Husband said I'm lazy, but am I really, I'm doubting myself!

R - posted on 07/11/2015 ( 6 moms have responded )

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In the morning had an argument with husband and he just said I'm lazy because I woke up 8.50am today! Basically I don't work, I stay at home. I have two kids, one is 4 and the other is 2/1/2. Before I used to breastfeed till my 2nd one was 2, she wouldn't stop so houseworks weren't been done. Her sleep routine was upside down. She would be awake at night and sleep during the day. I had to drop older one to nursery, come home, cook and do some cleaning, laundry etc. but for husband it was never enough. Looks like he wanted spotless house. Before I would ignore it but now we moved to a new house, everyday I get up 5.30 am or 6am but no later than 6. I get ready the kids lunch bags, have a shower, by the time the kids gets up, I'm still running around. I'm still late. I feel like I'm not doing something good. It's not like the kids get up late. Older one gets up latest 7am. My second one latest at 8am, we recently found out she's autistic. So if she's ready and she can't wait she'll take off everything and I have to keep doing it. Nowadays I found husband saying to me I think her pads need changing and even though I'm in the middle of the cooking I have to leave everything and come and change her. He will just go away. Expecting food to be nice. Autistic child doesn't sleep through the nights so my one gets up several times. I go and sometimes I'm with her 2-3 hours all nights. Basically what happen yesterday my 2nd one got up and I asked husband to go and be next to her instead of me because if it's me it will take hours. He did went but already slept. So little one got up from bed and I took her in our bedroom as hubby was sleeping on the mattress on the floor in my little one room. In the morning he got up and came to our bedroom I said come and sleep I'm going anyway. He left and said no and to leave him to sleep on the mattress. I didn't realise he was angry. And me I was thinking to tell him sorry I woke him up and that what for the first time, I woke him up to go to our little on bedroom. My belly button was so sore because little one will keep scratching it until she sleeps and that's the reason I said it. In the morning I said to husband are you tired and about to say sorry. He just said that I went to bed at 9pm which was a lie. Because we had dinner at 9.30 and had a chat till 10.30. I fell asleep on the sofa at 11.30 I still remember as I always look at the time before I go to bed. That I'm lazy etc. I just kept quiet and left. And now kept thinking all day, where did I go wrong. My kids everyday have a bath and clean pj on. Everyday clean clothes on. Everyday fresh food cooked. Everyday laundry is done. Everyday toilet, kitchen are clean properly because my little one goes everywhere. Everyday I have the tantrums of my little one as she's autistic. Lately I had panic attacks I didn't know I was having them for a year. The last time I had it the ambulance came. So it looks like no matter what I do nothing is good. Do you ladies do all your houseworks properly everyday? I don't know what to think anymore.

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Delayna - posted on 07/13/2015

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I don't know you or your husband so just off of what I get from your post is that maybe there is something going on in his life that he isn't sharing with you. You seem to be doing what most of us stay at home moms do (that men don't seem to understand). They aren't home everyday all day to see the struggles of maintaining a household, the children and their needs. It's a full time job in itself and not to mention after all that is done we still haven't taken care of ourselves most times. Maybe you two need to discuss what type of balance you need between the two of you (i.e. you take care of cooking, he washes the dishes) kind of thing. Or maybe just share with each other about how your day went. He could be stressed about work and he's directing his frustration in the wrong direction. Communication is important and you have to remind him know that you are there for him to open up.

Michelle - posted on 07/12/2015

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Your husband needs to help out more (that's what I got from your post). Why did you have to stop cooking a meal because your child needed changing? Your husband should have changed her.
He helped create your children so he needs to step up and help raise them. Sorry, your husband is the lazy one and a right ass thinking you should be doing everything around the house.

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R - posted on 07/11/2015

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No I'm not being so defensive. Just one of those days just been tired all day.Little one got chicken pox and it's hurtful because she can't say she's in pain etc. breaks my heart all day to see her struggling with the pain. And on top of that ear infection. She's been crying all day. thanks for taking time to read and reply back.

R - posted on 07/11/2015

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Well I'm sorry if it sounds confusing to you. But she has been diagnosed with autism already. She has her routine and if something it's not like she wants then she has her behaviour tantrums which we are working on that. My dear my little one doesn't speak, doesn't point, doesn't understand emotion, doesn't like to be in crowds, even though I do pegs with her, she doesn't respond to it. She's gona be three in September so we found out in March she will be diagnosed with asd. And last June she was diagnosed. I hear that everywhere that child needs to be three. A mother wants the best for their child. I knew something wasn't right and I went to my health visitor to ask for a review first and then she said she could notice that my child wasn't responding as a two year old would do. She's been on speech and language therapy, this has stopped after 6 weeks. Two months break and then start again. My two kids don't go to bed at 9.30pm. If you would have read it properly you would know that I said I who is me and my husband had dinner at 9.30pm. They both go to bed at 7-7.30 pm. Depending who goes in bath first. She goes to nursery at the moment but she wouldn't go to a mainstream school. Nursery is my choice. In nursery key worker said she's fine because they have routine there but with me she doesn't follow nothing. She plays up with me and that's what we working with psychologist. I was referring to what I do because I was told by my husband I'm lazy and not about my autistic child.

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