Husband hates daughter?!? Please help!!

Kate - posted on 11/23/2010 ( 49 moms have responded )

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My Husband and i have been married for almost 4 years now he has a little boy 5 yrs with his ex wife that recently gained full custody and we dont get to see him anymore. and together we have a little girl that is almost 2. When i met my husband he had his boy about all the time his ex didnt really want much to do with him, and he was a great dad always interacting with him being there he was a wonderful father. Then i came into the picture and his ex i guess felt like i was becoming the "mother" to her son so she wanted to be apart of his life so we split the time with her and things were fine. Time went on I ended up getting pregnant and the battle began she wanted full custody and didnt want us in there sons life at all. the battle went on for about a year and a half which put a big struggle on our relationship when our daughter was about 6 months old we lost the custody battle and only got to seem him once every two weeks and to top it off she moved 8 hrs away so it made it even harder for us to see him, Long story short. He use to be pretty good with our little girl he struggled and would always say that he just doesnt know how to " connect with her" he would play cars with his son and she likes playing the dolls. But it just keeps getting worse and worse he doesnt help out with her at all he blames me that i have such bad parenting and she is a horrible child that doesnt listen yet he doesnt help. And then even more he started saying things like maybe we could put her up for adoption or she could go live with your mother. i dont know what to do i feel like were not good enough for him. I get that he lost his son and is struggling to connect with her but does he have to say things like this. somtimes he makes it sound like he is joking and other times he seems seriouse, he knows it hurts when he says that but he still does! Can anyone help or give any advice!?!? PLEASE!!!!

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Christi - posted on 11/23/2010

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Wow, if my husband ever started acting that way towards our son, I would be packed and out the door before he caught wind of anything. Just because you lost custody of one child shouldn't mean you abondon the other. If anything, he should be even more grateful for the one he has!! Make he go to counceling but get the hell outta there. That poor girl is going to hate herself because her daddy hates her and that's not fair, get her into counceling too.

Heather - posted on 11/23/2010

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Wow, Kate. I can't imagine how hard this is for you. My main suggestion would be that you NEED to seek couples/family counseling. This issue is too big for you to deal w/on your own if your husband is closing off that much. Talk to him about seeing someone together- and if he won't go- still go by yourself for awhile so you can get some tips from a professional about how to proceed.
Best of luck to you, Kate. Sending well wishes your way!!

Wendy - posted on 11/26/2010

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I read some of the responses here and got frustrated so I decided to write one for you. I would never suggest a divorce or anything to further upset your family's life. First off - your husband is internalizing a lot of stuff and it is up to you to be patient with him and REALLY LISTEN. Listen even when he isn't saying anything. Take in his body language and learn your man inside and out. You will both be grateful. Truth is - he is most likely afraid of the pattern repeating and losing another child so his subconscious is telling him to distance himself. I highly doubt he does not love her as much but there is a very strong connection between most men and their sons. That is natural - and beautiful. He's hurting and when a man hurts, it comes out as harsh anger sometimes. Don't combat his pain (which you perceive as frustration and anger) with more anger. It will tear you all apart. This may be an unpopular view, but I would embrace my husband more than ever if I were you. He needs to trust you enough to understand what is really going on inside. He will tell you WAY MORE than he would a counselor. If he knows that you will love him and respect him even though he is hurting and scared (about the possible threat of losing a child) he will turn around. I guarantee it! He doesn't really want to "get rid of" your daughter - what he is saying is that he wants to love her and relate to her but after bonding with his son only to have him ripped away, he feels defeated. When a man feels defeated his primal core is damaged and it is up to the woman who loves and honors him to help him through it. Don't give up on him!!! He will be a great dad again if you approach him directly, but lovingly. Talk to him not just as his wife, but truly his other half. If that half understands the other, he will feel whole enough to trust and love again.

