How will i know who is the telling the truth and how will i discipline my children?

Mia - posted on 10/13/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )

2

20

0

I have a problem with my 2 kids who are fond of teasing each other and fight all the time. I punish the person who starts the fight but then both of them pointing fingers so there are times that they both suffered the punishment...Most of the time i physically hurt my eldest because he's more naughty and aggressive but he used to ask me "why does i always punish him instead of her sister?" but even i explained it to him, still he feels that her youngest sister was my favorite child.What will i do, please need some advices.....

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Tessa - posted on 10/14/2009

27

19

6

Hi Mia, The 123 magic is a program from Dr Thoms Phelan. Basically it's a way of not getting into conflict with the kids. Anything you decide is unacceptable you can reinforce with this method. For example not stopping a behaviour you want them to stop. your ask them once to stop it. if they carry on you don't make anymore attempts at discussion you say "thats 1" if they still don't stop after a time limit that you think is appropriate, maybe 30secs or whatever you say "thats 2" another 30 secs later if still not ceased "thats 3" then implement the punishment, whatever that may be, time out, loss of object or earlier bedtime. That is the basic principle of the method, but if you google it you will find his website. there are also videos and dvds of this out there. good luck tess.

Toni - posted on 10/14/2009

37

17

10

I have the same problem with my youngest son and elder daughter, although he is older than she is by 5 yrs they argue like cat and dog, neither one will admit who caused it so both are punished equally by being sent to rooms to think about it and to have some down time away from one another, I did for a while do as you do and blame my son for being the eldest and knowing better, but after watching carefully for a while I noticed that she is far more likely to annoy him, then cry so he got punished. They do think about arguing now they both get punished regardless of who started it and fight much less. hope this helps

Anita - posted on 10/14/2009

349

40

37

when it comes to sibling rivary i believe that if u dont see who started the fight or caused the riff first then u should punish both kids at the same time...this means u tell them that, becos u dont know who is telling the truth and u didnt see who started it, both will be punished..this should put a stop to the bickering of who started it..and it would probably make them think twice about casuing trouble or fighting when both will get punished regardless...

i dotn believe that the eldest should be always punished becos he's the eldest and he should know better...50% of the time its the youngeest one that causes trouble becos they think and know they can get away with it...

Mandy - posted on 10/14/2009

574

18

105

when i was living with my sister and her 2 kids, as well as my son, they were aged 5yo boy, 5yo girl and 3yo boy. the older two would always point the finger to each other when something happened. we would sit them on the mat in front of us until we knew the truth. the person who lied got in more trouble and was made to appologise to the other for making them have timeout for nothing. they soon learnt that we would always get the truth out.

7 Comments

View replies by

Mia - posted on 10/14/2009

2

20

0

Thanks tessa,



Will you elaborate how you do the 123 magic...i think that's much better approach...

Tessa - posted on 10/14/2009

27

19

6

Hi Mia.

I have got 4 children and come across this myself sometimes. If no-one owns up then they all get the same punishment. However they know that i won't tolerate lies and that although they will be punished no matter what, the punishment will be less severe if they tell the truth. My 3rd child has got ADHD and was extremely aggressive at 1 point and yes i used to give him a smack when he was naughty, as i did with them all, the same way my mum did with me. Then i realised how can you teach a child not to be aggressive when you use physical punishment and haven't smacked any of them for years now. What i find works well with mine is they are given 3 chances, for any unacceptable behaviors using the 123 magic method. If i get to 3 then they lose 15 mins of their bedtime for each time i get to 3. They all hate that 1 even my 7 year old. Good luck.

Brandy - posted on 10/13/2009

1,353

0

157

My mom used to give both or all 3 of us time out if we couldn't get our story straight as to who was at fault. It stopped us from making false accusations and from tattling over every little thing. I don't think you should physically punish your son, especially if you don't actually know for sure that he was the one at fault. Don't mean to be rude, just my honest opinion.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms