How to stop the abuse?

Kristen - posted on 10/12/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My husband speaks to me like I am a child. He demands that I do this and do that. He says I am lazy and uses much nastier names for me. He says that I don't do anything all day and the house is a mess... when the dishes and counters are clean, clothes have been washed and blankets on couch have been folded. I don't sit down but maybe 5min a day. I make primitive decor out of my home to sell, I just started this buisness venture in hopes to make it a career in the far future and to save money so I could eventually excape... he yells at the top of his lungs at me & screams in my face so there is spit flying in my face. He throws things and occasionally will push me. Then he says he is sorry and things will be ok for a few days until he flips out again. I do my best to keep the house clean and dishes done so he won't yell at me and nothing I do is right. The cops have been called by neighbors on several occasions and I just don't know what to do anymore

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Ana - posted on 10/25/2015

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Sorry to hear this. I think you know exactly what you need to do.

Any woman being abused, on any level and there are many, needs to separate herself and her children from the abuser.

You need to see out shelter from your family, friends, or set up home someplace else.

Divorce can happen later.

And you need to be alive to file for one, so save your life and your psyche and get to some safety

The apology he gives is to keep you there, not to change his behavior. Please know the difference. If you can find a counseling service, they can help you understand that you are in a abusive relationship.

I pray you get out of that house with your kids safely.

Also, some abusers will try to hurt you if they know you are leaving. You may have to seek help in secret.

Only you know how crazy he really is... so be careful...

And once you get away..others will help you...you will not be alone. Just reach out just like you are doing now.

God bless

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Kristen - posted on 10/27/2015

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Thank you for your help and advice! I have reached out to the women's shelter here in town but I have not had the guts to go in and talk to them like they requested but I am getting there I think! I recently started working overnights this week at a new job and I am able to save some money to escape! Without him knowing I am doing it!
Working nights makes it easier at home cause we work opposite shifts so we hardly see each other! I have also started a journal of each time he becomes aggressive and use dates and such for record. I am hoping this will help in court for divorce and when he tries to take my kids from me. It's just so hard to try to pretend everything is ok when I know it's not. He acts like what he does disappears right after he does it and it don't it lingers in my head permanently. I don't know... thanks for listening!

Jodi - posted on 10/26/2015

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You stop the abuse by getting out of the situation. You shouldn't accept being treated like this. Ana's advice is spot on. Be strong - you are actually stronger than you realise.

Mo - posted on 10/13/2015

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I am so sorry. May I just say one thing....I pray you do not take it wrong....but, people will treat you the way you allow them. I have been there.....I said "ENOUGH". I invested in myself......education and growth empower you. When he saw he could not do what he was use to doing, and when I rejected and refused to permit him to treat me in the manner he use to....it was hard! He would tell me I changed.....but I knew he was seeing power within me. He only had two choices.....accept that he lost that type of negative power over me, and accept it.....or be angry of the change and move on. Well, we are still married, and things get better and better.......slowly, but definitely better. He is adjusting that he has to treat all people with respect....not just me. It takes time for this, it is a person having to accept that a part of them is not as great as they thought in their mind. Understand, standing up could mean the situation could get better or worse. Please do what is best for you, your environment, and safety. Good luck.

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