Carisa - posted on 11/26/2010

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Is it possible your husband is suffering from depression? Your family has been through such a traumatic experience, I think it would be helpful to talk to someone. I doubt his reaction has anything to do with your daughter at tall, it is just a reaction to losing his son. If possible, I would have him talk to a therapist or find a support group for dads who have lost custody...there are people out there who can help you and your family.

Luvenia - posted on 11/23/2010

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Well, with or without him you are still the parent that has the stronger influence on the child. There are too many single mothers out there taking car of it all. So you can do it regardless of if your husband chooses to miss out on all the joy it is in having a little girl or boy. Focus more on why or if your child is acting out because she may feel your husbands vibe towards her. Show him how much of a happy loss he will incur by distancing himself from such a god sent blessing and if he truly loves his new or second family, he'll come around and if he does not, you should ask yourself if you feel your daughter deserves to be treated that way.

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Melissa - posted on 11/30/2010

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Im sorry for you and your daughter.He obveously has some issues in the loss of his son.But you both have a little girl now that he could be with and develop a relationship with.Im know expert but I can see that his behavier twards your daughter is quite conserning and kind of controlling.I guess my question to you would be what are you prepard to do about it.Your daughter needs to know she is loved unconditional and he is not showing it by saying things like that.He either needs to step up and be a man and exept her or he needs to leave.You are your daughters voise and how does it show her she is worthy of love if you alow him to belittle her now. He needs to come to terms with his stuff weather its guilt for loosing his son and other things from the past so he can get on track with his life now.In the mean time you cant fix that for him he has to see it first to help himself.But you do have controle over how he is with his daughter now and if he keeps saying crap like that you need to remove your self from that poison.Your the mom and you have to be strong for her.It up to you either stay were its toxic for her or go and make a better life for you and her,at lease till he gets his priorities straight.And if he desides to come back in to your lives make sure you see the changes and that he is showing her the love she deserves.

Tiffany - posted on 11/29/2010

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I can't imagine how hard this is for you. He needs some serious therapy. The most important thing is your child's happiness, and pretty soon (if not already) she is going to realize he doesn't like her. The best thing you can do is get him to agree to go to therapy, and if not then I would seriously think about moving out. You and your daughters happiness is so important, and him acting this way is horrid. Losing his son has to be hard, but he shouldn't take it out on his daughter. If he is suggesting that you give her up for adoption, there's something wrong there. I would talk to him about therapy...solo sessions and couples sessions. Good Luck to you!

Tara - posted on 11/29/2010

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I agree with Heather... seek counseling together and seperate. Sounds like he needs to sort out his feelings and get things in order. I am sure he feels guilty... I would! Much luck!!

Heather - posted on 11/29/2010

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Kate- I am so glad that you are not willing to give up on your marriage! So often in this world, divorce is the quick and easy answer. I applaud you for your effort to find another way! So often problems CAN be worked out with some effort on both parts. Your daughter knows that you love her, and I'm sure that your husband DOES love her, he's just struggling right now and is acting out of that struggle. Communication and good listening are key, and I really do think that professional help can facilitate that process so nicely- a person w/an objective point of view and a fresh perspective can offer so much. Will be praying for you!

Mrs. - posted on 11/28/2010

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I normally wouldn't repeat others advice. I just am a bit astounded at the amount of people who are carelessly suggesting you leave your husband before you even attempt to get help. Sounds like your husband is grieving, he doesn't want to get close to your daughter, maybe even you. If it happened once, it could happen again, right? Men are different beasts, they really do have a caveman voice inside that says they must provide and be the man...no matter how enlightened they are. When that falls apart depression is often not the far away. Therapy, a minister, anyone qualified might help. No one can decide but you after that if you'd like to end the relationship. It doesn't sound like you do, it just sounds like he's hit a real rough patch. If it means anything, having my own problems with post part. depression, I can tell you his pushing you guys away and saying things like we should give her up for adoption probably has more to do with his feelings about himself being a failure as a father than you guys being a failure as a family. Having been in that dark place before, these thoughts are not uncommon. Get some help, even if he won't at first, if you're doing it, he'll probably follow.

