how to make the attitud stop!!

Fonda - posted on 02/19/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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my 12 year old girl has such an attitud and i need it to stop now iam so fed up with it. nothing has worked i have done everything from grounding her to taking away her cell phone. if you have answers please tell me

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Irene - posted on 02/19/2010

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why does she have the attitude? maybe she's going through something at school or with her friends that is stressing her out, or maybe you're not noticing what's going on at home that makes her irritable. maybe you can ask her if something's bothering her and that you'll be there for her if she needs someone to open up to.. sometimes it helps to know that your mother is the person who's gonna be there for you always.

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Jocelyn - posted on 02/20/2010

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i have no idea...but if you have any hints on how to make the attitudde stop with a 3 yr old i'd appreciate any ideas ;) more love is what my mom and dad did, but usually my problem was girls at school, not really my family.

Irene - posted on 02/19/2010

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@DeeDee, I don't think this technique is suitable for a mother as mothers should have the upper-hand.. they should have control of the situation and show that they are mature and reliable.. not stoop down to the same attitude and behaviour of a 12 year old

DeeDee - posted on 02/19/2010

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I saw it work on the tv series Supernanny (LOVE that show) & some other shows, & it might sound immature, but try reasoning with her, tell her its unfair the way she makes u feel when she talks to u like that when ur only trying to help & love her, ask her how she thinks it would feel if someone talked to her disrespectfully, point out whenever she is rude or gives u attitude & keep asking how it would feel if someone did it to her; if she still won't stop, start doing it back especially when they're asking u for something important to them. Agaian it sounds immature, but 9/10 after they get annoyed enough & don't want/like being ignored/being talked to that way again. This isn't for everyone but again - I've seen it work. Good luck! ^_^

Kathleen - posted on 02/19/2010

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She may be having hormonal issues. I gave my pre-teens permission to leave the room (calmly and without door slamming) when they felt the rage coming on that would prompt comments or actions almost unforgivable....This worked great for both girls. Prior to this suggestion they would suddenly boil over and at out at very inappropriate times and then later not know why they had done it. They learned to recognize the feeling so they could leave before the explosion.
Now if this is not your girls problem, all I can suggest is the following:
1. Choose your battles...is it really important for all her nails to be the same color..what will it hurt in the grand scheme if she looks silly to other adults...
2. Lay down ground rules and STICK to them. Consistency is really important. If you cave on the important stuff (no, you cannot have a boy in your room with the door closed...no you cannot go to a High School party...no you cannot date until you are 16...) you will have no control
3. Reward good behavior....extra treats, skip a chore, movie nght with mom/dad
4. TALK TO HER without judging. Yes, the problems of a 12-year old seem trivial to us but to them everything is HIGH DRAMA..END OF THE WORLD. Respect her feelings and try to listen and offer constructive ways she can solve her problems or learn to live with them. She may need to hear that sometimes "life is not fair" and we have to accept that and move on.
5. Remember that you love this person and that she deserves your understanding and respect just as YOU deserve her understanding and respect.
Good Luck!

Jules - posted on 02/19/2010

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I have attitude with my two kids at home, they don't like hearing the word No.... I've ended up confiscating other things they love for as time out. As I found nothing else was working either.
So, atm, until their little jobs are done and they learn to not run inside, there's no Wii games or dvd's.

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