husband gets up early and wakes the house

Tasha - posted on 07/26/2011 ( 19 moms have responded )

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Does this happen to anyone else? Its almost as though my husband goes out of his way to be loud in the morning as to wake the baby so i have to get up too. Maybe he doesnt try to be loud but he sure doesnt try to be quite, hes up around 515 and leaves around 6, if the baby doesnt wake while hes getting ready he slams the door on his way out to ensure the baby wakes, normally the baby will sleep till 730 or so. This seems to have started in the last two months, after him throwing a fit at me about how i dont do anything around the house, apparently taking care of our son and getting as much housework done as i can is doing nothing. So does you spouse feel if hes getting up you should too, for all of you who have husbands that are up early of course?

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Karen - posted on 12/02/2014

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All of this behaviour is classic passive aggressive. Weak, immature men who have been catered to by their domineering mothers and ineffectual fathers....all creates ineffectual boys and the cycle continues. No empathy, insecure, users who take and take and objectify and use their spouses. They can't come close to your abilities, are envious and seek to distroy you. Crazy making...don't take it... Call it as it is, get counselling, set some rules, don't model this sick pattern for your kids, and move on or redefine your relationship.

Constance - posted on 07/26/2011

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My husband use to do this years ago. He worked evenings and e could get home anywhere between 11pm and 3am just depended. He would come in being really loud slamming the doors, cabinets, and anything else that would mke a loud bang. After talking about it that he kept wakng the kids and he didn't change his behaviors. He would sleep through the day. So I paid him back. I blasted the stereo, and t.v.,played the screaming game with the kids. You know the one yo ask questions and they get to scream the answers. Slamming everything I could slam. He came out of the bedroom and said I am trying to seep I have to work tonight. Oh sorry sweetie I will be more quiet. He go back to bed and we would continue making noise. After about a week he finaly ble up causehe was tired and adn't slept. I loked at him I said you like to sleep rght well so do I. Shut the F-up when ou come home at night or you won't get sleep either. After that you wouln't hear anything he was quiet as a mouse.

Kim - posted on 07/26/2011

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Do you get up with the baby during the night? I'd make sure to wake him up when you do and make a lot of noise until you are back in bed. If you can't sleep longer in the AM then he can't sleep at night while you are up. And I'd pick a weekend day and for some reason be gone all day, let him see what it is like to try to get things done with a baby, or if you can't do that then write down everything you do and the times and ask him where you can fit any thing else in! My husband would not dare say anything about how the house looks, its his house too and if he doesn't like how it looks well he can get his butt in gear and clean it up!!

Brianna - posted on 08/02/2011

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my hubby did that to... sometimes on purpose and sometimes by "accident" (not trying very hard to be quiet) i started playing music in my daughters room all night long and it seemed to get her used to the noise so now she doesnt wake up to his noise

Jennifer - posted on 07/26/2011

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Mine tried to tell me at one point that I should get up in the morning to make him breakfast. He gets up around 3am and leaves at 3:30! Of course he is in bed by 7:30pm and gets a full night's sleep, while I'm up til 10 or so, by the time I get the kids to bed, get bottles washed, dishes put in the dishwasher, my shower, and supper put away. I also get up with the baby every night (he has never gotten up in the middle of the night with any of the kids). I don't think he ever purposely tries to wake anyone up, but he sure doesn't try to keep quiet. He has 2 alarms that are set at the loudest setting possible, and he hits the snooze button at least 3 times every morning, and sometimes more (up to 15times once). Then, it's nothing but noise til he leaves. Thank goodness, all the kids have learned to sleep through it, or go back to sleep on their own after he leaves.