[deleted account]

Hey! I am so sorry you have to go threw this! Its so sad to see men not being able to be close with there daughters! I was a daddys girl and I love that bond that I had! And now that I have a daughter she is very close with her daddy also. Her daddy is just about as manly as they come. I mean even though he is very handsome he aint no pretty boy at heart, he could care less if he needs to take a shower. He does work like welding, mechanics, construction....I mean just as manly as they come lol. My point is even though he is this way he STILL knows how to color pictures of frogs and butterflies with our daughter. And also just because my child is a girl doesnt mean she has to play with dolls with him. My daughter also LOVES cars just like her daddy. She also likes to help him when he is working on a car. She loves screw drivers and tools... When my daughter wants to play dolls with her daddy I just tell her "I dont think daddy wants to play with dolls he is a boy!" And she just laughs and says okay! He will play with cars with her and color and read. I mean there are lots of activities that dont have to be girlie. Just teach your daughter what boys like to do and what girls like to do. Just explain that things daddy would like to do with you is throw around a ball at the park, play with cool looking hot wheels and she can have a pink car and he can have a black car! or they could color together, draw pictures, watch cartoons together like tom and jerry or spongebob.
About the acting up....I know that my daughters daddy gets very irritated when she doesnt listen, doesnt mean he doesnt love her but its definitely something men dont handle very well. Just do some research on how to discipline your kids right, figure out what your doing wrong. I know its not what moms want to here but a kid that acts up is either the parents fault for not disciplining right or its a mental/social problem (like adhd, add, or anything else) So chances are its probably just because you arent disciplining right. Just be consistent, when you say no you HAVE to mean it! Start another post about specific problems she is having and you can get lots of help that way!
For your husbands sake...He needs a counselor for his self to get over the loss of his son. AND you guys also need to go to some family or marriage counseling. He needs to work on his self first and then you need to work on the both of you. Dont be afraid of some counseling. I think counseling is a good thing even for a happy marriage. You can always use good advice even in the good times. Because its not always going to be good....and remember that its not always going to be bad either...
GOOD LUCK! and dont give up! a lil girl needs her daddy!

Katina - posted on 11/28/2010

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Ruth - posted on 11/28/2010

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First of all can I ask how old is your daughter? has she started to talk yet? for a father the first time he hears his little girl call him daddy can be a life changing experience, also try to remind your husband that little girls can play with cars too, if she has dolls and likes them how about getting a couple of cars that the dolls can sit in and then they can both mutually enjoy the experience. Your husband seems to be suffering from the loss of his son and its understandable so try talking to him about it and maybe try to work something out with the boys mother where you can possibly all get together and talk and possibly have some bonding time. but in all of this remember that a child picks up on things that are said and feeling of the people around them and for little girls feelings are a big part of there lives and there self esteem can suffer even when they are young so while trying to work things out with your husband remember to reinforce your love and pride in your little girl tell her often that you love her and are proud of her make a big thing of even the smallest achievements to reinforce this and if you and your husband do eventually split remember to enforce that it wasnt her fault and that you love her more and more each day. good luck i hope it all works out for you.

Ellen - posted on 11/28/2010

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wow! i cant even begin to understand how heartbraking this must be for you, the best thing to do would be to talk to him and explain how you feel when he says those things about your daughter, reasure him that you know he must be hurting over his son but remind him that she is his daughter too!and she needs him just as much!maybe he needs to talk to someone about his feelings and your starting might break the ice! the fact is that something needs to be done because it will break your daughters heart if she hears her daddy saying these things about her........

[deleted account]

Exactly! thats what i was saying. exactly exactly. i was sayin for her to remove her daughter and herself from that and decide how long shes gonna wait for a change to happen cuz obviously she wouldnt be askin if she wasnt hesitant to do something kno wat i mean??

Meghan - posted on 11/27/2010

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He may be depressed and obviously needs help, but you need to protect HER from the situation. Why not take some time apart while you work on whatever it is that you need to work on so she remains OUT of the situation as much as possible?

