How long to wait before having child number 2?

Kendra - posted on 04/03/2010 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I remember when i was still prego with my first child when my husband asked me when we could have our next one. I was in shock. An now that our son is 9 months old my husband is really asking how long we have to wait till we start trying again for number 2. Being a stay at home mom i am with my Son 24/7 and i wouldnt have it anyother way but i dont think i can handle starting over again right now with him being this young still! What should i tell my husband?

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Jenni - posted on 04/04/2010

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My first two are 14 months apart and, while it was difficult at the time, it is great now that they are 4 and 5! They are great friends. Also, I didn't notice my first have a problem of jelousy when the second was born. She was just a little too young. But She has really had a problem with our third. She got set in her ways and when #3 came along it kinda messed up her little world (she was almost 4 when #3 was born).
But really, like others have said, it's all about what you and your husband decide. And it is good to decide together. I am ready for another, but my husband isn't there yeat, so, we will wait. . .

Tricia - posted on 04/04/2010

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That's completely up to you and your husband. My son will be four in May and we're expecting baby number 2 in the winter. Let me tell you, at 9 months, babies are pretty easy; it gets much more fun, but A LOT more difficult. I think you should go with your instinct on this one. What's the rush? I could not imagine having two in diapers, but some moms are supermoms and can totally handle it. That's just not me. But some women do it so well, and that's amazing to me. I do strongly feel, however, that each child deserves a bit of alone time with mommy and daddy before a sibling becomes part of the equation. I like knowing my little guy will have memories of it just being the three of us. And he'll always know he was the center of our attention for a while.

Elizabeth - posted on 04/04/2010

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I got pregnent with my second when my first was 3months old then with my 3rd my 2nd was 10months and my 3rd was 1year 3months when I got pregnant with my 4th It is never too soon as long as you feel ready xx

Jessica - posted on 04/04/2010

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We are going to wait until the end of this year/beginning of the next to start trying again; my son is also 9 months so he will be a year and a half then. Though honestly some days I wouldn't care if it happened sooner :)

Kenna - posted on 04/04/2010

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Your first baby should have the chance to be the baby for a while. Unless there is some medical issue or pressing thing that will prevent you for having number two a little later, let your forst one have a chance to have you all to himself for a while :)

Medic - posted on 04/03/2010

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From a medical standpoint it takes a womans body 2 years to recover from a pregnancy...so just tell him that. Mine are just under 3.5 years apart and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Iysha - posted on 04/03/2010

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Tell him you're not ready and have good reasons to back you up.

From 0-2 yrs apart, you get the hassles of infancy out of the way (diapers, bottles, not knowing what 2 kids want) but it is tiring and most toddlers have difficulty coping with another baby around. There is a lot of sibling rivalry but it ends and you end up with 2 kids that are close later on.

2 1/2 to 4 years apart you have a little helper. Your oldest is potty trained, off the bottle, and can play by himself. They can say how they're feeling and are less likely to resort to hitting and kicking. It's harder to go back into infant mode and it's harder for the older child to relate to the baby until they get older.



Over 4 years apart...well, you have a kid that is in school and can focus on one infant while he's at school and have 2 kids around for less time during the day which isn't as exhausting. There isn't much competition for attention but they won't play together as often and may not truly appreciate the other's company until way later in life...like college years. Lol.



So really, its just what you want...and what you don't want. I want my daughter to be around 2 when we have another. I am not planning on being a SAHM forever...I want to finish school and get my career going. I am new to the SAHM thing and I like it but I also want to work out of the home once my kids go to school. I figure the closer together I have them, the sooner I can get the career part of my life going and still have time with them. I don't want one infant and the other in grade school because once we are making the extra income from me working, the oldest will be a lot older and see all the things we have for the new baby that we didn't have for her. I just think closer in age works better for me. I just have to remember to take it one step at a time and know that the fighting will not last forever! Lol

Tracy - posted on 04/03/2010

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It's totally up to you and your husband, but let me share some experience to give you somehwere to start. Children who complete potty training by age 2 or 2 1/2 tend to regress to having accidents when something traumatic happens such as a sibling being born, a change in schools, loss of a parent, etc. For this reason many of my friends said they started trying to have another baby when baby #1 was about 22 to 24 months old. That way, baby #1 is about age 3 when baby sibling comes along. My husband and I were of that same mind as well, to wait until our son was 2 or even 3 when we started trying for our 2nd. But I guess God had something different in mind because our daughter arrived when my son was 4 1/2! That has really been a good age spread. Not too close to be competitive and not too far that they didn't grow up together (they are 10 and 15 now!).



Talk to your husband and see why he's in such a rush. Let him know your fears that you will not be able to give enough attention to either baby because they would be so close together in age, both requiring lots of hands on care. The older child needs to be able to play independently for a while so that you can feed and bathe the baby without having your attention divided. That would be unsafe for the kiddos! Good luck!

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