Husband on vacation -- with his friends?

[deleted account] ( 7 moms have responded )

Hello everyone!

I am a stay at home mommy of one. He's seven months, one week and one day old as of today. Recently as of this Saturday my boyfriend/fiance/boyfriend went on a vacation with two of his male friends down to Florida. I have really mixed feelings about this. Yes, he works very hard at his jobs, provides all the financial funds for our lives and deals with me and the child. But, and it's a really big but, he is out on a vacation away from his son and I for a week with only two of his close male friends who are both single. Does this sound like it could be potentially dangerous for our relationship since he is with two other guys who are single??

He is prone to attacks of -- I don't want to be a daddy. He is also prone to attacks of - I never get to do the things I like doing. When he has these little attacks I immediately bring things like this little vacation up. It usually shuts him down.

How do I feel safe in my relationship -- if I'm worrying about him doing something potentially stupid while he's gone from us?

Thanks ladies!

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[deleted account]

While I think a vacation with the guys is perfectly normal (my hubby takes one & I take one with the girls once a year) a whole week is a bit long--2 nights is our max.
New fathers are very prone to the two "attacks" you mentioned (love the way you termed that by the way!!) so maybe consider this year's vacation his "Last Hurrah" before falling fully into his fatherhood role. After this, vacations a part should be very short, very rare, and equal--meaning if he gets one, you get one.

As for the fear that he may cheat, all you can do it trust him. I can trust my husband in those situations, but we've been committed to each other for 10 years without any breaks. When our relationship was younger or he had ever wavered in his commitment, I'm not sure if I could have. I will tell you this, though, if you trust him, and he comes through for you and has missed you and knows he loves you (you can tell when he comes home) it will strengthen your relationship tremendously.

Danielle - posted on 05/05/2010

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I hope this doesn't sound ugly but it sounds to me that he has a lot of growing up to do, With him saying things like that and running off to florida with his single friends has my warning bells going off like crazy. The next time he said he never got to do the things he wanted to do remind him that's what being a responsible adult is all about.Watch your back girl cuz you're headed down a very rocky (and potentially painful) road. I hope I'm wrong but if I'm not just know that if you and your baby are not enough for him then he doesn't deserve you! I really hope things work out for you though

Sherry - posted on 05/05/2010

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I have to agree with Louise on this one.. tell him to suck it up and grow a set.

I'd also be suspicous if he doesn't call every day.. but that's me... maybe he just needs a break to get his priorities straight and needs to miss you both a little (there is that possibility). My man is nearly 40 years old and STILL acts like a big kid, but that's his personality and I seldom worry that he'll stray..

A word to the wise though-- don't go looking for problems if there aren't any.. take it one day at a time and see what he's like when he gets back... or ask him when YOU can go on a vacation.

Louise - posted on 05/05/2010

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I think this is a dangerous situation. He needs to grow up he is a daddy so get over it. I have been married for 20 years this June and my husband is starting this, wanting to go out drinking with old school friends he has not seen for 25 years and go to reunion parties without me. I don't think this is right we are married and we should party together and not have one sat at home babysitting whilst the other is out partying. I think you are right to be worrid I am and we have been together 25 years! Men always seem to want what they can't have!

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Brandi - posted on 05/08/2010

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well i kind have the same problem me and my fiance have 3 kids but only youngest is really his and he never wants to be home when he gets off work he comes home for a min and leaves with some exuse about having to help his brother and he is always going out withhis bro and i sit at home raising three kids alone and cooking and cleaning all of it by myself and i wasnt worried at first but now he treating me diffrent he makes rude comments about me under his breath about me he never talks to me anymore and lately we are rarly intament anymore what do you think is going on please i need some advice should i lose the jerk and move on or give it another go please HELP! p.s. someone please message me with some advice i really need it thanx

Audrey - posted on 05/08/2010

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I personally don't think its anything to worry about. Even if you are in a committed relationship there no reason why you can't have some alone time. I think that it actually helps relieve the tension. And if you don't have any particular reason to be suspicious, except for the fact that he's out with single friends, don't worry or stress for no reason. Its not his fault his friends are single.

And for the daddy thing, I don't think its fair for him to say that, its kidda hurtful. Definitely need to get that problem resolve : s

Good luck to you!

Sheryl - posted on 05/08/2010

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well what i would so is ask your self these things! does he call you both reg. and does he answer your phone calls. another is does he sound like his around more girls voices,or people in general. plus another big one is do you trust him! oh yeah does he say i love you. if i where in your shoes i would be scared cause his friends are single. yes men and women need a brake sometime but a week i feel is a lil to much. my husbend does not take vaction with his friends that are single. cause he knows what well happen and all it well do is cause fights. what i would do is just talk to him when his home and till him i know you need you time but could you maybe take it next time with married friends so your not getting told thing like you said in your post. cause it would help you and him if he did hang out with other guys who are married. and if my husbend does anything with his single friends it playing a game of ball or when his with me. i know it not easy when you got a lil one. the first year is ther hardest. i would be vary carefull though. cause if those friends don't respect you and don't like you they may keep putting him in bad place to where he may to someting stuiped. and if they don't that another thing i would talk to him about. just be carefull! best of luck hope thing go great!

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