Meghan - posted on 11/27/2010

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I wouldn't even ask how long you are going to let it go on. For the sake of your daughter you need to put your foot down NOW. Just because she's young doesn't mean she doesn't know that her father doesn't like her. As far as she's concerned, that means there is something wrong with her, b/c children inherently know that they are part of that person. You are hurting her by keeping her around him behaving this way. it should be UNACCEPTABLE for her sake at the very least.

[deleted account]

Sorry another thing i cant say how i would handle the situation if i lost custody of a child and maybe he is just handeling it incorrectly however if u have already tried talking tried figuring out how it is that u can help or what he need to get thru the grieving process and still does not want help or doesnt communicate then u need to decide how long ur gonna wait for him to accept it and then continue on with his life and be as great of a dad as he was to his son to his daughter. cuz in the end its really like i said doing the most damamge to her. so how long will u wait? how long will continue accepting the way he is treating her. cuz the longer u let him behave that way the more he is seeing that he can. in the end he is still the adult and therefor should be acting accordaling. It up to you to decide what kind of family you want to have.

[deleted account]

omg i read this and could not believe it !!! idk if its just cuz im young but seriously i would not put up with that! your children always come first! ALWAYS!! and one child is not more important than the other. I agree with several ladies just bcuz he "lost" one does not mean he needs to be ugly to the other u would think he would be doing everything for her since thats his only girl and bcuz he can actually be there.for real i would be so outta there no way am i gonna let someone treat my daughter like that or even "joke" like that!!! especially her FATHER. how can he even say ADOPTION!! she's already big too i mean thats just unbelievable to me. and he's doing serious damage to her she can feel it babies arent absent minded and its just gonna get worse as she gets older. get out of there if anything for the sake of your child. Seriously i couldnt hang around seeing the one that i love hating so much on the precious blessing that we made together. I am a person that does not believe in divorce or giving up however i think you guys need to seperate so that u can get your daughter out of that environment and surround her with all the love that she deserves and then you and him need to talk, go to counseling, do something so that you can kno what the next step needs to be. But do not do that in front of your daughter. You dont want her to even be in the house as ur arguing with him to love his daughter i mean thats just so ugly. U gotta stop and think if he is not gonna change then does your daughter deserve the life that will be played out if u keep him in her life?? I mean its not gonna be easy cuz u love him thats her dad he's the one who blessed u with a child and yall have been thru so much together. Its always easier said than done but u need to be strong for her and u need to start doing something now cuz it will only get worse. I am so sorry that this is happening to u this shouldnt even be an issue good luck with everything im sure u will make the right decsion

[deleted account]

get rid of him thats not a way any parent should be with their child sorry but if that was me my daughter would be first and away with me i would nt want my child growen up feeling unwanted and neglected bye their fathers love my man has a daughter who her mother stoped him from seeing not his fault but exwifes and we have two kids together its made him more loving to my two as he lost a daughter but still loves them all the same as their his own flesh in blood its not your daughters fault he lost his boy your daughter never asked to be carated or born so he should stop taking it out on that inisent child but i wouldnt be with him he would have been out the door a long time ago dont take your proplems out on a child hope your okay

Karlie - posted on 11/26/2010

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if it was me in that situation i would leave right away. he obviously doesnt care about you or your daughter and you would be better off without him. im sorry but saying that kind of stuff about your child is never funny even if he does mean it "as a joke"

Kate - posted on 11/26/2010

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Again thank you everyone for your advice and thoughts about the situation! But just to clear up alitte about us loosing custody It was a long process she tricked us and manipulated us into letting him spend more time with her and then she moved with him and would just force us not to see him so by the time it went to court and we had a custody evaluator she had told them all that we had agreed with everything when acorrding to her and us we just wanted there boy to spend more time with his mom cause he had not seen her in a while but to the court she told them that we didnt want him around, so that was a very tough situation we thought we were just helping her out and giving them more time to spend together when she really had it all planed out to get full custody! So it was a tricky situation and i knew and know everything that went on through the evaluation it was never due to the fact that he was or is a bad father! But thank you everyone for everything i get where most are comming from and know you are just trying to help!

