How far apart are your children?

Leslie - posted on 01/10/2010 ( 67 moms have responded )

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What pros/cons did you experience with closer together vs. further apart?

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Annette - posted on 01/15/2010

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my girls are almost 8 years apart my oldest is about to be 8 in feb and my youngest is just now 4m old and i love it .. the older one loves to help with her and loves to try to play as well shes a big help to have around im really happy i waited as long as i did i wanted my oldest to feel she was my baby for a long time and as she got older and understood it all then i felt i was ready too.. i think its truly up to each of your own feelings as to how long you space them some love it close and some love them far apart i was really close in age with one of my brothers and far apart from the other one im only 15months apart in age and with my other brother im 5 years older then him and as we grew it was nice to have a brother close in age yet now as a grown up its not much of a deal and hasnt been for a long time .. lol..

Jane - posted on 01/11/2010

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We have 2 boys, 12 years apart! I thought it would be really hard on my oldest son 'cause he was an only child for so long but they love each other so much & it's great to have an extra "almost" adult around to help. I don't expect any sibling rivalry because they are so far apart in age. I think any age difference is great, just because kids are close in age doesn't mean they'll be close & vice versa. It all depends on the kids & their personalities.

Shaina - posted on 01/11/2010

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I have 3 children and am pregnant with my 4th. My first 2 are exactly 17 months apart to the day. Babies 2 and 3 are 18 months apart. When this baby is born, there will be an 18 month gap between babies 3 and 4.

I love having my children so close together. It has fostered as closeness among them that I don't see among other children because they've never been alone. As far back as any of them can remember, I've been nursing a baby or pregnant with the next.

Andrea - posted on 01/11/2010

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My son and daughter are 18 months apart.. I wouldn't change it for a thing... I didn't want a big age gap, as my hubby is 16 years younger then his brother and i am 7 years younger then my brother.. So I told my hubby that when we started having kids i wanted them to be close in age... I had friends who say just the opp... But i think it all depend on your realtionship, you childern and any thing else that comes along with kids.. Best Wishes

Melissa - posted on 01/11/2010

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my kids are btween 19 and 24 months apart. I thnk it's better to have them closer together but it really depends on the kids. My sister and I are 5 years apart and couldn;t stand to be in the same room when we were kids. My kids are much better but the boys still have a lot of sibling rivalry. So I really think it depends on the kids.

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Christina - posted on 01/20/2010

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For every pro there is always a con for instance the older ones being closer in age they do get along better but when they fight they really fight knock down drag out fights. My older son absolutely loves his baby brother because they can play and he remains in charge and he has a gentle nature. My middle son still has some issues with the baby because he does not know how to be gentle when they play. But he is my hit first ask questions later kid. Every childs personality is going to be different they just have to learn to adjust to one another no matter how many years they are apart and unfortunately as their parent so do you. No matter how far apart you decide to have your children there will always be issues that arise between them and yourself and you can read as many how to books about those issues and you will never find the right answer. For me its a day to day battle with all the new things that happen between my children. When you think one is over a new one appears. I guess what I'm trying to say is do what you want. If you want them close have them close or vice versa ultimately your going to love and cherish them no matter what and there will always be issues that come about no matter their age differences.

Christina - posted on 01/19/2010

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I have 3 boys 5yrs 10mos, 4yrs 2mos, and 10 1/2 mos. Its very hard sometimes but it is also lots of fun. I personally think its easier if they are around 3yrs apart they develope a better appreciation for each other.

Kathlene - posted on 01/19/2010

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I have six children two are my stepsons and four are my own!I love having a big nice family,but i must say they do get rowdy(the oldest four are all boys)!My children are all two years apart,except for my youngest.There's a six and half year difference from her and the youngest of the five.I love all of my children, but having the big gap with the baby has been wonderful!Our whole family enjoys her,and I get so much help from the other siblings!When my older children were much younger I always felt like I was in a rat race with all of the fighting,yelling,and all that comes with brothers and sisters.I'm shocked and surprised at how the older ones have bonded and love their baby sister.If I had to recommend an age difference I would say at least wait three to four years in between.I hope I have been somewhat helpful.,,,,

Krista - posted on 01/18/2010

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I have kids 23 months apart and kids only 13 months apart waiting like i would reccomend a good 20 months apart before you get pregnant. You don't want them to be too far apart to where they have nothing incommon and you don't want them so close it makes them hate each other because they are doing all the school functions together

