husband question

Jessica - posted on 04/15/2010 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Often when I say something to my husband he reacts in a defensive way. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I even tell him that I didn't mean to upset him. It's only been this way since our LO was born 3 months ago. We've talked about it, but it's still happening. Any advice?

8 Comments

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Maggie - posted on 04/16/2010

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My husband was like this when out LO came home. It wasn't until we were talking about it that he realized that he was jelous that our daughter was getting so much of my attention. Also, he thought that with me being home I would be able to get all the housework done and have dinner on the table when he got home (as well as still dressing and doing my make-up like before our daughter was born) and he was felling a little resentful that he had to help out so much. Since then we have made a date night (although we don't actually get to leave the baby at home - we have a nice romantic meal at home after Becky is in bed because we don't have anyone really close that can help at night) and we talk to each other. It is an adjustment for both parents and sometimes guys feel a little jelous.



It does get better. Everyone keeps telling me that about everything after the baby comes. It always comes down to "It WILL get better".

Chelsea Cleo - posted on 04/16/2010

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I would say he is missing out on time with you, he feels a bit stressed and a bit left out.
I know my partner was a bit like that to begin with so I had to balance out being a mum and keeping my relationship alive, its hard with newborns though but we cant expect men to understand that lol.
Maybe try having a huge talk to him one night, ask him how he is feeling about everything, ask him if there is anything he needs to talk to you about or let out. This worked for me so I hope it helps you!

Myra - posted on 04/15/2010

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You probably aren't doing anything wrong. With the addition of your baby, your husband has a new role and new responsibilities. Chances are, he needs to adjust to how your home is now. You are different to him now. You are not only his wife, but the mother of his child. Even if everything is great, it takes a lot to get used to. You can try getting him more involved with your LO.

If it's been a while since you have had an evening to yourselves, see if grandma or grandpa would mind watching the newest addition so the two of you can have some time together--even if it's just an evening at home.

Jacqueline - posted on 04/15/2010

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When my husband gets like that I tell him that I have some tampons in the cabinet under the sink or have some Ibuprofen on top of the fridge. He gives me a look like he is palnning my demise and then he busts out laughiing telling me that that was not funny. So I tell him that only one of us in the house is supposed to be PMSing and he agrees and the issue is resolved. Dont know if it will work for you but it doesnt hurt to try lol

Tanya - posted on 04/15/2010

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I recenly read an article somewhere saying about the percentage of men getting depression after the baby is born. apparently its really common. but men dont want to admit it. do u think possibly this may be something he may be trying to deal with or not?

Letty - posted on 04/15/2010

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I have been with my husband for 17 years now. I have learned that men have their periods too. Menstration.

Christy - posted on 04/15/2010

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Maybe he is tired? Or did you have a conversation/argument in the past that is making him resentful in any way? He is probably stressed about having a new baby in the house. Can you take a night a week, just the 2 of you, with no baby talk to reconnect? Sometimes men feel left out by their wives/girlfriends when a baby enters the picture.

Oliver - posted on 04/15/2010

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He's probably feeling like a 3rd wheel or that he's out of his element now that the baby is here. Don't walk on egg shells around him but maybe if you feel you'll say something he'll take the wrong way, introduce your comments like "I really like how you're handling things but", or "great job with every thing honey but can I make a suggestion". That way your building confidence while getting what you need to say across.



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