husbands

Stephanie - posted on 08/21/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My husband work 6 full days a week,half day on sat,and off on Sunday. I am a stay at home mom of 4 kids, oldest is 5. I understand my husband works like crazy and am greatfull for him, but I am truly fed up with him. He won't take out the trash and if he does he leaves it right outside the door for all the animals to get, and make a bigger mess for me. He's cranky with our kids when he gets home from work and has absolutely no patience with them. He every second he can. Sleeps late very Sunday, than wakes up and expects a huge breakfast from me. Naps on sat when he gets home. I'm just so over him!everytime I say anything to him about it he's says you don't work so you can do it. I get that and don't expect him to do the dishes or the laundry, he doesn't even cut that yard, I do! How do I get his help before it makes me hate him? Thanks

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Your husband does work A LOT. That is an absurdly long workweek!

My husband doesn't work long hours, but his job is VERY mentally demanding and stressful. He has a hard time switching from work mode to daddy mode in the evenings. We found that if I give him an hour to himself in his home office to do whatever he wanted to after work, when he comes out, he is much more responsive, and less easily frustrated with our son.

I don't ask my husband to help with any chores because I figure as a sahm, that's my job. I DO ask that he play an active role in our son's life and be an attentive and fully present father.
The evenings are his only time to connect and bond with our son, so I want him spending that time with J rather than helping me catch up on chores. After he comes out of his office, he usually takes J to play a game, go for a walk, or whatever so that I can finish up chores and get supper cooked. He also handles getting J ready for bed while I clean the kitchen.

I find that him just taking our son off of our hands gives me more than enough peace to finish up everything, plus it gives them a great opportunity to build a relationship.

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Sylvia - posted on 09/07/2013

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I totally agree with Stephanie. When you both decide to have 4 kids there needs to be a some kind of understanding that you are not in it alone. Plan a little date with him and talk. Let him know in a nice and calm manner that you would appreciate a little help once in a while because you feel overwhelmed etc. Asking him to do the trash is really not a big deal and he should have no problem doing it, although my husband always forgets and the night before he still asks me if I did it and if not, he starts huffing and puffing like it was my job to begin with. I just tell him to screw off and do what he is supposed to do. :)

Your husband works too much, doesn't have any play time for himself and thus is short with your kids and you. Money is one thing but it doesn't benefit anyone if your family life and marriage suffers while earning it. you guys need a date night once a month so you can communicate about what is going on with you, take interest in each other's lives, become friends again.. I have a feeling once you to work on your relationship, he won't mind helping you out again. It works for me :)

Rachael - posted on 08/31/2013

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take the kids to visit their grandparents, aunts, uncles, anyone!!!! i allways get a break one way or another. and if i let the house go one day a mess, too bad. sounds like y'all need a break. yall both do so much. maybe u and a friend can watch each others kids one day a week. i actually love cleaning the house when no kids are home, lol.

Michelle - posted on 08/21/2013

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My husband works the same hours but still helps out around the house. I have gone back to work now but even when I was a SAHM he would still take out the rubbish, bath our daughter, etc. We had the agreement when we decided to have our daughter that we would still have a partnership at home. I cooked (and still do) every night but he cleans up after.
You need to sit down calmly with each other and discuss what you actually want. It may help to write a list of what needs to be done and divide it up. Just because you stay at home doesn't mean you aren't working, especially with all your children. I admire you for looking after all those children. I have 3 but they are spread out.

Stephanie - posted on 08/21/2013

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Okay thanks!
correction he works mon-Friday 6-4:30 and sat 6-noon.
and yes that is alot of hours.

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