Hows your sex life after having kids?

Natasha - posted on 07/06/2011 ( 35 moms have responded )

24

0

1

I'm just curious, bc mine seems to be slowly dwindling down to nothing and I'm trying but my bfs not very sexual anymore. So I'm like "just were parents doesn't mean we can't have a sex life". I was just curious to see if I'm the only one with this problem. (Oh yeah and before anyone says it no my bfs not one to cheat when we first met he was very shy and quiet lol)

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Angela - posted on 07/08/2011

44

14

7

I think that when kids are in the picture you have to work twice as hard to make your relationship work in every aspect, including sex. I know from experience how easy it is to just give up on it and just let it be, but honestly, you love this person, and just because your tired(you or him), it isnt fair to either of you to neglect your relationship...That can lead to bigger problems, like fighting and not having a connection anymore. You have to fight for your relationship once you have kids, especially younger ones. My fiancee and I both have to meet each other halfway. And sex doesnt happen like it used to where we are just instantly turned on by each other, but we work up to it, and foreplay is a necessity once youve been together for a long time, you need to still want and desire each other! Trust me, I know how you ladies are feeling that just dont feel like having sex with your men anymore, I have definately been there myself. But I really love my man and he is the greatest person and so I remind myself throughout the day of how much he does for me and helps me and what a great father he is to our 3 kids (a 4 year old, 1 year old and 1 month old!!) and you know what? That works! Reminding yourself of all the things you love about him will definately get you ready for the night...set you in the mood. Take the time when the kids are all asleep to cuddle and watch a sexy movie(I didnt say porn, thats NOT sexy to me lol) and give him a massage for a long time, and tell him all that you appreciate about him, remind him why you fell in love with him, whisper sweet stuff in his ear(this is to the women that their men are the slacking ones in this situation). If that doesnt work then I'd say there is something wrong with your man here, I'd say he needs to go see his doc about depression or what not. I really hope this helps. Just remember, you HAVE TO WORK at keeping your relationship new and alive, things dont fall into place as easily once you have kids to take care of all day, or work and then take care of them! I really hope this helps you all! Good luck!

Cindy - posted on 10/26/2016

24

0

3

My sex drive has dropped after having kids. And a lot of days your just simply tired by bedtime. My husband is a good guy and understanding about this. So I put in a good effort as well to meet him in the middle. I think it's important to keep some level of intimacy & sexual connection as best you can.
I want to keep my marriage a "marriage" not a couple roommates in the business of raising kids together. Now it's NO 50 shades of grey banging off the walls type thing. Lol I tend to opt for the Quickie quite a bit. I tell him, grab the lube get yourself ready and hop on. Haha. It takes the pressure off pretending to be into it, and it's Fast because he knows it's just for him. I'm not looking for him to "please me" those nights. Makes it easier to keep the frequency up.

Constance - posted on 07/08/2011

2,651

24

146

@ Angela I completely agree with you. Sex after kids does take work. The longer you are with someone it is easy to get into a everyday routine and you neglect each other. I have to have the foreplay and romance to be in the mood.

Some of my favorite things my husband does that slowly gets me where I am really ready even after a long stressful day or week. I when I am cooking dinner and he comes up behind me waps his arms around my waist and gently kisses my neck. He sends me cute cards in the mail telling me how much he still loves me. Every now and then I get flowers. Even him just getting a chick flick they he doesn't really want to watch but he does because he knows I want to see it. I return the the affection as well.

Sex after kids isn't just that physical relationship anymore. It is knowing that when you see each other, smell their colonge, seeing their cars and still getting those butterflies. Write an old fashion hand written note to each other and just put it where you know they will see it. That is how you keep the physical part of your relationship alive.

Stifler's - posted on 07/08/2011

15,141

154

604

My husband reckons he doesn't want it because I want it all the time and never stop nagging about it.

Stifler's - posted on 07/06/2011

15,141

154

604

We tried having sex on specified days of the week. It worked, well I got sex those 2 days. Then I got pregnant and we started fighting and not doing it but the sex 2 days of the week worked until I was pregnant.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

35 Comments

View replies by

Sknezevic506 - posted on 05/23/2017

11

0

0

Myotaut serum made my walls so tight and you can tell the difference. I had 3 kids and after a year of no sex I still felt loose ...myotaut serum tightened it up so well that I get compliments on how tight I am , omg how tight I feel ... I'm sooo happy 😊

Janessabardago - posted on 12/19/2016

1

0

0

i am really having a hard time making sure i get to take care of everything for my baby and be a good wife too. my sex drive has really dropped unlike before when we didn't have the baby yet. what am i going to do? we're already arguing about this every time he wanted to do it and i just don't feel like in the mood. ☹️ i feel sorry for my husband.

