How many kids should I have?

Beck - posted on 04/06/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I have 2 gorgeous girls, one is 2 and the other is only 10 months and I want to have one more child when my littlest is 2, but I also have a step son and my husband isn't really very partial to having another baby, but I want a son so bad. My sister has two boys and I love them both to bits and I want my own. The only thing is if I went back for a 3rd and got another girl I would be heart broken because have decided that if we do have another that will be it. No more for us. I don't know if I want to take the chance on having another girl. We have also decided to find out what we are having in the case we do decide for a third.
Also I don't want to take away from my husband and step sons relationship by adding another boy into the mix... is it really worth it? Am I being selfish by wanting my own son when it could end up being bad to the family relationships?

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I think Kristin's advice above is fantastic!!! The main relationship you should be concerned about is the one between you and your husband, as if you strain it too much and it breaks then there are alot of kids who will also suffer!

My husband has two children, a son and a daughter and together we have three boys. I desperately wanted to have my own girl but it just wasn't meant to be. And while I think I will always have that "what if we had tried again" feeling, we decided that five children was enough and that any more would just be too much of a strain on our marriage. You need to weigh up how you will cope if you do have another girl, will you be okay with that?

When my first son was born my step-son was extremely anxious about another boy "taking his place" especially as at that time he was not living with us full-time. We were really mindful about really including him (and my step-daughter), having lots of discussions, and most importantly ensuring that he got to spend special time with his dad. There will definitely be an impact on their relationship...but it doesn't necessarily have to be a negative one!

Best of luck with your decision, just remember that you really need to think this through and discuss it all with your husband!!!!

Kristin - posted on 04/09/2010

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Talk with your husband about this and include all of your concerns, it's too big a decision to make alone. You are not selfish to want a boy. But, I truly believe that if you go for a third, it should be because you want a thrid child. The sex should be a secondary nicety following healthy.

As for the relationship between your step-son and his father, yes a baby (boy or girl) is going to have an impact. That is something where you as a family need to keep the lines of communication open. Ultimately, the most important relationship to consider is the one between you and your husband. If another child is going to drive a wedge between you, what's that going to do to the other three, let alone the baby?

Don't know if this really helps or just raises additional questions, but it is good to look at things from all sides. Good luck.

Beck - posted on 04/09/2010

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Thanks, I got a test it was negative... it should be right by now.

I think it would be okay, I really want my own son and I dont think I can give that up

Cassie - posted on 04/07/2010

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I don't think another baby (especially a boy) would impact on your husbands relationship with his son, if it did it couldn't have been that strong to begin with. how old is your step son? You may find sitting down with him and talking about how he would feel with another brother or sister in the family, and reassuring him that his place in the family will never change. As long as the dynamic of the family doesn't change there is no reason why another baby would be anything other than a miracle!

Congratulations if you are pregnant again :)

Beck - posted on 04/07/2010

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I just had a thought this morning.... I think I might be pregnant. I'm really nervous now, cause I'm quite a bit overdue but I only just finished breatfeeding so I might just be settling in after that.

Beck - posted on 04/06/2010

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I am really just worried about what strain a second boy between my husband and I will put on his relationship with his son, my step son. Especially since boy no. 2 will be with us all the time and his son will only be 50% I'm really cut up and so confused by it

Shayna - posted on 04/06/2010

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You're in no way being selfish. Of course every mothers dream would be to have 1 of each sex. Some luck our and and others don't. If you can financially bring another child into the family, and you and your husband are on the same page then go for it. It's a 50\50 shot it is going to be a boy. If you get another girl then you should be thankful you have 4 healthy children in your family. They say 3 times the charm;)

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