Husband is no help

Drlaylarose - posted on 09/22/2019 ( 1 mom has responded )




So, I went from being the breadwinner, working 70 hours a week, while my husband worked 3 days a week. The house was always a mess, piles of dishes & laundry. I spent the day off I had every week, cleaning the house. I decided around the time that my son was 8mo old, I wanted to stay home with him. I was missing too much. So, my husband still works 3 days a week, but he's also running his own side business, so he tends to work 7 days a week. I love that he works so hard to support the family, making it possible for me to stay at home with his daughter & our son. However, he does absolutely nothing when he gets home. He sits down at the table, waits for me to put his plate in front of him, eats, leaves his dirty dishes on the table, then sits down in the chair in front of the tv. He doesnt help clean up. Every now & then, he cooks, but guess what?! He leaves all the dishes on the table. He doesnt give the baby a bath. He doesnt help with his daughter's homework unless I send her to him because I'm too busy. He doesnt do laundry or help pick up the house. I've talked to him over & over & over. He helps for a couple days & then he's right back to the way it was. Even when he doesnt have extra work and he's home all the time, he does nothing unless I tell him to. I encouraged his daughter to start riding the bus this year & he was mad because I'm home every day, so why can't I pick her up and drop her off? I'm losing all motivation to do anything because I feel like I'm all alone in everything. I feel like I am not a person, more like an employee. My laundry is piling up, dishes are piling up, toys are all over the house. I'm so tired. I'm so terribly overwhelmed. I'm so miserable. But, I'm so tired of having the same conversation with him over & over. What do I do? I used to be so happy & so engaged & my house was spotless. I get it that my house will never be spotless again, with having a toddler. But is it so much to ask to have someone else besides me pick up the empty juice boxes or the random pieces of paper on the floor, instead of just stepping over it? Or grab an armful of clothes & put it in the washing machine? Or put clean clothes away? My stepdaughter is 8 & she puts her clothes away. My 2 year old son helps me put his clothes away. My husband's clothes are still sitting folded up in his laundry basket. I refuse to put his clothes away.
I just do know what to do. I can't keep having the same conversation over & over. Every day, I feel more & more alone. I feel like he doesnt feel like he has to do anything because he works & pays the bills. I haven't been out of the house to do anything besides go to the store & to school functions at my step daughter's school. I miss my friends. I miss my family. I miss my life. But I dont want to start working again. I want to stay with my son. I feel like I'm being ungrateful. But I'm getting depressed. & so lonely.


Jessica - posted on 09/27/2019




Wow. so sorry for your situation.

I'm not a stay at home mom. But I am a single (divorced) working mom of 3 teens. I can tell you it is very hard work to try to keep it all together. It sounds like your husband is just another kid you are picking up after and that's not good.

My house isn't spotless.

My kids all have chores they need to complete and help out around the house. when I get home, I am still picking up after them, getting dinner ready, etc. but it is NOT easy by any means. Usually dinner is something quick and easy but its a meal we all have together.

Once my oldest stopped doing his chores around the house so I stopped doing things for him. He didn't get to borrow any money, I didn't do any of his laundry (I would just take his clothes out of the piles with the rest of them and let them be what they were). Eventually he got tired of not having clean clothes and started doing them himself and started doing his chores again.

Maybe you should let your husband sit in his own mess so to speak? Don't neglect your kids or any of their needs, and if they are old enough to handle little chores, let them start chipping in, but let him see what it's like to have to clean up after himself and do his own laundry, etc. Just a thought.

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