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Ashley - posted on 03/06/2018

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my husband doesn't get up early for work anymore but he was always the quiet one, when i had the job the was a little earlier than his he was always getting onto me for not being quieter.
i think this is just based on how we were raised. i was raised in a loud house, my dad woke up around 5:00-6:00 out of habit and my mom around 7:00-8:00 and they would get their coffee, my dad has a smokers cough, they'd talk and slam doors, it was never common courtesy in my house to be a mouse if someone was sleeping.
my husband is the OPPOSITE for sure. if my toddler son it taking a nap he almost scolds me for trying to talk to him, like my voice is too loud, i can't flush the toilet or do the dishes, the house HAS to be asleep if anyone in the house is asleep (not that i allow this nonsense;) ) and ugh if my son is falling asleep in the car he turns the radio off, closes the windows, turns the air down to nothing, and makes me stop talking. its miserable!!
i grew up with me and my siblings falling asleep on a noisy skii boat while ACDC was blasting if we wanted a nap!! i think he's nuts...
bottom line i think its just the way y'all were raises and y'all have to come to some common ground, he probably thinks your just as rude as you do him, getting onto him for making noise to get up and "provide for his family, make money" thats what my husband always says, and he complains about my dirty house too, thats just him displacing his stresses about his own work but i do try harder to keep my end of the deal, the SAHM mom stuff top notch

Catherine - posted on 02/25/2018

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Exactly the same with us for years. It has gotten better, but I have experiienced that if he is narcissistic it wont change much unless he fears losing you. And even then once he feels he has gotten you back he will do it again. It’s crazy and infuriating. But it is something you can make it through with help. Karen is right. It is typical dysfunctional behavior caused by these types of careless people and hopefully you can get a strong therapist to help him to understand he cannot do this to you and keep you. If he will not go, then try to go to a different bedroom and tell him you will not accept this ridiculous disrespect for you.

Vickyaway - posted on 12/23/2014

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I'm not a parent nor have a husband, But its currently 5:44 in the morning and I'm pissed. I'm a college student and when i come home from college for breaks I stay with my day. Sometimes i feel like hes is purposely trying to wake me up at 5 o'clock in the morning before he goes to work. He will turn the TV all the way up, continue to come in and out of the room to get clothes out of the dresser. He will stand in the closet that attaches the room i sleep in to the bathroom and leave the light on which shines in the window through the closet door and he will just stand there and burp or pass gas really loud and it sounds like he is just standing there in the closet with the light on waiting to see if the light will wake me u and if not he will make some loud noise to ensure I'm waking up. I think he is passive aggressive that I'm am living at his place for the short break.

Lisa - posted on 08/02/2011

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Mine knows better than to tick me off in the morning since I'm not a good morning person. He also realizes that he doesn't need as much sleep as the rest of the world. However, he does have his alarm set to go off at three different times and sometimes forgets to shut them off before he leaves.
I think I would ask him what he "wants" you to accomplish during the day. Is there something being not done that's important to him? I think that staying home is not only about taking care of the children, it's about making sure everyone's life is a little easier. Might be a little old fashioned of me but it makes the household happy.
Remind him too that while you do get to sleep in later than him, you are up later than him. If he makes a fuss about it then tell him that you'd be happy to get up with him in the morning but he needs to stay up and help you get the kids to bed at night. Explain to him what you do accomplish during the day and the activities you’ve done with the kids that day. Also let him know if one has been “clingy.” Like right now my 6 month old wants to be on me ALL THE TIME.
Also remind him that while he does go to bed earlier than you, you do have enough respect for him to be quieter during this time and that you’d appreciate the same amount of respect.

Stifler's - posted on 07/31/2011

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YES. He turns on lights and coughs up phlegm, flushes the toilet, slams the door, the kids stir, I get annoyed when he pokes me to tell me he loves me and where is his work singlets/some other thing which is probably in the washing basket in the dining room. And people think it's weird that I shut my kid's bedroom doors well if their husband got up at 430 they would too!

Tracie - posted on 07/30/2011

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Does he realize that babies require sleep for health and growth? Waking the baby up too early for extended periods can/will have a negative impact on his long term growth. Your husband needs a day with the baby and list of errands so he can see how badly you both need those extra hours of sleep.