Dan - posted on 03/12/2015

1

0

0

Guy here...Reading some of these responses makes me really sad. I wish my wife was as willing to work on this as a lot of you are. We are down to once every 2 months if I'm lucky, and she's not even in to it. You have lucky men in your lives.

Lilliana - posted on 07/09/2011

214

11

23

It's hard really hard to go from mommy mode to wife mode, an hour before my husband gets home from work I turn some music on (Norah jones or Eva Cassidy), I let my son have a little tv time, I change into something I feel cute in and I cook for my family. By the time my love gets home I'm so happy to see him (and in the mood) I can barely keep my hands off him.

Natasha- have you talked to your boyfriend about it! He might think you don't want to have sex!

Annie - posted on 07/09/2011

208

58

3

What sex life? I have no libido anymore! I know everyone says that you have to find time to be a couple blah blah blah. I can't make myself want to have sex. I do it because he wants to, and I don't usually enjoy it! And yes our relationship is fine, I have never been a very sexual person. So no you aren't the only one.

Cara - posted on 07/09/2011

953

34

46

I guess I'm one of the lucky ones. The sex isn't as frequent as it was before kids when it was at least 1-2x everyday but it is still frequent. Even after having both of my girls my hubby doesn't seem to want it any less...nor do I really. I heard so many people tell me that it would become almost non existent after kids but for me that wasn't true.

Carmina - posted on 07/08/2011

205

0

21

im in the same boat, not much of a drive from him or myself for that matter. although i am pregnant for the second time, when im pregnant i seriously have 0 sex drive.. but before this pregnancy we still werent as active as before our son. we use to be rabbits i miss it lol! just cant bring myself back to that though? i feel guilty for it!

Kristina - posted on 07/08/2011

86

32

9

Emma I used to be that way. It was a couple times a day he would ask. I had a talk with him and let him know that he didnt even give me a chance to get into the mood for myself, even if i was almost there he would ask and poof it was gone for me. I don't know what it was but it did turn me off. I like what Angela said.

Stephanie - posted on 07/07/2011

26

0

2

Obviously you are not alone...which makes me feel better bc I was getting a little worried. My bf and I have an 8 month old and dwindling sex life. I even brought it up the other day and he just said "ok." ha what am I supposed to do with that.

Elfrieda - posted on 07/07/2011

2,620

0

462

He might be scared that you'll get pregnant again, and then he'll have even more responsibility to provide for you all. My husband tried to explain to me how terrifying that is after our son was born. Is he working extra hours and is just too tired? Maybe he's depressed. Men can get PPD, too. I don't know, but it's probably not that he doesn't find you sexy anymore, so try not to take it personally. :)

[deleted account]

It does seem odd for the man not to want sex. I don't always feel up to it (I'm in my first trimester with our third so feeling kind of crappy these days). But he is always game whenever. He's not gay is he? I don't know. It seems pretty strange for a man not to want sex. Good luck, I hope everything works out.

Kristina - posted on 07/07/2011

86

32

9

After I had my 1st my husband was lucky to get it once a month. I now have a 6 month old and this time around its better. I BF both of my children my 1st til he was 9 months and still with my 6 month old. I don’t know if it was that my hormones where not back to normal. After my son at 6 weeks they had to recute me and so we waited another 6 weeks then i had a leep procedure done and had to wait 6 more weeks. He hung with me even though he only got it maybe once a month for a few years. Now even if i don’t want to i let him have a quickie. I don’t mind now after this one to give in, even if it does nothing for me. That is one thing different then us and men is they get pleasured every time and i feel sometimes don’t understand that we don’t.

I have a friend that has a deal worked out that every 3rd night it is his choice what they do. And then it’s her turn to choose to do something or not. That way they each have a night to get what they want. They have 4 kids and this has worked for them for years. It sounds like it might work out for most of you to talk to your other half and make some kind of agreement like this.
A marriage is a two sided street, it took me a while to figure this out but we each have to give a little even if we don’t want to.
The best of luck to all of you!
God Bless!

Constance - posted on 07/07/2011

2,651

24

146

I guess My sex life is really abnormal. We have been tgether 17 yrs next month. Right now we live 14 hrs away from each other and we had a rocky pass few years but sex for the most part has always been on the menu. He was just here over the weekend and we hopped in the bed as often as possiable, the shower, washing machine, couch, and the hood of the car. We have 4 biological and 4 adopted. We both work long hours but we don't normally go more than a couple of days.

