Husband Sabatoges my parenting!

Angela - posted on 06/13/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )

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As a SAHM I am the primary caregiver of our Claire age 2.6 months. My husband is a weekend Papa and tends to get upset when I state he maybe confusing or hurting my techniques for raising our child.
Some Examples:
Potty training. We are in the middle of potty training. My method is to have underpants on when at home all the time (except when she recently got really sick with the runs and fever). We use pull ups at naptime and diaper at night for sleeping. Claire is doing GREAT with this method. I ask her to potty and she goes most of the time. We do have some accidents but for the most part she has been doing well.
However my Claire sometimes prefers a diaper and will ask for one and I always state no, we wear panties during the day, you are a big girl! Claire sometimes will ask for a diaper when she has to go potty instead of going on the potty. This is when I say come lets go to the potty we don't need a diaper to go pee. She again is usually compliant.
Today(it's a Dutch holiday so hubby is home) my Claire asked for a diaper instead of asking to go to the potty, my husband said okay lets get a diaper! He then took her to the Potty. She was furious because she thought she was going to get a diaper. So I had a screaming toddler on the potty who was really mad!
I told my husband that I think his statement confused Claire and that I did not think it was a good idea to agree to a diaper and then make her go to the potty. He felt this was the only sure way to know if she has to really go potty! I was like well if she don't go you just try a little bit later.
He got angry... he did not say anything at all and just pouted.
I went on to attend the screaming angry toddler on the toilet. She was livid and so I said okay potty or panties she did not want anything at that point. I stepped back away from her and she was screaming just to give her a minute. My husband goes to her and she just gets more angry. I intervene and say just give her a second alone. He gets angry and storms off. Claire is now hysterical and I end up taking her off the potty, gave her some quite time in her room for a minute and then she decided to use the potty.
My husband is still pouting....
Another example. Claire has eczema, the doctors have her put on a special fatty cream at least 3x per day and alway before she bathes and sleeps. It provides a barrier for her skin. She also take special creams 5 days a week but will go to 4, 3, 2 etc this week. The are steroidal medications.
My husband last night was giving her a bath, I asked nicely if Claire had her cream, he said no she is tired... she was not tired it was just a pain for him! I nicely stated it was really important or she has to be on steroidal meds longer than needed...prevention is the best medicine... he again pouts! This happens all the time with the cream and I get tired of it!
I feel angry that he is only here for nights and weekends, rarely does he have to CARE for Claire on his own and he does not respect that I do have to all the time. He does not ask me about things and if I do state anything he does not listen and just does what he wants.
If I say anything he states I am too controlling and should let him figure things out his way!
I don't want to argue so I am saying nothing and writing on here to vent and get help so I can hopefully approach him on this.
What do I do??? I can't just let him do things that sabotage and hurt Claire and my hard work too!

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2 Comments

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Katherine - posted on 06/13/2011

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First of all come to this community: http://www.circleofmoms.com/moms-who-nee...

Second of all if he doesn't understand and pouts that's on him. It sounds like he just wants to help but doesn't realize he is undermining everything you have done.
I would tell him you've worked very hard to get her potty trained and it's working very well the way you are doing it. I would also sit him down and have a nice long talk on WHY he isn't helping by doing these things and I would be gentle about it. He really seems to be trying to help.

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