro-Terror Devices (aka - my kids) are asleep :) Thanks again guys!! Much appreciated ! :)

Jenna - posted on 12/27/2011

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I just say that I've chosen to make raising my family my career and I focus all my energy on that and don't have time for anything else.

Carol - posted on 12/20/2011

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I'd ask her to talk to her brother. Staying home is a joint decision between the parents. On the brighter side, at least she's being up front with you (in a major bitchy way). You will never get through to people like her that you add value in any way to anyone's lives. You cannot reason with them. Try to minimize your time you have to subject yourself to their stupidity.
I've had to stop talking with my own twin. I quit college to raise a family. I had a 4.0 in advanced science classes and 4.0 overall in 2 1/2 years worth of other classes. I'll get back to my nursing degree as soon as my husband's job settles down with travel, but to my sister, since she graduated, I'm a moron that can't possibly have a valid thought outside of mothering (and she nitpicks every aspect of that too). She claims that she supports me, but she puts me down every chance she gets and reminds me constantly that she's the one who graduated so I'm not qualified to offer suggestions (ie I suggested she write a contract with a business partner before she started her business - she wound up losing about $20K, but I'm the moron for suggesting she write things down instead of trusting an acquaintance of a friend). She's told my husband to take the kids and divorce me because I told my younger son to keep his feet off the back of her front seat (his new habit and it was spring so his feet were caked in mud). During the same family gathering, I told both kids to find something else to do (they were completely monopolizing the conversation for over an hour when the whole family got together for the first time in 5 years.) It proved to her what a nag I was as a mother and worthless to my husband because that was the only thing I did for him. There are so many other things that she has done. The best thing I did for our family was to stop talking to her. She upset me every time we spoke on the phone and in person it was infinitely worse. We'd agreed to be civil if we met at our mother's house (she was a SAHM too when we were little). Unfortunately, our mom passed away suddenly earlier this year. We were civil for the funeral and have spoken about 3 times since. I can't see getting past this until she apologizes, but she claims they never happened and I made it all up (my husband has a few e-mails of her telling him to leave me that were sent to his work and I have a couple that were sent to our joint e-mail)
Other than my own venting, I'm writing all this to let you know that there are plenty of us out there with close relatives that think we're worthless wastes of human beings. As long as you and your husband agree that this is the best thing for you to be doing, be happy to have the chance (and luxury) of staying home and watching your kids grow up and going to all their activities. Remeber that you do have a job, you just don't get paid for it in anything more than the occasional hugs and kisses (pretty good pay in my eyes)

Tinker1987 - posted on 12/19/2011

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sounds like the sister in law is jealous in some weird little way...when people try and talk smack to me about being a stay at home mom,i just throw it in their face that i have the luxary of getting to raise my baby until he is school aged,rather then sticking him in a germy filled daycare. useally shuts them up...our stay at home mom role is not appreciated,by all. just ignore them.

Shannintipton - posted on 12/19/2011

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I joke about being a stay at home mom. I know something I do nothing so I say it before they can. When asked what do I do for a living. I flat out say I do nothing and I am very good at it. Then they kind of chuckle and leave me alone. I have taken the fun out of it for them. And it lets them know it doesnt bother me what others think. Sorry this is happening to you. But we really know what is going on. It is a tough full time 24 hour job.

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