How often does your partner have friends over?

K - posted on 04/22/2011 ( 19 moms have responded )

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Since we moved my partner has spent a lot of time out of town for work. It sucked, but we dealt with it. Now he's home it's taken some getting used to. He grew up in the area and so has reconnected with a lot of high school friends. One in particular comes over almost every single day. Now, this friend is a really nice guy - I like him a lot. He comes to help my partner out with renos and yard stuff and stays for dinner a lot. He's a total sweetie with the kids and can't stand to see the baby cry so he's always picking her up and carrying her around.
However.... the guys will play video games until 1030 a LOT of the time. I would like to have more "us" time - even if all that means is a movie in bed, or reading together or something lame and quiet like that. My partner is open to suggestions but I don't know what's fair? How often does your hubby/bf have friends over? Where do you draw the line? Do you have a time or just days??
I just want to get an idea of what's common out there.

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Shauna - posted on 09/20/2011

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everyday. Like today he left at 11 to see him and I left for uni. Then his friend showed up at 10 pm. He called me selfish and said we should live our lives separatly. He does not have to go out with me and my friends and I do not go out with him and his. He said I should be happy for the few hours that we spend together. Most of the time I leave for work at 10:30 and get back at 9:00. If not uni and when I get home there they are. Sometimes I am so tired being pregnant and anaemic I want to sleep.( It is a studio flat) If I have nothing to do the next day I suggest we do stuff together. Which means him waking at two in the afternoon, telling me lets watch a movie, then by 5 if they do not come over he goes to them, and does not come back until 2 in the morning. I told him today its over and now he is saying he is going to go back to his country as he has nothing to stay for. What about our baby? Do I continue this way or ruin her life by divorcing her dad?

Amber - posted on 04/22/2011

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I have more friends over than my SO because we live in my hometown. I try to have them over on nights that he works, which isn't an option for you since you stay home :) lol The things that keep us apart are work and studies.

As a general rule, Chad and I try to schedule one night a week that we have just us time. This time is spent doing something nice together just the two of us where we're engaged with each other. A game, a back massage, a bath, chatting about the news...something like that.

I find that it really helps that have that time to connect again. Other nights of the week we'll sometimes be in the same room alone together, but doing our own things or watching a movie.

Having that one night where we are the center of each other's attention really helps to feel loved and important. After that I'm not bothered if he's brought work home and doesn't have time or if I've got extra errands/housework/homework..whatever to do. It's the quality of that one night that makes quantity not matter.

I guess I would say try to start with something like this and see if it's enough. Then, if you need 2 days instead, you can let him know. I would approach it as a starting point with the option to renegotiate :)
Good luck to you.

Hannah - posted on 04/25/2011

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I know exactly how you feel! The issue for me is that its my home town, so a fair few were my friends but are now our friends or my brother and his mates...none of them have kids so they dont get that when its coming up bed time they need to leave. I hate trying to juggle them and our son, if i leave to put him in bed i can be gone anywhere from 30 mins to an hour!
my hubby is more social than I am so he keeps them entertained but once ive spent an hour trying to get our son to sleep i am tired or just grumpy, i dont want to be social by that point but i would love hubby to come give me a cuddle and tell me ive done a great job and everyone has gone home, not decide that everyone should stay over till midnight.
this is more of a weekend or friday night thing not every night but daniel gets up for work at 5:30am and comes home at 5:30pm so then its into the dinner prep time and bath time and no time for us. our son refuses to get into bed before 9 so by 10 im worn out and not feeling very social.

Shauna - posted on 09/20/2011

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I know it may sound selfish, but my partners friend comes here from monday to sunday. I just want a few days when I am not at uni or work where we can spend the day together just the two of us. We are expecting are first baby in six weeks so we should make the most of it. I do not know if its me being a drama queen but as soon as he has money he leaves me for his friends. What is worse is that the friend that keeps coming over has only known him for three months and gets more attention than me. I feel pretty lonely as I only see my friends once a week at the most. When I try to talk to him about it he does not understand and thinks waking up and going to sleep in the same house is spending time together. I am fed up and do not know what to do. Put up with it and feel miserable, lonely and used? or keep arguing trying to get him to understand what I am saying and feeling?

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Nataile - posted on 09/19/2013

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u are not alone. my boyfriend's "best guy friend" will just come to our place without a notice at around 7 then he will eat here, drink here in my room ( there is no living room). He wont leave until 1am...so I cant even sleep as they are in the room and I willbe sitting in the kitchen. this happens wednesday to saturday. For friday and sat, he will try his very best to have my boyfriend to go clubbing with him and not coming home until 4am or even 6am.

I mentioned this in front of them and that guy said: I dont even have time to see him, I am here only for few hours at night...I guess I will let go of the relationship and move out asap.

Stifler's - posted on 09/20/2011

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my husband works long hours. so he doesn't have friends over every night. we go out or have people over friday, saturday and sunday. everyone else we know likes to be at home on nights they are working.

[deleted account]

My husband's friend used to come over once a week on a Saturday or Sunday. Work has made it so he comes over less often, but it worked out really well. We would all watch a movie, tv show, or play videogames. I think because I'm more involved with everything I don't feel like I'm being ignored.

Miranda - posted on 04/25/2011

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My husband has a single guy friend that is our age. Both of them are into the game WoW. If I would allow it he would be here every day. Now he gets deployed every year for about 6-9 months and when he comes back he like to be low key and stay out of trouble, so we are his go to people. I treat him like a brother and feed him as often as he will eat the days he comes. When he first gets back he usually is here all week long, but he does pitch in and buys food once in awhile to give me a break. He is great with our kids and even comes to their bday parties when he is in town.