Wendy Baldric I do have to say to you that when i read your post i started tearing up! This touched me and actually made me see more to his side of what could be going on! It truly did touch me and help me understand more! I thank you so much!

Meghan - posted on 11/26/2010

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and he doesn't need to understand her to connect with her...all he has to do is spend time with her doing what SHE likes to do... My father did anything I wanted with me. He was a boy too...and he played with my dolls and stuffed toys etc with me b/c that's what I wanted. bonding is simply spending time. I think he's just coming up with an excuse so he doesn't have to face what his real problem is, whatever that may be.

Meghan - posted on 11/26/2010

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I wouldn't stand for this in any way...at all! My fiance has 2 kids from a previous marriage. Technically they have joint custody of the kids, but they live over 12 hours away so we never get to see them. I have 2 from a previous marriage and one together with my fiance. My oldest two are not his "responsibility" so to speak, but he steps in all the time. He went through a rough patch where he didn't get to see his other two kids for a year (money issues) and he had a hard time stepping in and interacting and helping me out with all 3 of my kids. we discussed it and it turned out he felt horribly guilty that he could spend so much time with these 3 and was unable to spend time with his other 2 (it made it worse that his ex was telling his kids that they'd been replaced by my kids...NOT TRUE AT ALL). As long as we're open and actually talk about these things, all he has to do is tell me that he's feeling guilty on any particular day and I know to cut him some slack, because I understand. you guys need to sit down and have a talk. He needs to figure out what's really getting him all upset. and he needs to tell you what it is. And you need to tell him that even though he's going through a lot, it is NOT ok to take it out on you or HIS daughter. especially her, she did NOTHING wrong!!! And honestly, If he was such a good dad to begin with and he started out having custody, i'd be really interested, if I were you, to figure out why he doesn't still have custody NOW. most courts will not change something unless there is a BIG problem with the situation. If he had custody, and was an amazing father and the mother just didn't care for a LONG time...there is NO reason why he shouldn't have won custody.... and maybe there's more to the story than you know...I'd have a LONG talk with him about ALL of these issues, if I were you.

Renae - posted on 11/26/2010

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Kate I haven't read all of the responses, but it sounds to me like your husband is quite depressed over loosing custody of his son. Comments about your shared daughter going to live with someone else are not normal behaviour. Of course I am jumping ahead without knowing or speaking to him... but I would suggest that he has not handled the grieving process well over not seeing his son and is perhaps stuck in a stage of grief that is causing him to behave this way. I really do hope you can get him to counselling with you. But even if he wont go, you should still go as the counsellor will probably be able to help you understand what is going on with your husband and give you some strategies to deal with the situation. Best of luck :)

Nayuribe - posted on 11/26/2010

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how miserable must he feel due to the loss of his son?! i can only imagine! i can understand that he is upset. however, this does not give him the right to treat his own daughter like that, a "rejected" child WILL become a troubled teen, i know that first hand!! i know what it's like to want your parent to love you, to show it somehow, and yet all you get is rejection... NO CHILD DESERVES THAT!!! and he wonders why she is acting out? all she wants is his love!!! i am sorry, but my suggestion is: first, get your daughter out of that environment; second, if he wants u girls back, he has to work at it, get some counseling together, include your daughter if needed. he needs to understand how he is making her feel, she may be young, but she has feelings and thoughts and ideas of her own, if you leave all those rejection feelings unattended, she, and you as well, will have bigger fish to fry. don't mean to scare you, but that WILL happen if you don't give it the attention it merits. GOOD LUCK!!!