Kelly Louise - posted on 01/18/2010

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my first was in 1996, then i had a miscariage just after about 2 years later. then there is a big gag between my eldest and my second one. five years he was born in 2001 and my third one was in 2003.. not bad.. we being trying to have another one after my youngest but my body doens't want to have one...don't know why but yeah

Janet - posted on 01/18/2010

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My children are all two years apart and I wouldn't change a thing....Was very busy when they were little but it helped the days go faster. I have 4 girls, 21, 19, 17, and 15 also my two oldest have a 3 year old girl and a 3 year old boy whom I daycare while they attend school. They always had someone to play with or fight with depending on the day!

Lori - posted on 01/18/2010

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14 years. Some days I wouldn't do it any different and others.... My boys still fight even though one is 21 you would think they were just a year or two apart. But they have a great relationship even though the age difference. My youngest idolizes my oldest. Having them so far apart has made raising the second seem easier? I guess. I am older, more patient and I know much much more now than I did back when I was just a pup and had no idea what having a child was like. But maybe no matter what the age difference is that is the way it is. The downfall is that I was about done with baby sitters, and such then wow I am pregant again. So I am more tired now than I was when I was younger and when I am done I will be in my 50s instead of my 30s. But may be that is a selfish way to look at it. All in all I wouldn't do it any differently.

Theresa - posted on 01/18/2010

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I have 3 children and #4 on the way. The two boys will be 14 and 11 in March my daughter is 15 months and the baby is due in March. The boys being 3 years apart was nice. James was able to play on his own and understand that Michael needed more time and didn't understand waiting like he could. Then when Elizabeth came around it was wonderful. The boys were so excited to have a baby inthe house and they are so much help with her. I try to make sure I don't take advantage of their helpfullness, but there are times when they know that's part of thier responsibility (like when I need them to watch her so I can shovel the drive way). I usually give then the choice go shovel (or mow, whatever) or watch her while I do it. I think it will be interesting when the baby comes since I've never had babies that close together. I've already told the boys I'll need help, and they are willing. My husband is a restaurant manager working 60-70 hours a week, so even tough I'm married I joke that I'm like a single mom. But I highly recommend the big age difference it had been so much fun just enjoying Elizabeth and not trying to see what the next stage is like, or having to chase after another (though that will end soon enough).

Krys - posted on 01/18/2010

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My children r 12 yrs and 8 months apart. I LUV it!! I couldn't have handled it if I would have had a 2 or 3 yr old n a newborn. My child is old enough 2 help out n I appreciate things more because Id forgotten alot about having a baby around. For most ppl they think Im crazy.....LOL..I say Im just starting a new adventure a little later. Sure Im a little slower than I was with my first but I take advantage of every day now. My daughter has been a blessing...she LUVS helping and we talk about teen pregnancy because she sees how hard having a baby is. So even thou Ean was a shock(however we had tried for yrs) what a blessing he has been for my family.

Natasha - posted on 01/17/2010

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I have a 15 month old daughter and a 4 month old son....you guessed it (11 months apart). Parenting has its ups and downs however, I am happy to have mine close in age. There are times when it is difficult (grocery shopping or even getting them ready in the morning) but its not as bad as it seams. I have learned to go with the flow. They are great kids even at this age. My daughter shows very little signs of jealousy and looks forward to her little brother getting up and moving so they can play together. She loves him even at this age. I allow her to initiate contact with him and she is very careful with him. His face lights up when he sees her and he's eager to play with her. I wouldnt have it any other way...not that it would matter, this is the hand Im dealt and I enjoy every moment of it.

My sisters and I are all 4 years apart (imagine us at 16, 12, and 8) all interested in different things and we fought like crazy....We are close now but only as adults.

Monica - posted on 01/17/2010

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I'm a mother of three 14, 3 1/2 and 3 mths; The 11 yr age diff between my oldest and middle is difficult because my oldest has a difficult time coping with the younger sibblings she trys her best but she is so accustom to being the only child until there are times where we have to remind her to be a little more patient with the little one's that's why my husband and I decided to have the last two closer together so they able to grow up together.

