How to Handle an Extremely Rough In Law Situation??

[deleted account] ( 4 moms have responded )

I recently had a very serious falling out with my mother in law, husband & stepchild (about 2 wks ago). Now my father in law has been admitted to the hospital with congestive heart failure and my husband's mother is being warned that he may not leave. My father in law hasn't been told of his prognosis, and I wholeheartedly agree with this. There's no reason to cause him more emotional pain or discomfort than his condition has already caused. My question is simple.... Should the worst case scenario come to fruition, how do I bridge the gap between myself and my mother in law over the recent harsh words and obvious differences in fundamental belief? Neither of us is more or less at fault than the other, but my husband is her only child and this is going to have to be faced head-on in one way or another. Any suggestions?

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Sheree - posted on 01/29/2010

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My mother was in the same situation, unfortunately her FIL passed away, her MIL told her bluntly she wasn't allowed to go to the funeral under any circumstance, so my poor dad had to attend by himself without his wife's support. I hope you can work something out for your husbands sake. best of luck

Christy - posted on 01/28/2010

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Suck it up. I know easier said than done. Life is way too short to be at odds with those closest to you and your family (husband) Go visit FIL in the hosptial and have nothing but nice words to say, to him and your MIL. And make an attempt to resolve the issues with your MIL. Now isn't a good time now as FIL in in hospital, but whatever happens with him, you need to fix your relationship with her. Even if you feel you are right and she is wrong, you have to make it work, for the sake of you kids and husband. Good luck to you!

[deleted account]

Thanks, Jen. The last time my father in law was in the hospital I sent my MIL dinner and she looked at me like I'd grown another head.... And things weren't strained at that point! My husband's been up there all day; I wouldn't expect him to be anywhere else, although he did insist on attending the conference we had scheduled this am at the school. You're absolutely right, there is much more to the story, but that's not the issue at hand. Suffice it to say it's a difficult enough situation that presents the necessity to handle a time like this with kid gloves!

Jennifer - posted on 01/28/2010

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Hi Amber! I also have a rough in-law situation and I know there must be much more to your story than this (from personal experience: I know it's way complicated) and I can tell you this much: being on your husband's team is in everyone's best interest, so try to create some peace. As difficult as it is to put major differences aside, do it anyways. Maybe you could call her at the hospital and offer to bring her dinner? You don't need to be a "suck-up" but you DO need to be peaceful for now. Encourage him to visit his father frequently and try to be as supportive as you can. I always try to think about what it would be like in my husband's shoes and my attitude will change drastically. Please message me if you need to talk.

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