My husband works hard so I usually am okay with 2 nights no more than 3 nights a week. He needs to have fun too. If that means him playing with a friend at home and not out gallivanting around I am okay with that. We all eat dinner as a family unless it is pizza night. The guys play and I hang with the kids. Sometimes I leave the house by myself and he will pause his play time to put the kids to bed while I am gone to coffee with a friend. I think 2-3 days is fair. I enjoy my time with my husband and we try to watch tv or play a game with the kids. Then we take turns putting the kids to bed, then watch a movie, a tv show, some times we do a bible study together once a week till it is finished. It just depends on our moods. Also if I know if our friend is about to be deployed I allow him to be here almost every day the week before he has to go. It means alot to him since he has no family here and we never know when or if we will see him next. Try and make set days. For us it is usually T, Th after work, and Sat after 2pm. The rest of the days are mine. Now if i am not feeling up to stuff I will cancel or suggest other days. Like tonight he is coming over and I will get to just read my book.

Amanda - posted on 04/25/2011

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mine has a friend over daily, but he makes sure he knows when he's worn out his welcome

April - posted on 04/25/2011

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My husbands friends are over once a week sometimes more. I don't mind, they usually bring their girlfriends with them (who i'm good friends with) so it's no big deal for me. I like his friends, we always have fun when their over. My friends come over just as often. Never really had a problem.

Why don't you just tell your husband that you want some time with him just to be together and be all lovey-dovey. Even if it's twice a week. I'm sure he'll be fine with that. :)

Lori - posted on 04/25/2011

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My Fiance and I have friends over all the time as well and quite often they stay late too. We just make sure we have at LEAST one night a week where we are by ourselves, and don't have friends over so we can spend time just us. Having two kids and not often a babysitter, even some quality time together after the kids go to sleep is nice, and we just spend it together connecting. Just ask him for one night a week or two nights. That sounds fair to me, and I'm sure he'll agree :-)

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 04/24/2011

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Whatever makes you happy. Obveiously he needs his buddies and friends, but just start with 1 day a week that is 'all yours' and that he spends with just you. If it's not enough, try twice a week.

My boyfriends best friend moved back to town right before we had our son. It has been hectic and although my boyfriend wants to see him he also knows it has been really hard getting used to a newborn and me not having family around. I moved down to where he grew up and don't know anyone.

He skipped 2 big events for our family and then finally got to go this year. I try to get him out as much as possbile with street bike rides (thats his hobby) but I have muscle spasms really bad so it's been very hard to be able to watch our son on my own.

When they get together they like to play my boyfriends Xbox360. Some nights I'm like yeah, just watch the baby (our baby is really awesome, pretty low key) so he just makes sure he is fed and they all hang out and play games together in the livingroom. Some months are different. Sometimes if everything is going good for us at home I don't care how much he is gone so I try to ask him if he wants to go on any bike rides coming up and tell him he should have his friend over lol and then other months its dead quite around here, like this one. My boyfriends mom got sick, then our son, now I'm sick. A whole month of icky.

I'm glad your husband wants to work through it, that is good :) Good sign! Haha Good luck

Amy - posted on 04/23/2011

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This sounds familiar :) My hubby was popular in school and has also reconnected with aaaallll his friends! My dh is gone a lot though so when he is home on break I kind of let the friends always coming over slide off my back. There is always the small handful that stay until 2 am playing video games but they eventually tire out and leave us in peace. I always have him all to myself by morning.

DeAnn - posted on 04/23/2011

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I agree with one night a week. Call it Date Night but that doesn't mean you have to go out. Tell him you want one night a week that is just for the two of you that gives him 6 other nights to play games with his buddy. That is more than fair. Just keep in mind that your hubby is home and hanging out with a good person, when he could be doing the "guys night out" thing with God knows who and what influences around. My hubby is a gamer too, but he isn't social. I'm the one who is social and likes to have friends over or go to their house, and if my husband asked me for one night a week for some us time I wouldn't be mad and neither would my friends. Good luck. I hope it goes smoothly!

Michelle - posted on 04/22/2011

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Up until our third was born my husband was inviting his and/ or our friends over several times a week. I finally had to put my foot down because it was too hard on me and we never got any time together. He's out of town a lot for work and we don't get time with him sometimes. I'm the only one that does the cooking and cleaning as it is and he was bringing home more people (more mess) and leaving me to handle the kid issues while he hung out until 11 at night. I finally told him that if he wanted to have people over, he had to help clean etc. Mysteriously he hasn't had that many friends over since. I don't mind when friends come over and hang out at all. For me it's hard enough keeping up with the house and 3 kids without adding hostess duties to the list. Not to mention it's nice to occasionally spend time with my husband. I think hanging out with friends like we used to will have to wait until the kids are older.

Charlie - posted on 04/22/2011

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we both have friends over everyday they are always welcome ...love it !

Candi - posted on 04/22/2011

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friends? whats that? we are a military family and usually don't get close to too many people. We never have people over. Of course my husband works nights and after school I am running my kids all over creation, we just don't have time for hanging with friends. Thats fine with me though. I enjoy all of the family time I am getting

[deleted account]

We generally have friends over for weekend BBQs, but weeknights are usually reserved for us.

That said, we do have the occasional weekday company and follow these "rules"
If they come right after work to help hubby with something, they need to leave right after dinner, before J's bedtime so that we can have some family time.
If they come over later, fight with s/o or just wanting to talk, they need to come after J is already in bed.
Basically, no company from 7-8:30pm on weeknights--come early and leave by 7, or wait until 8:30 to arrive.

Medic - posted on 04/22/2011

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I am the opposite. My friends are always over and I have one that stays the night alot because she helps with the kids when we are both working and she goes to school with me. Usually we have one night a week where its just us which is usually his days off because when he is working he doesn't get home until after midnight.

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