Danielle - posted on 01/17/2010

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my oldest is 9 and youngest is 16 months and another due in 9wks. The only problem i have had with the age gap is my youngest getting into my oldest favorite things and being destructive with them. We have tried to work on that because he only gets into things because my oldest leaves things lying around carelessly. Other than that, the gap is great because my oldest is a huge help.

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We had 3 in 3 and a half years. Pros are they can share everything, cons are they don't want to. Pros are, my husband and AI will be a husband and wife again, in approx 12 years, in a relatively quiet house. Cons are that I would love to have a baby just as much now as I did before my first, only those days are finished. We did get a cute little puppy recently, though.

Mairead - posted on 01/17/2010

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5yrs between first two and 2yrs between second two had two miscarrages in between

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I have three daughters. The first two are 3years apart and the youngest 2 are 16months apart. The are now 5.5, 2.5, and 13months. And all fight. Most days it's just the older 2. Now that the littlest one is getting bigger she gets in on the action too.

Paige - posted on 01/17/2010

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now for the +/- having my older two close in age was great for them to grow up together always having someone to play with, I never had to seek "play dates" (not that such a beast exsisted in the day!!) to fill my childrens time, they always had each other (like it or not :) ) they fought like cats and dogs, but were inseperable at the same time. It was rough having one toilet training and one in diapers, and EXHAUSTING having a 2yr old and a newborn..but well worth it.
Now, with the HUGE age gap, I still have my 18yo girl at home with my 5.5mo girl, the benifits are obvious...I have help!! Babysitter, time to time nanny (she works and goes to school, so is not at my disposal)but her and her sis have an amazing bond...they even share a birthday ( I couldnt have done that intetionally if I tried!!)

Petra - posted on 01/17/2010

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My kids are 22 months apart and it's been great because they are close enough in age where they play together. My daughter did alot of things much earlier than my son because she would imitate big brother.

Victoria - posted on 01/17/2010

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All of my kids are 1 1/2 or less apart. there is 4 years and 11 months between my oldest and my youngest. It was hard but it got so much easier as they grow. potty training and learning are a group affair. My youngest is now in second grade and all do very well in school with the extra help from siblings.

Lisa - posted on 01/17/2010

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I have four, my oldest are 15 months apart and boys, and they are the best of enemies. My oldest hates having a littler brother who wants to play with him all the time. When they were 5 and 6 I had a little girl and they both adore her. Especially my younger boy--they get along great. I've just recently had another, so the girl and my newborn are 26 months apart and it's hard, but better than the boys because she helps with the baby, even though she's still in diapers and pretty much a baby herself.

Cassie - posted on 01/17/2010

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I have 4 children...my oldest and middle are 14 months apart...my middle and 3rd son are ALMOST 12 months apart and the 3rd and youngest are 4 yrs. apart.

Somedays...i think it was DEF. easier when they were babies. The biggest problems we have are with the 2nd and 3rd boys. For some reason, they either love each other or HATE each other and it really just depends on the day.

Another mom said it very well...they do keep each other company but they also have a lot of jealousy issues. The 7 yr. old doesn't understand why he can't stay up 30 min. later like the 9 yr. old... I can't really say pros/cons either way. I always thought it would get easier when they got older and it hasn't yet. To see the way they all dote on the youngest one though is amazing. That may be because of the time in between or it may be because she's the only girl...I don't know. For me personally, and that's what this really is...a personal choice for you, I would've like to have more time in between them so that I could actually enjoy my children. That's one thing I noticed when I had the last one...I actually got to ENJOY every little thing with her. The boys were older and in school so I had 2 hours with just her that I didn't have with the boys. Please don't misunderstand...I love my boys and did enjoy them...but it wasn't the same. I was always juggling the boys...there was very little one on one with them when they were tiny. I would personally advise a person to put atleast a year in between kiddo's just for that reason alone. It goes SO fast...enjoy them while you can!

Amy - posted on 01/17/2010

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My girls are exactly 3 years apart, both born in late May. I think that for the most-part it is a really good age difference. My older daughter loves her baby sister to pieces and calls her little pet names~it is soo cute! She even asked Santa to bring a ladybug toy for her baby sister. :) We did go through a very BIG jealousy period in the beginning and it definitely comes back at times. I sometimes think that if I had had them closer to 2 years apart it may have been better as the older would not have had so much time getting used to her being our only. However, she does LOVE to help wherever she can and it is just so cute and she really is helpful. :)

Karla - posted on 01/16/2010

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By the time our second child comes- my son will be close to 2 yrs. I am praying that i will have the energy and time to spend with both!

