Husbands

Heather - posted on 03/27/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I am a stay at home mom of two boys 2 in a half year old and a 3 month old. I have been staying home since November and I love being with them, but when my husband gets home he expects me to still do everything. I am trying to potty train my oldest and it seems like he has more accidents when my husband is home than when it is just me. He sits there and asks him over and over if he has to go but wont get up and take him than says I guess I should have taken him. I always tell him that he is not going to tell you yes you just need to take him and he says I guess he is not ready to be potty trained. I have been doing it for almost two weeks now I dont want to go back to diapers and lose the progress we made. When we go out in public he thinks he needs to go potty and it is like it is an inconvenivce for my husband to take him. I get so fruastrated I am home all day and deal with it would it kill him to do it for the few hours he is home with him at night and on the weekends so I can have a little bit of a break. Then when he holds my youngest all the do is stare at the tv and I hate that. My oldest would be glued to the tv all day if you let him! I shut it off during the week when it is just the three of us and make sure he plays and does activities. I just needed to vent a little so thanks for everyone who reads this. Sorry it is so long!

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Heather - posted on 03/29/2009

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Thanks everyone for the advice and listening or I guess reading so I can vent. I went back to our room this evening and shut the door well both kids were with their daddy and slept for an hour which was much needed. He has been taking my son to the potty this weekend and helping more. But he slept in on Sunday till about 9 and I was up about 7 with the youngest and the oldest got up about 8.

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What is it with men and just staring at the tv? When I ask my husband to take my son so that he can spend some quality time with him, he sits right down on the couch and turns the tv on. I try and keep it off during the day because otherwise my son would just stare at it all the time. Must be a guy thing, lol. :)



Vent away sister, that's what other moms are here for!!

Heather - posted on 03/28/2009

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There are days he is pretty good about helping and he tells me if I need a break to take one. This is all new I guess another kid and me staying home. I was so frustrated that night cause it is not the first time. He does play with the oldest quite a bit they rough house. He all of sudden is doing a little better with the little one right now he is talking to him and has him faced towards him. I have offered to let him feed him with expressed milk and he says that since he did it with the oldest he does not feel like he needs to do it with the youngest. Everyones comments have helped and made me feel better. Sometimes I think I just need to talk about it. Thank you so much!!

Joy - posted on 03/28/2009

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Hi am not sure how to go about the problem at hand but i found because my husband was so involved in the early days of my son (i had a c-section) and he stayed with me at the hospital and did all the things i couldnt with my son, he changed the first diaper and did the first bath etc etc. I also breastfed and expressed so he could also bottle feed. This continued on at home and still to this day (nearly 7 months on) my husband continues to help as much as he can. He gives me days out and encourages me to go out on my own quite a bit. I think this is all due to the early days. Maybe you could start by asking him to do something small like change a nappy or take the kids for a swim or walk and get him involved. After all men are big sooks and he may be feeling left out OR have no ideas as to what he can do with a baby except watch tv as the baby seems to enjoy it. MAybe give him some suggestions? Sorry couldnt offer more help as know you must be going out of your mind!

Sandy - posted on 03/28/2009

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I would take care of this problem ASAP.  Your posts remind me of my childrens father.  I let it go, I thought it would change.  He thought just because he was in the same room that was being there. If he helped once a month he did his share because I was at home. Needless to say after almost 20 years and 8 kids between the two of us, I couldn't take it anymore.  I left with the 6 kids last year.  Since our two youngest (twins) have been diagnosed with Autism and he refuses to ancknowldge that, I had to give his lawyer copies of the medical reports.  He hasn't seen the twins in almost a year. 



 I have been asked several times, hows life single?   It isn't any different then before....I still do EVERTHING, but now I don't have to come home to a stressful house.  I love coming home.



Again, this can cause A LOT of stress on a relationship.  You need to talk. with each other.

Heather - posted on 03/28/2009

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He does cook dinner sometimes and usually cleans up the kitchen after dinner. Then he picks up the living room once in awhile. But like last night he got up with our oldest and was grouchy the whole time so I ended up getting up and taking care of Keegan. Of course he handed him to me saying nothing and headed back to bed. I am nursing my youngest and he gets up about two times a night. I just get so fraustrated at times and if I say anything he says thanks for saying I am a bad dad. He is a good dad most of the time but if it interepts his sleeping time or he has something in mind that he wants to get done dont bother him. I always tell him and you think there are things i would not like to get done but someone has to make sure the kids are taken care of! Thanks for the advice I appreciate it. It is nice to have others that understand.

Jaclyn - posted on 03/27/2009

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HI Heather, I would just like to start off by saying Tara is pretty much on the ball with everything. I have a 5 year old and 7 month old, I went from having my 5 year olds dad around to being a single mom to having a baby with my present bf. I know from experience that all men are the same, when they kids are young they don't know what to do for them or with them. Men and babies/young children think the same they are toys to each other. the only problem with that is men don't feel they can play with the kids till the kids can look after them selves (potty train, eat by themselves). I wish i could right it will get better soon but unfortunately its just not the case.

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