Husband Help

[deleted account] ( 13 moms have responded )

Ok, I'm in my last trimester (30wks) and a lot of times I don't feel like having sex because I be tired or I just don't feel like being touched... weird I know. We have a 17mo old, and I'm a sahm so I cook and clean, etc. How do I tell him I don't wanna have sex, some days I do but after a day or two he starts to grope and stuff and it annoys me so I just go ahead and do it so he'll be satisfied for a while... What do I do?

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Shirley - posted on 09/22/2009

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I have 4 kids. The most recent addition is our 2 month old daughter. We have 3 boys, ages 6,5 and 2. Needless to say, I am ALWAYS exhausted. Always. I never feel like having sex. And I do mean, never. My husband is a man. He needs sex. It is not an emotional thing with a man. It is purely physical. He doesn't understand being too tired to do it. He doesn't understand not being in the mood. He doesn't understand why we can't just close the bedroom door and have a "quickie" with 3 boys going about their business on the other side of the door. I do get really irritated with the constant groping. And I hate it that he sometimes acts like a sullen little boy when I refuse to have sex.
All that said, he has his needs too. I love him and I want to meet those needs. I don't want to have sex anywhere near as much as he does...but it is just as unfair for me to constantly say no as it is for him to constantly expect it.
In a perfect world our desire for sex would match our husbands' and we would always be in the mood at the same time. But we live here on earth and sometimes we have to sacrifice. Put your husband before yourself. Have sex with him when he wants it. I'm not saying that you should lay down and do it on demand. But say yes more often than you say no...even when you don't feel like it. It isn't like they are asking us to go out and wax their car. They are asking for sex. We like sex, don't we?

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Lorena - posted on 09/25/2009

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Have him carry one of those fake bellies, then let him do what you do in a day. Maybe he`ll change his mind of putting that pressure on you!!!! He has got to, learn how to be more considerate of you!!!!

Christina - posted on 09/22/2009

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I have the same problem but not as often now as before. I was the one that didn't want the sex and he was the one that always wanted it. As far as the groping is concerned, i had a problem with it, that was until he saw our little boy acting in the same manner as him. He thought it was funny at first, that was until our son started grabbing me on my butt and trying to grab my boobs. Now as long as the kids are around i don't have a problem with it. Tell your husband that your child is watching him and will eventually copy what he does and think that it is right to do. That he needs to set an example to them. Just like kids pick up language they also pick up pyshical actions too. As far as the sex is concerned, telling him no sometimes works, but not all the time. If at any point that you may want to have sex, tell him that you want to have sex, even if it is in the middle of the night of while they are tired or doing something. Eventually they will get the point and lay off when you say no to them.

Tiffannie - posted on 09/22/2009

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Maybe have him do some of the house work, clean up after dinner, put your little one to bed, and give you a chance to relax seeing him helping out might put you in a better mood, tell him it goes both ways if he wants you to help him you need him to help you...

Gabrielle - posted on 09/21/2009

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Just explain to him that you love him but that your homones are in control of your body right now and you don't feel up to it! If need be, google it and let him read about it so he doesn't think you're just making excuses. I know how you feel - but men just don't understand pregnancy all the way!

Janette - posted on 09/20/2009

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OMG! I feel you! Men just don't understand. Sometimes I feel like he thinks that because I stay home and don't contribute to income, that my job easier. Well I am pregnant and take care of a 2 year old so I am exhausted! I just don't have the energy and being that he doesn't understand it makes it harder for me to want to do it, even if just to please him. Somwtimes it ends up being me saying no just because he pissed me off! You are not alone at all, and unfortunately I don't feel they will ever get it. Good luck to you though!!!

[deleted account]

Thanks for all the advice and encouragement. We watch porn sometimes but until we move (at the end of Oct) it really won't help since we stay in a studio and yeah no where to put the learning everything that's been seen and said baby.

Karrie - posted on 09/20/2009

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Me to, I am not pregnant anymore (2 years now) and I still hate it. I stay at home and care for the kids, it is mentally and physically tiring. I don't give in, what about my needs to? I never get any kind of attention until he wants some. It makes me feel used.

Amanda - posted on 09/20/2009

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I went through this with my husband. I just started telling him to go help himself, LOL. I am in the minority with my friends, but when I was prego porn was my best friend. I would tell my husband to go look at that and leave me alone.

Belinda - posted on 09/20/2009

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yeah, i know what about the "grope"ing...they don't understand that you have been with a toddler who pulls & climbs you like a tree all day. Sometimes you just dont want to be touched, or at they could i duuno put a little more tlc in the foreplay to make you want to do it! After a long toddler day (plus ur being preggie) you don't have anything left to hand out sometimes...and that should be OKAY. You can try to explain it to him like that..but guys, do they ever really 'GET' it?

Michele - posted on 09/19/2009

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Oh Kris, I hope it helps just knowing you are not alone, a lot of women feel this way, even if they don't talk about it. Sometimes husbands just don't understand how physically taxing it is to be a SAHM and pregnant-you are GROWING a baby for crying out loud! and taking care of a 17 month old. I would try talking to him very specifically how you feel, and let him know this will not last forever. (my husband always appreciates it when tell him details b/c he says he didn't know) You will get through this!!

[deleted account]

I think when you tell a man no, they only think it pertains to that specific time. that being said, I have the same problem, only I'm not pregnant: just a SAHM of a 1 1/2 yr. old. I used to just give in, so I didn't have to deal with the attitude, but .lately, I've been "sticking to my guns." If he has an attitude, so can I! I think a man and woman should meet one another half way- and agree on an amount. Anyway, I don't think your strange at all. I think many women feel "this" way. It's just somewhat of a taboo subject. Men also use sex in order to help them wind down. Us poor women just want to sit dwn and read a book, or something. I hope you can compromise in the matter. If SO refuses to do so, say no when you want to and mean it! Good luck to you and your family/ childbirth.

Nicole - posted on 09/19/2009

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well first of all its not weird.. its actually quite normal.. but you should just be honest with him and tell him your not in the mood or that youve had a hard day or whatever the case and he should understand.. guys dont get that way they are always up for sex b/c they dont need to be in a metal state like we do.. maybe if he took the 1 1/2 yr old for a few hours so you can have some time to yourself maybe you can try on those outfits u have in the closet and be able to shave ur legs and all that so you can feel sexy when he gets home and who knows it might be the best lovemakin' youve had in a long time ;) hope i helpped :)

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