hubby always at work, I feel like a single mom

Becky - posted on 04/24/2010 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I constantly am having the same frustrations toward my husband, he is a handy man and our family of 6 really needs all the extra cash we can get so I babysit during the week as well as stay at home with 2 of our 4 kids. As soon as the kids are off to school he is gone and he works until sometimes 10 at night hauling or picking up scrap metal or fixing tow trucks. I am always alone with our kids and when I tell him I have things to do like take kids to baseball instead of calling potential jobs for him he says its not as important, im so frustrated and need advice, how do I deal with being a single, married mom? am i being selfish? he works hard and never takes any money for himself it all goes to bills and the kids' needs and I have no doubts of him not loving me, AHH! What do I do?

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You do have a lot to deal with on your own, but try not to blame him, you got in this together and you can work together through it. When you need to talk to him about your frustrations, don't yell or attack, take the emotions out of it and just calmly talk. If he isn't around long enough to talk before bed, then write letters, and he can write back. Although that will be tuff for him to sit down and write when he has so many other things he can be doing. But explain to him that your marrage needs his handy work too, not just the income. That if you don't work on things, you will set yourselves up for a lot of heart ache and disaster. It may be that he sit down and write you while he takes his luch break in the day ect, but he has to find some time for you and the marrage. You both need to work on the connection between you so that you don't feel so alone. And just think of the hot lovers you could be when you do come in contact without kids. But do that you have to be connected or you both would just rather get some sleep. Find little ways to help each other and get the kids to pitch in too when they can. I always taught my kids and the kids I baby sat to clean up after themselves and certainly never leave clothes on the floor ect. I would start those rules at 3 yrs old and they could do them just fine. I see it as teaching them to respect the things we work so hard to give them, they must take care of those things and in turn help take care of our sanity in the long run. I don't think you are being selfish, but you are past a breaking point and don't have any where to go. So take a few steps back, be calm and let him know what you are going through, help him see what you are doing and dealing with. And in turn listen to his side and see what he is doing and going through, even the parts he may not like so much that ball games mean more to you than jobs (not dissing you there, just stateing how he sees it). And then in turn you can explain that side of your story, but you both need to find middle ground here. And then with agreements in place and all the kids helping in what ever way they can, you can begin to spend a little more time on yourselves. He isn't going to be home more, not unless you can cut expenses from the budget or agree to just live on less, so you need to connect with him in what ever way you can and keep that going.

Annemaree - posted on 04/24/2010

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becky i feel the same my husband works 5 days a week long hrs on his days off he dosnt want to have to look after the kids while i go out i actually think that is selfish ,,, we have them 24-7 get up to them off a nite up early in morning somtimes i think going to work would be alot easier than staying home n running the house n looking n entertaining the littlies, no u are not being selfish just talk to him tell him its too mch for u n that u need a break for urself just once a week for even 2-4 hrs to run do errands or catch up for coffee with a friend ..... at the end of the day u need u time .

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