Kylie - posted on 11/26/2010

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Sorry Kate, but I have to say this. That little girl of your's deserves so much better than a father who hates her or doesn't want her because something he couldn't control uplifted his precious life. It's obvious he hasn't ONCE thought of what his actions are doing to himself, you and that poor daughter you both created. If I were in your shoes, seriously, I would be out of there so quick he wouldn't even see the back of me because I'd be moving to fast. You and your daughter DON'T DESERVE to be treated that way. Look at it this way, what would your husband do if the role's were reversed? A lost man can take a long time to change. A lost man may also never changed, regardless of the happenings in his life. Fight fire with fire or be the better person and extinguish the flame before it gets out of control. The only one's getting hurt here are yourself and that precious, irreplacable little girl you've got. Think of her when you're deciding and you'll find your answer alot quicker...
Good luck and may god give you the strength and courage to do what you must...

Nazia - posted on 11/26/2010

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there will be something to connect them believe me... u need to work hard on this.. if doll is not working try to create interest for car... as ur daughter might adapt to the change but it will be difficult for ur husband to change... try things what ur husband like to do with ur daughter see her reaction if it matches with ur husband tell him she is like u in this matter be it food habit be it talking or anything... by doing this u might be able connect them.... all the best....

Nelly - posted on 11/26/2010

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Carisa, you are probably correct, but you should never take it out on an inocent child, yes he should seek help any loss of any kind is tragig.

Nelly - posted on 11/26/2010

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Why get married, if you promise tell death do us part, you better know that person inside and out, and background,

Lindie - posted on 11/26/2010

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Sorry, I assumed you tried the counsellor. Thry that first and if he does not change...let him go. I was married and had a little girl...then devorced...then got re-married....I know all about issues like this

Lindie - posted on 11/26/2010

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My honest opinion.......(and I have been through a devorce and remarried a guy with my daughter from my previous marraige) IF he is nasty to your child...tell him to go. Your child will be scared for life. It is not fair on her. As a parent and mother, it is YOUR DUTY to protect your children. He is not worth it.

Nelly - posted on 11/25/2010

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Its not normal for a dad to dislike his daughter, usually, they become daddy's girl, as it should be, she did not ask to be a girl, so enjoy her, its not her fault, they all need love

[deleted account]

Kate.....I think your husband needs to go live with his mother so that HE can grow up a little more. I would be telling him straight that HE would be going before my child! Of all the ridiculous thing to suggest. And you might want to inform him that children will do anything to get your attention.....and if they can't get it in a positive way....then they'll get it the negative way. makes no difference to them. So he is actually the one most likely creating the difficulty - not you. The first part of your daughter's life was obviously a very stressful time for you guys......and he wonders why she might have some bad behaviour? Since 1 women already left him....makes me wonder....why? And I'm also curious, if his ex originally abandoned their son basically.....how on earth did she win FULL custody again when he had been the primary parent and according to you, doing it very well? Perhaps I could see joint custody......but to completely deny your husband? methinks there may be more to the story....???

Amanda - posted on 11/25/2010

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Oh boy that's tough. If you love him, then try to work it out. He obviously needs help. To suggest giving up his daughter? Maybe you should threaten to give HIM up! Good luck. You sound like a good mommy and I'm sure you'll do what's best for you girl, and yourself.

Lydia - posted on 11/25/2010

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It sounds like he is mad because he lost costudy of his son when your daughter was on the way. Maybe confront him with this and see his reaction. Make it clear to him that he can not blame you or your daughter for loosing custody over his son and than tell him that he needs to change his attitude towards her or he'll loose another child!

Ambyr - posted on 11/24/2010

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Well it kinda sounds like he is almost blamming your daughter for having his son takin away because you said she just decided to try to get custody of him when you got pregnant? I would definalty try to talk it out with him but sorry to say if he doesnt quit he needs to go. Being a dad is fine but there is no point in him being around if he is going to be mean.I wish you and your little girl luck hun.

