How do you respond to people who upon learning you are a SAHM...

Michele - posted on 09/14/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )

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say to you "it's good if you can do it." Referring to your being at home with your children. I find that people think that just because I'm a stay at home mom that we are wealthy people and didn't have to pull in the belt and dig deeper in our pockets to allow us to have me home with our daughter. It is very frustrating to me. There are many things we choose not to have and don't buy so that we could have our daughter raised by a parent rather than a paid childcare provider.

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Lori - posted on 09/14/2010

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It is amazing that this is the general response of so many people. I know many SAHM and many working moms, I think that too many times it becomes a competition. The working mothers think you are either wealthy or you are depriving your children and some SAHM think that working mothers choose their jobs over their children. I say both of these attitudes are ignorant. I have been a SAHM for almost two years now. Are we rich? Absolutely not. But do we make it commfortably? Absolutely. My son wants for nothing. There has never been anything my son needed or wanted that we have not been able to provide. And working mothers sometimes just don't have a choice, they can't afford to stay home. Others feel they are better parents if they spend time away from their children daily. I can understand this, sometimes it is overwhelming and I need a break but I would not change my life for anything. I have my bachelors in Early Childhood Education as well as my Special Ed Certification and I choose to put my career on hold. I think there are so many misconceptions out there on both sides that sometimes you just have to smile and say I love...........it's what's right for my family.

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Michelle - posted on 07/18/2011

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I was a SAHM for the first 10 months of my daughter's life until I went back to work. I worked retail, which meant nights, so there was always one of us home with our daughter 85% of the time. My mom kept her for the few hours difference. By the time I went 9-5, M-F, she was in preschool. Not by my choice--being home with us and her grandparents, she didn't need to speak, so at 3 1/2, she wasn't talking. The speech therapist told us to put her in preschool...and she'd catch up. So it worked out during the school year. Summers kind of sucked, but she's 14 now, and with her grandparents six doors down, she's okay staying by herself. (Plus, her SD comes home for lunch, and the whole family--grandparents, aunts, uncles, and her cousin stops by to check on her unannounced.) I wished I'd been able to handle the stay at home, thing, but I couldn't. I admire women who can...but am I jealous? Not really. I see benefits to their way, and benefits to mine..and even if 'someone else raised my child' I know that the someone else was my mom. I was there when she walked for the first time. I was the one who asked the dr why she didn't crawl, like most babies. I was the one who heard her laugh for the first time. So I didn't miss much..if anything.

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Jenny I had that from my mother in law she was always buying clothes etc for my sister in law because she was a single mother with only one wage coming in and i said well we only have one wage too plus she gets financial help from the government because shes single where as we dont.

Jenny - posted on 04/07/2011

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I find it funny when my single friend complains that she's on a single income sustaining a mortgage. Hello?? My husband is the only one working so we're on a single income sustaining a mortgage, plus two kids!

People just dont think and have no idea what its like. Half the time we're all talking out of our arse just to be saying something.

Stifler's - posted on 04/07/2011

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My motivation is kind of financial though. We'd be no better off if I worked, therefore I might as well stay home. If it was worth it for us both to work I'd continue studying and work.

Michelle - posted on 04/07/2011

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It's funny that people think that. I have to wonder if people realized what they pay to be working parents. You have to be paid a good amount of money to come out ahead financially on that one. It's really funny that somebody would think your motivations to stay home must be financial. I guess you're not supposed to want to be home with your kids anymore.

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I find the wealthy thing funny too. I don't work because childcare is WAAAY to expensive. I would have to make at least $13 an hour just to pay for child care (at 40 hrs a week).

Stifler's - posted on 04/07/2011

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I don't really care, this is what came naturally to my partner and I. He makes 3 times what I made at work so I stayed home. Daycare here is expensive, more expensive than my job paid!

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I think we are all trying to do what we think is best in our own ways. I know a lot who cant afford to stay home with their kids and i feel lucky i can. I have to say I admire single mothers who return to work and give their child a better upbringing than if they were on benefits.

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I used to be a working mom and now I'm a SAHM. When I was working, I envied the SAHM because I wanted so badly to be with my kids. I always thought very highly of SAHM and never placed any negative thoughts about that-knowing in the back of my mind that it could be very challenging at times because there really aren't any breaks or "vacation" days. It's mom 24/7.

Now that I am a SAHM, I am embracing the idea so much more. I am thrilled with our choice to have me stay at home and I love the time I have with my children. Don't get me wrong--There are times when I say to myself.."at least when I was working, I could get a break sometimes", but overall it was the best decision we made and I would never make any comments like the ones others have mentioned. I guess it's a lot easier for me to accept because it's what I've always wanted and that's what's important to me. If someone says something negative, I usually say something like: it works for us and I'm happier now-and that's what is best for our kids in the long run!!!

Candy - posted on 09/14/2010

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I say yes. I am a very lucky Mom who has a Husband willing to work 2 sometimes 3 jobs so I can stay home and raise OUR children and not have someone else raise them.

Sarah - posted on 09/14/2010

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I think sometimes people say that because they don't know what to say. Some people truely want to stay home and just can't afford it and wish they could. Some people don't want to give up those things they are used to having. And some enjoy working, but feel bad or guilty for saying that so say the "if you can afford it" phrase. I use to get irrated when people would say that. I think it was mostly because I felt like they were not acknowleding the sacrifices and hard work that I had to do to be able to stay at home. Now I don't let it affect me so much and just say yep we have to budget carefully.

Montana - posted on 09/14/2010

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i know how ya feel. people say that all the time. truth is i cant afford daycare. (not that i would do it anyway) I've always known I wanted to be at home with the kids. I just look at the people who say that and say "it's not for everyone." I tell them its harder than ya think. Its a full commitment that never ends. If they prod more I say "we make it work for us. I love my life". that usually quiets them lol

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