Karla - posted on 01/16/2010

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My husband and i are wanting to plan have a second child; when my son hits one year.

Joelle - posted on 01/16/2010

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My first two were 22 months apart. The pros are that they always have each other to keep them company but there is a jealousy issue and they did fight occasionally. Now that they are nearing teen age years they don't have that much to do with each other, different interests and activities although they still do things together occasionally. My last child is 4 1/2 years younger the pros were I kept my sanity but the con is he is lonely at times. His older siblings will play with him but he tends to get on their nerves as well. And the older two tend to tell the younger one what to do and treat him as if his their same age which is very frustrating for the youngest. But the older two also baby the youngest and give in to him quite frequently. My youngest has also grown up a lot faster having older siblings, he wants to be like them. As far as having things in common it depends on the personality because I feel like my middle child and the youngest have more in common then with the oldest child. All said they get along for the most part. If I had to do it again I might have a fourth child closer to the youngest so he could have a playmate before school years. Instead I was his playmate and had to occupy his time either that or I found play dates for him so he wouldn't be lonely.

Carrie - posted on 01/16/2010

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My boys are 16 -April, 13-October, 9-July. I liked that spacing because they were more able to understand that a new baby was coming and could even help a little! I also felt that they had been to have all the quality time spent with them when they were babies, cause at 3 1/2 they weren't babies anymore. I just had a little girl in November. Obviously it's easier cause the boys are so much older, but it will be like she's an only child cause they are so far apart in ages.

[deleted account]

Mine are 3yrs 10 months apart. My daughter is 6yrs an my baby boy is 2yrs. "There's a mini mommy in the house" ... what a good little helper she is and the age difference worked out great!

Kola - posted on 01/16/2010

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i have three children and there is 19 months between the first and the second and 26 months between the second and the third ( would of liked the gap to of been smaller but just couldnt fall pregnant) i like having them this close cause they go though the stages of life together and its good for us as well - for example we are almost out of the baby things ( like the cot) and into computers and stuff which gives more room in the house. if we were to have a bigger gap we would have a house full of baby things, barbie dolls and computer games, lol... it just wouldnt all fit

Melissa - posted on 01/16/2010

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My oldest is 14.5 months old and my youngest is 2 months old. I can't really list off the pros and cons of having them close together because they are still so young but me and my little brother are 13 months apart and my older sister and brother are 14 months apart and one thing I have noticed is that the closer in age the better friends they are. Me and my little brother are best friends and have a lot in common where as the older siblings are 4 and 5 years older then me and they always felt like they were the ones that had to watch over me and it strained our relationship because they thought more of us as burdens then friends.

Julia - posted on 01/15/2010

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My two were born 6 months apart, thanks to our two womb marriage. They pass for twins. I love watching them teach each other new things.

Karla - posted on 01/15/2010

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I got pregnant with my oldest at 19 and everyone told me I should wait before having my 2nd child,well I took that advice a little too serious and waited 6 1/2 years. Now it is very very hard to do activities with my oldest since we have a 7 month old and its hard for my oldest to understand and she says "we used to do this but now we have a baby and we can't"..it breaks my heart, so I got pregnant again to have my babies back to back they will be 13 months apart we will see how that works out.

Danelle - posted on 01/15/2010

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All of my children are adopted, so I had the more option on age difference, but as history My sister and I are 3 years apart and I thought that was a very good difference, we were independent from each other but also had and still have a very close relationship, so I chose to have all of my children be 3 years apart they are 9, 6, 3,3 (b/g twins), and 4 mos. Although through adoption they were all adopted at different ages. my 6 yr old was first at birth then the 9 yr old when she was 4, the twins last year and of course the baby 4 mos. ago. They all seem to be close now and I hope they continue this closeness as they grow.