[deleted account]

Caroline- Thats how i feel too! I feel so bad for my husband but i just don't want too...and it seems like when we do it's just a quickie which isnt any fun for me, so whats the point??

Caroline - posted on 07/07/2011

32

62

4

must admit think ts just a stage we'll all go through..i found it hard to have a sex lfe with my fiancee (now my ex).. it seemed i lost all interest all i wanted was to be hugged and caressed and loved i used to get angry because i thought he lost interest as well! or just didnt know how to woo me into love making! and i also felt depressed now am single and looking a relationship but feel ive lost all interest in sex altogether!!

Natasha - posted on 07/07/2011

24

0

1

Richa and Lauren I would try talking to husband/ bf about how you feel maybe they need to hear how you feel so they can do something about it. =]

[deleted account]

I know that feeling accept we have a good couple of weeks and then we have dry spells. I feel like that since he saw me give birth that he is discusted and cant look at me the same cause he saw some thing come out you know what I mean. I also feel like so unatractive I am 150 pounds and didnt even weigh that when I was pregnant. I feel like a fat cow and he tells me that I am not fat but it would be nice if he followed it with your are beautiful just the way you are but he doenst do that any moer either since I had aliyah I dont know what to do about it either.

Michelle - posted on 07/06/2011

1,606

10

227

Hey I got 3 aged 3,2, and 7 months and my husband and I have a pretty good sex life. Maybe not as good as when we were first married but that has more to do with busy crazy lives. I think it helps a lot to have date nights once or twice a month. You have to spend a little time focusing on your relationship.

Richa - posted on 07/06/2011

1

0

0

yes ur right..i am facing the same problem ..but u know its going to be more bad..i m telling you..sumtimes i feel like he has no feelings for me.he doesnt care for me anymore.this is the price iam paying for giving him two beautiful babies.and yes iam trying very hard to look better..working out and everything..wat abt u?

Amie - posted on 07/06/2011

6,596

20

412

My husband was terrified of getting me pregnant again right away. Literally terrified, he doesn't do labour well. LOL Pregnancy either really.



Well ok **I** don't do either of those well but he suffers the consequences of that. Stupid men and their penises.



That could be his issue. He could just be tired. He could still be stressed about having a family. It could be any number of things.



The problem is trying to get them to talk about it. If we don't know, we can't do anything to help.



Our sex life did disappear right near the end of each pregnancy and for the 6 weeks afterwards but we got back into it fairly quick.



It did take awhile for it to work back up to the few times a week that we are at again though.

[deleted account]

Thanks Natasha! We just moved to a new state and have no family or friends to watch the kids. We do have a date night sat after kids go to bed...we stay up late and watch a movie or play a game. I feel so bad for my husband, he thinks i'm the most beautiful woman, i know i'm lucky, i just feel guilty! when we do have sex i just fake it anyway, I'm wondering if its just an age thing and it will pass? I hope so!

Natasha - posted on 07/06/2011

24

0

1

Tabatha I'm sorry to hear that...have you tried maybe having a babysitter take your kids for a day and try a date night or something? The babysitter would have the kids so your not as tired as usual and maybe getting wined and dined will make you feel beautiful! Pregnancy is a beautiful thing but I know I didn't feel to attractive either while I was pregnant just try to stay possitive =]

[deleted account]

My sex life has not been good for the past 1 1/2. Its not my husband its me, we have sex every 2 weeks. he tries everyday all day, but i just dont have any interest. We have 5 kids and one on the way. Im tired and do not feel attractive at all!

Natasha - posted on 07/06/2011

24

0

1

Yeah I've tried working out so I look and feel better and got all dressed up trying to look nice and stuff like that I'm pretty much about to give up...I mean I'm only gonna try and get let down so many times before I end up giving up...and plus men seem to pms more than us like my bc gets real shity and complains so I say what are you pmsing or something? Lol

Stifler's - posted on 07/06/2011

15,141

154

604

Yeah mine always says he's too tired and needs a holiday etc. I've tried getting him vitamins, making healthier food, horny goat weed tablets, trying to get him out exercising... MEN.

Natasha - posted on 07/06/2011

24

0

1

Yeah Emma that's the same with my bf if he's not at work he's here complaining that he's tired so I say then go to bed geez lol

Stifler's - posted on 07/06/2011

15,141

154

604

Um I hear ya. My husband has been accused by people on here of cheating too when I say he doesn't want to have sex a lot anymore haha but he doesn't have time to cheat on me and he still doesn't want to do it as much as before. I think while the kids are little things are crazy but when they get older things might be more fun and we'll all have more time to have sex.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms