How to deal with step kids how to show that you genuinely love and care for them

Diestrovicky - posted on 09/24/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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If they show attitude and tells you that you are not there mom, i felt that I wasnt accepted

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Alison - posted on 09/26/2013

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I don't know how old they are, but my biological children (4 and 5) tell me they hate me fairly often. Try not to take it too personally; they're adjusting like you are, but they're kids so they're emotions aren't as controlled and they're more self-centered and not thinking as much about how other people feel. Just love and accept them unconditionally, take a non-judgemental interest in activities they like and take their feelings and boundaries into consideration. However unfair to you their feelings may be, all feelings are valid. You can still discipline if you have to like if you're in charge of them during the day, but make sure your husband and you are united and clear on the expectations of your role as step mom and how to approach things. You could also have a problem solving session about family rules and consequences. I read a scenario in a parenting book: you write down everyone's suggestions without judgement no matter how outlandish. Everyone discusses. You and your husband have the prerogative to throw a few out if they're illegal, hurtful, or unreasonable but take everyone's ideas into account and narrow the list down. Maybe they need more privacy or one-on-one attention from their dad or the chance to vent about you in a safe way--in a journal, on a paper written up and thrown in the fireplace, to your husband without you present without him feeling the need to defend you all the time. I had a friend whose father passed away. 6 years later her mom remarried and she hated it. She was a good kid and student, and he was a good man, but after six years without her father and someone trying to fill that roll--it's a big adjustment.

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