Amy - posted on 01/15/2010

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I have 5 children of my own and 3 step-children (recently acquired) My chilrden are 10, 6, 5, 4, and 6 months. There is 3 1/2 years between my first two, and I enjoyed the experience of being a mom of 1 for that long. There is 18 months between my second and third and 12 1/2 months between my 3rd and 4th. The early years were crazy with them, but I loved every minute. The 3rd and 4th are both boys and they are more like twins than anything else. My 3rd couldn't walk when my 4th was born, so it was hard to carry a 1yr old and a new born. There is 3 years 9 months between my 4th and 5th and I worry that my last won't be as close as the others are now. I now have 16 yr old and 14 yr old step sons that live with us and they are great with the baby but not so much with my others. I think I preferred the closeness of having my children close together better than spreading them out.

Marit - posted on 01/15/2010

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I have all mixes! I had 3 in 3.5 years. Then, I waited 4.5 years and then waited 5 years. I have 5 kids ranging from 17 to 4. It is an amazing thing. The oldest ones help babysit, run errands, buy groceries ( if they want the car for friends, they had better return my library books, buy that list of groceries and put the gas in the car.... lol. ) and older kids benefit from appreciating the joy and love of a newborn in the house.

However, the closeness of having children close in age is awesome! My oldest 3 fight like cats and dogs, but they are best friends, too. They can share similar interests and friends. Being that close in age, they see each other more as peers and less as the annoying little sibling that the 4-5 year gap seems to engender. I say just keep going! lol. After 3 kids, the other can help so it isn't much harder, just different. I taught the first two all about their name and letters. The third learned the alphabet from his siblings before I had a chance! The last two are farther apart and often lonely for playmates. They feel left out more. But, the youngest still have more years and attention with us when the oldest three leave home over the next 4 years.

Dawn - posted on 01/15/2010

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Hi! I have two daughters that are 4 years apart! The cons are that they have absolutely nothing in common, ha ha the youngest wants to hang with the oldest and the oldest doesn't want her around, constant arguments! It can get frustrating for us parents to find things both will find interesting. The pros are that they both have their own personal lives such as friends and interests, they will never be in the same school together and there is hardly ever any competition between the two of them, unless they are playing together which rarely happens!

Debbie - posted on 01/15/2010

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My boys are 10 1/2 months apart. Addison was IVF as I was told I couldn't have children and Spencer was a shock! So for 6 weeks on the year they will be the same age. It's had work but wouldn't change a thing. I also want another one soon as I'm not getting any younger. Some people think that I'm mad, but I have always wanted a big family as there is 14 years between me and my brother and I felt like an only child.

Kristen - posted on 01/13/2010

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I have three kids. My first two are 14 months apart and the last two are 18 months apart. And honestly i love it. It's (of course) hard work at first. But it really is wonderful in the long run.

Ronda - posted on 01/13/2010

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I have 5 yrs between my oldest and middle, 14 mon between my middle and youngest. They are all girl's. We tried to have one when the oldest was about 15 mon but it didnt happen. God had other plans in store for us; So you can imagine my amazement when I got pregnant so fast and easy with my youngest. The 2 little one are like twins. They fight but also love the same things. My oldest is a great help but sometimes she doesnt like being the oldest sister

Ana - posted on 01/13/2010

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My two oldest daughters are only 2 years apart( right on the dot) and the last one was born when the middle one was 13.
I had to start all over again, but is like my toddler has three moms, and I feel like I have 2 teenagers and a miny-teenager, is crazy sometimes.

Jill - posted on 01/13/2010

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We have Irish twins (11.5 months) and a 3rd child that came 5 years later. Our two oldest have never really known life apart from each other. They play well together (they have their fights too) and they genuinely love each other. With our youngest, he has always had difficulty playing with the other two due to the level difference. They love their younger brother, but the love is different.

Heather - posted on 01/13/2010

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Mine are 17yrs,15yrs,14yrs,12yrs,10yrs,8yrs, and 3 yrs old...and it works for my family. They are close in age and have things in common while the younger ones have the older ones to mimick. I think it's just a matter of how you feel as to how the kids get along. I wasn't happy to have mine so close together (it's rough on your body) or to have so many but now I wouldn't change a thing. While my kids do bicker with each other, they stand together when someone else tries to bother one of them. The older ones help with the younger ones and they all make me laugh and remind me that I am not too old to play games, go sledding or try something new.

[deleted account]

mine are 10yrs,7yrs,4yrs and 6mths its a little hard at times but i wouldnt have it any other way!!!.That is till they all get sick!!! lol.

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