Tasha - posted on 07/28/2011

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Kelly and Constance, id have no problem getting up with my husband but theres no point, he makes a tortilla with PB for breakfast and makes his lunch, ive offerd to get up and make both for him and he says no, i believe he doesnt like the way i do it, fine. And really its not me its my son, i dont want to move his bedtime up so that he can get the hours of sleep he needs. It really comes down to common courtisy and respect, if it was the other way i can say that i would try to be reasonable with the noise. And Jonie, id love to try the day and night away but i live a state away from my family and live in a very small town with really no close friends, ive got a couple friends but they have busy lives and small houses where my staying would be unreasonable. And i dont want to be away from my family, although a break sometimes would be nice, i just want my husband to respect and appreciate what i do, id hope he not dull enough thay i have to leave to do it! And as far as the housework, my husband would do it all because hed leave the baby fussing for as long as it took, i do it when hes napping or content playing. If hes fussy i play, feed, etc.. untill hes happy, my husband will leave him in his swing, playpen, crib unhappy so he can do chores, i tink its mean, so he assumes i should do the same. My goal is a happy healthy, safe family, his is a spotless house.

Jonie Lynn - posted on 07/26/2011

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I think that the best thing to try here would be switching roles for 1 day and 1 night. Maybe you can take the whole Saturday as a rest day and stay at a girl friend's or at a family member's. Give him a list of what he needs to do for the whole time you are away and tell him those things are what you do on a daily basis. I'm sure he won't be able to get to the bottom of the list (probably not even halfway) without losing his wits and calling you back home. Make a condition that he can only call you if it's an emergency or something like that. This way he can bond with your kid and experience that staying at home is a full time job in itself and think twice about saying you're not doing anything just because you're staying at home. He probably gets breaks during work while being an SAHM there are no real breaks. Just my thoughts. I don't exactly have a husband, but I can remember the feeling when I used to work shifts and my boyfriend would resent that I would be staying in bed while he would need to go to work. I work at home now and have my mom to help me take care of my son while I'm at the computer.

Constance - posted on 07/26/2011

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Kelly I am the same way. I have never minded getting up with him and I still do. No he is only working during the day so I make his breakfast and lunch or he won't. But being loud to make the kids wake up too. It won't happen in my house cause he desn't have to deal with them being in a bad mood because they didn't get enough to sleep.

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I get up with my husband, I always have. That said, he doesn't have to get up until almost 6am. Our son no longer wakes much at night, but when he did, I still got up with him, I just napped during the day when he napped to catch up.

I can't finish everything I need to do everyday if I sleep past 6am, plus, my husband would destroy the kitchen if he had to cook his own breakfast....or he'd go without it, which is just not a good idea. It's just easier to get up and cook it for him because if he cooks his own, I'd have to clean the kitchen first, then cook breakfast for me & J.

Tasha - posted on 07/26/2011

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Kim, my son sleeps through the night 95% of the time, and my husband sleeps like the dead so even if i have to get up, he doesnt wake, if the babys screaming he'll wake for a moment and go right back to sleep, something i cannot do. And the writing things down thing, well heres what ive tried, we have a white board on the fridge, and after an argument about how i do nothing i wrote out my huge list of everything i did for a week and he said nothing. And ill make a list for myself for the next day of stuff i want to get done outside the regular, and he'll add shit too it! He did this last night and i wanted to slap him silly. My son is almost 7 months old and im new to being a SAHM, ive never been a super clean freak, and id rather have a happy son than a spotless house, my husband would rather have a clean house than a happy family, at least thats how he acts. Im considering going out of state to my families and taking the dog and our son, let him be alone and see if its better.

Tasha - posted on 07/26/2011

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Its nice to know im not the only one, im sorry any of us have to go through this, why are men such babies? I thought i married a man and gave birth to a baby. Ive wanted to bring this up, but ive found i just let out a few words in the morning like, really? do you have to do that? He doesnt respond, and i just havnt found a good way to bring it up. I guess i know itll open up a whole can of shit, seems we cant just keep it to one subject and solve it. Thanks ladies

Amber - posted on 07/26/2011

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My husband definitely resents the fact that I get to sleep longer then he does. He gets up at 4:30 and leaves the house by 5:15. The children are normally up between 6:30 and 7. On saturday he gets up later and almost every week he wakes the baby up. Boys tend to be lighter sleepers then girls and that definitely holds true for my son. I get the guilt trip from my husband quite often that he is at work all day and I am home doing "nothing" or out burning unnecessary gas. It can be very frustrating. The best thing you can do is talk to your husband about it and see if there is a compromise you can come to.

Teresa - posted on 07/26/2011

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Been there done that. I hate it too. Nothing like a little passive aggressiveness in the morning.

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