Husband and I fight over who came up with an idea or did something in the past?

Sara - posted on 02/25/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )




Here is an example.

During renovations I stippled the ceiling in our entire house. 6 Months later he was talking to these people and he said he remembered how hard it was etc etc but he never did it! So I called him on it, but the worst part is, he's not doing it to be a jerk. He 100% believes he did it and he gets really perplexed as to why we have different memories of this event.

Another time.

I brought up an Ok to wake alarm clock idea for our toddler to stay in her room. 6 months later he said "No I told you after talking with my friend about the issues we were having"

So now it comes down to. I believe I told him, he believes he told me. Or things like that. These are silly little issues and it is things we cannot prove because it's in the past. We have attempted to "agree to diasgree" but it's not working. Whenever these issues arise we have a very big fight. It's frustrating.

Now you are only hearing my side but his side will sound much the same. We've talked about this with each other. We believe our realities are the truth and the others is false.

Anybody else battle with this? We are hardheaded... but both of us have never had troubles admitting when we are wrong or sorry


Jodi - posted on 02/25/2013




You both need to ask yourselves why it really matters to you so much. I mean, does it really matter whose idea it was? It's not like it is going to make a difference to the end result. Why does it matter so much that you have fights over it? It's almost like it is some sort of competition, and a relationship is for team players. Once you can understand why it matters so much, you might actually get to the real issue.


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Sal - posted on 03/03/2013




I like to use the royal "we" we were renovating the house and decided to stipple the roof.....we bought a new car (i dont work so hubby really bought it but i choose the because it really isn;t important who actually carried out the task often just that it was done...mind you i did get the shits when i weeded the garden bed, i spent days collecting sheep poo and spreading it, put netting guards around the beds, went to the nusery and bought the seedlings, and the next day hubby took the kids out and planted them and said he'd been gardening with the girls!!!! 3 days i did the hard work during the week, 10 mins on the weekend and they stole the good job!

Sally - posted on 03/02/2013




If it matters that much to both of you, start writing it down when it happens. Keep a notebook an every time either of you makes a decision or has an idea, write it down. Then when you both don't remember, you can go look it up.

Sara - posted on 02/25/2013




Thanks for the reply. We have great communication after and we have talked about that and how it shouldn't matter, but we still fight over it. Today we had a good talk though, lately we've being fighting "dirty" saying mean things (not excessively and no name calling but things we know will hurt) so we are regrouping and hopefully we stop losing our cool over that silly little stuff.

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