Kate - posted on 11/24/2010

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Thank you everyone for your advice! I wouldnt say she has behaviour issues she is just VERY VERY independent she wants to do everthing herself, She usually is pretty good but at times gets really whiney, and doesnt like to listen! She does alot better when she goes to a play group but we just moved so i have been trything to find her some play friends! I dont think its a refelction of my husband to her and dont get me wrong sometimes things seem good between them she will give him hugs and kisses and he will let her but when she starts getting whiny and not listening thats when he starts with the whole send her off! And gets REALLY annoyed with her! But thank you everyone for your advice I dont like the idea of divorce and think things can always be worked out i just havent been sure how to go about it and dont want to come off to him that im comparing her to his son and how he treated him with her cause ihave dont that alot not meaning to sometimes And other times just so fusterating that thats what i feel that it just slips out and i hurt his feelings! but i am going to talk about the counseling and see what he thinks im just not sure how to address it But Thank you everyone so much!!

Heather - posted on 11/24/2010

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It looks like you've gotten some really good advice from others. Counselling is a good idea. It's hard to tell from your post but is your daughter having behaviour issues or is it just that your husband thinks she has behaviour issues? If she is having issues, it could very easily be a reaction to your husband's attitude and actions. Children are very sensitive and they can pick up on things that we tend to miss. If she is picking up on your husband's "vibe" towards her she wouldn't know how to handle it since she is only 2 yrs old. Her behaviour is simply her way of dealing with a problem she doesn't know how to deal with because she is simply too young. HUGS and best wishes that this can all be worked out.

Amanda - posted on 11/24/2010

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Oh man that's horrible! :( I would have to agree with Heather and seek counseling. That might be the only light at the end of the tunnel. He may want to seek counseling for himeself as well, for the loss of his son in a way. It sounds like he is having a hard time coping with this, and yes boys and dads have a lot in common, but he really needs to spend time with his daughter and get to know her! He might be surprised on what they have in common!!! :) Good luck and best wishes!

Aleigha - posted on 11/24/2010

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If I was in your shoes I would get a divorce and put my daughter first. I cannot believe that that man said that about his own flesh and blood! You sound like a really good person and you should not have to put up with that. You can't make him love her. If you stay the little girl will have emotional problems bc she will feel rejected. Best luck to you.

I think that's the most sound advice I've read. I went through this with my ex only my son was from my ex before him and he had a daughter. My son was with my bf for two years and the guy treated him like crap. The last straw was when something happened that I had never expected bc he had never been violent before...he threw a book at my son when he was two years old and it cut his face. My son is five and still has a scar.

Lacye - posted on 11/23/2010

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I agree with Heather. Go get some help. If talking to him hasn't been working, you have to find something that will. It is unacceptable for him to act this way towards his own daughter. My heart goes out to you because I just can't imagine it. I hope everything works out and keep us posted on what's going on!

Shari - posted on 11/23/2010

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I'm not a professional, but a coach...my suggestion is this:

In dealing with your husband try to
Listen when you want to speak
Give when you want to take
Wait when you want to rush ahead
Stay when you want to leave

Love is messy, you need to express and feel the pain in front of each other. Then, come up with the answers together. Talk about how you feel with him, how his actions have made you "feel". Feelings can not be disputed. Think about what might help each of you feel better, or at least be OK with the things that you can't change. Then, together come up with a solution about the things that you CAN do or that you can change. I can't stress enough the importance of talking it out and working together. They are both so very important. Consider that you have the rest of your lives together, and the sooner you find a way to work things out, the longer your life together will be wonderful. Trust in each other, even when you feel you've been given a reason not to trust. (((HUGS))) My thoughts and prayers are with you.

If you would like to talk more, I can seldom find these questions again...not very computer saavy, unfortunately, so you can email me at peacelovinlight@live.com if you like. Best Wishes! Shari

Kate - posted on 11/23/2010

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Thank you so much i am going to do that and hopefully he will come with me! Again thank you so much!!

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Kate, the only advice I have to offer is to agree with Heather and suggest that you seek help from some kind of counselor or therapist. Hopefully your husband will go with you because he definitely needs some help dealing with this. My heart goes out to you girl and I'll keep you in my thoughts.

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