how to deal with a childs temper

Missy - posted on 04/11/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )

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i am a stay at home mom and my husband works out of town alot, i have 2 kids both in school during the day. the problem i am having is i have rules here and they work really well for me and the kids but the minute daddy walks in the door those rules seem not to apply anymore and the kids go off. when i say no then my son throws a fit and makes me feel like the bad guy and of course daddy is the good guy. how do i deal with this do i just ignore the rules on the weekend or just keep being the bad guy while he gets to be the fun one all the time?

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Christine - posted on 04/16/2010

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Still 2 this day all my kids have 2 stand in the corner 4 a minute of thier age ( my 13yrold hates gettin in trouble) cos im so strict my 5yrold recentley got 5mins time out on a towel whilst we had an outing 2 the beach works 4 me & i was a single mum for 6 & a half yrs hope this help..

Michelle - posted on 04/15/2010

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Wow! This is sooooo MY story!! I have 3 kids, and most weeks my husband is out of town Monday-Thursday! We are also on a tight schedule during the week with school and sports, etc. When Daddy comes home it's candy & trips to McDonalds & Toys R Us, and late bedtimes...UGH!!! Drives me nuts! I finally blew up a few weeks ago and told him this is NOT working for me! We had a long discussion and things have gotten a bit better. I think they feel bad that they are gone so much, and when they are home they just want to spoil them rotten. I understand that, but they have to realize they are hurting, not helping the kids. I suggest you sit down with him after the kids are in bed and pour your heart out to him. As stay at home Moms, this is our job, and we take it as seriously as they do theirs. How would they like it if they had a project at work running smoothly and some punk came in and screwed everything up?? You have to put it in terms he can relate to. Good luck, Missy!!

Carmen - posted on 04/14/2010

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Have you both tried I statements? Both mum and dad need to be singing from the same hymm sheet. When the children mis behave and will not do as you ask then calmly say to them "I... would like you to do as I ask, because it upsets me. I... would like you to go and .... clean your room now please because that will make mummy feel pleased/ happier with you" It works trust me.
It can take up to two weeks to make a permanent change so bear with it and continue with I statements and you will see a change.

Crystal - posted on 04/14/2010

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I also stay at home with a husband that works out of town during the wk. I am more lenient than he is so we tend to run into a snag or two when he gets home. I have 3 kids- the oldest never really had tantrums. The middle one would bang his head on the floor, the wall, etc. I actually was so concerned that I consulted his Ped. over it. I was informed than when he realized it hurt, he'd quit. So, I ignored him when he threw his fits and it did indeed stop. My youngest however, she is a drama queen and diva...LOL It's hard to ignore her tantrums, so I have taken to picking her up, and putting her in the bedroom and she isnt allowed to come out until she calms down. The tantrums have certainly became less frequent now! When she starts one now, I just ask if she wants to go into the bedroom and it pretty much halts most of the time...LOL As for you being the bad guy...I cant help much on that one since I am the patsy pants here...LOL

Missy - posted on 04/14/2010

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we have talked about it and i see his point he is gone most of the week and only really has the weekends and he then feels quilty that he isn't here, so to make up for it he spoils them and does what ever they want which is good that he wants to do things with them. i don't think he actually gets how hard it is to deal with when he leaves, sometimes i wish that i worked and he stayed home just a day and see if things changes then.
i know that i have to be the bad guy cause someone has to always be consitant they say that is the most important thing right now for my son

Robin - posted on 04/13/2010

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I know how hard that can be. I have had my daughter in a military program where there were strick rules to follow. I did all I could to follow them which made it hard on ther children. However, when she would go to visit her dad ever other weekend he did not follow the rules. I to was at the point of saying... "why is it fair that I am always the bad guy" I kept being the bad guy though. I have come to the conclusion that it is in the best interest of her for me to be the bad guy. We have these rules to help her~ so if I dont help her then who will. Its very hard when you both are not on the same page. Have you talked to him about all this? Has others tried to talk to him?

Krystal - posted on 04/11/2010

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Daddy needs to be on the same page as mommy. If mommy says no..then it's no and vise verse. Then the kids will know what they can and can't get away with. You have to be consistent.

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