Husband always going out with friends

Jeni - posted on 11/18/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I am at my wits end with my husband. He is a 32 year old man and so immature! He gets frustrated with our 10 month old daughter and cannot stand her crying. I cannot even trust him to look after her for 1 day. She is 10 months and he STILL doesn't know how to make her formula!! I do EVERYTHING myself....housework, looking after the pets, feeding at taking care of baby. (He works full-time) He never helps, except for the occasional diaper change.



He has been going out with friends more and more and last night, he didn't even come home. I am sitting here at 11am and still no show or phone call telling me where he is. He is doing this alot lately. He has responsibilities as a father and to his family but I guess he knows I will just do it so he takes advantage of that. I never get a break or time to myself. I love my daughter SOOO much and it saddens me that her father seems to care more about going out and drinking with friends than being a dad to her! Its like he is acting as if he is a teen without a care in the world! Whatever he is doing is more important than his wife, daughter, home and pets. He doesn't even have the consideration to call.

We have gotten into fights about this before and I stress that he has to call, but he never does. I know he will come home and apologize and make excuses and say sorry and be extra nice, but I know he's not sorry because he has NO respect for anybody but himself.



This cannot continue much longer. But I don't know what to do! I want the best for my daughter and she is number one and should be to him too, but obviously she isn't...... Has anyone else had this problem? How did you deal with it??

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D. - posted on 11/18/2012

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I agree with making time for date night.



I know that it is frustrating, that you are exhausted, that you feel like he takes full advantage of you. I have been there. I have cried so much over it. With date night being the first thing you do (and you may have to get creative), the next is to try and empathize with him. Now, I know this is THE LAST THING you want to do, but I have learned that if you want him to gain understanding of your frustrations, you will need to approach him from a place of understanding.



I can tell you that my husband's number one complaint about me is that I sometimes make him feel like all he is to me is a paycheck. To avoid this, I need to: 1. Regularly have time alone with him and 2. Make the home a place where he wants to come. Show him by my actions that he is so much more than a paycheck.



His number one stress about the family is that he is the only source of income. He loses his job, and we stand to lose a lot. This means if I do what needs to be done around the house, then his stress reduces. My family's needs and yours may be different.



When you figure those two big things, good men will want to know your two things. From there, you can set out to plan your couple time and compromise on the "me" time.



Try not to address all issues at once. Leave the small stuff alone until you are on better footing.



Good luck to you.

Heidi - posted on 11/18/2012

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I had this problem when my daughter was first born, she's now five and I must say I'm glad I stuck it out. It got really bad there in the beginning, your post touched home because I remember being at home alone with my daughter while my boyfriend went out, and no matter how many times i called, he wouldn't answer. I finally got so upset that I pulled our baby out at two am and drove to this persons house, turns out he was next door, and in the basement no less, but no one would want to go get him. Finally he came out and insisted that I show everyone the baby, I freaked out, and put her carseat down in the grass and told him to feed her her, bath her, and put her back to bed... he got the hint and I followed him home where he went to bed and of course apologized in the morning. I can't really offer you any advice, as I was at my wits end, we broke up, got back together, I stayed at my moms at one point in time, and somehow, just like that-he stopped going out so much. Granted, he's 32 as well, works full time and thinks he deserves a night out to himself more than I, which is where we butt heads alot, being that i stay home and do EVERYTHING and I take our daughter EVERYWHERE with me, but im "not allowed" to go out by myself... whatever, that's just a war not won between us. I wish you luck, and I will pray that he realizes what he's doing to his family and stops all the partying. I guess if I had to give advice I would say try to make time for you and him to spend time together, I rarely got a babysitter but when i did my boyfriend and I would basically stay home and get drunk together, on rare occasions we stopped at the bar for a few drinks and something to eat, but we had fun... and when our daughter came home the next day he kept proclaiming how much he missed her and how drinking wasn't worth not seeing her, blah blah blah... I dunno, like I said my battle is still raging on, but we handle it. I'm here if you ever want to message me, i really do understand what you're going through

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