I am at the end of my rope!

Amber - posted on 09/20/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I have had it!



My husband thinks that because he works full time, he doesn't have to lift a finger to do anything around the house.



I totally supported him for several years. He would not work, cook, clean or anything. I had my son and then went back to my nursing job only 2 weeks later. I worked 16 hours a day, 7 days a week, plus cleaned the house, ran errands, paid bills, went grocery shopping and did all of the cooking.



My job got so stressful that I had a terrible anxiety attack and was sent to the emergency room. The doctor said that my heart was out of rhythm and if I didn't quit my job and rest for a while I would be back with a heart attack. I was only 31!



I quit my job and told my husband that he was going to have to get a job because my health was at stake. He absolutely would not look for a job, so my dad hired him to work for his company.



I felt guilty about not bringing in any income, so I started up 2 businesses of my own- both of them are online and both of them are VERY busy. I work roughly 10 to 12 hours a day on them.



Now, I do that, plus clean the house and take care of our 4 dogs, 3 horses, goats, chickens, rabbits, cats and our 2 1/2 year old son. I mow the grass (4 acres out of our 17 with a push mower), wash the deck, AND I work on our cars. I just replaced an alternator in one of them this past weekend. Yes, I took advanced mechanic classes and do ALL auto repairs myself.



I clean the animal cages and cook all of our meals.



My main complaint is that he is a complete slob! He leaves empty cigarette packs laying everywhere. I counted 5 of them on our computer table. He leaves dirty, muddy clothes laying in the floor and will step over them instead of picking them up. He refuses to give any of the dogs a bath, help with the other animals or take the garbage to the dump.He refuses to change our son's diaper.



I sleep 4 hours a night because I try to catch up with housework after my online work is done. I am so tired. Everyone I know has commented on how worn out I look.



I have tried talking to him, screaming at him, withholding sex, everything. Nothing phases him. I have sit in the middle of the floor and cried my eyes out because I just can't handle it anymore, and he just goes to bed.



When I ask him if he likes living like a slob, he just shrugs and says "I don't notice it".



I don't know what else to do. There is so much more to this than what I am typing, but I really don't want to bore anyone.



Please, please, someone tell me what to do or give me some advice.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Michelle - posted on 09/20/2012

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Well I would personally go on strike, quit cooking for him cleaning up after him and doing his laundry only do what absolutely needs to be done for the animals and the baby. Tell him that it is his mess and he can deal with it if he doesn't pick up his socks than I would be walking away and telling him you have had enough and you need to go your seperate ways.

[deleted account]

sounds like hes taking complete advantage of you, i personally wouldnt stand for it,

sorry to say but if he really loved you he wouldnt act like that n it doesnt sound like you need him (as you do everything yourself anyway) id get rid n go find someone that makes you happy

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Amber - posted on 09/23/2012

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It would be nice to have a mother who would be willing to do that, but seeing as how I have no family, that would be difficult.



I would not say that I am being dramatic. I did not simply 'throw myself on the floor'. I was sitting on the floor playing with my son, saw the mess in the living room, and became overwhelmed.



I am not a feminist per say, but I feel strongly that a woman should be able to bring in her own income, know how to make repairs on a car and a house and not be the type who is afraid to move because they may 'crack a nail' or 'muss their hair'. And if my husband wanted to arm *wrestle*, I wouldn't turn it down.



I AM a mother- and a damn good one. I AM a wife- and a damn good one.



I am asking advice because I have not been in this situation before and wanted to know how to handle it.



I am going to take the advice of Michelle MacKay and go on strike.

AliceG - posted on 09/23/2012

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I would move out to my moms and tell him to clean up his act and he can have us again after it.

He shruggs and goes to bed because he KNOWS you will allow it, you will not do anything about it.

Also, I am sorry to say, but you chose a bad man to marry with.

Why are you going in a vicious circle and not make a decision? What do you hope for?? Be realistic not dramatic, do not throw yourself on the floor. And mostly, put your child first.

You feel guilty for not bringing any income???? Are you one of the feminists who arm-wressle with their husbands?? Sad. So sad. You are a mother, be one. You are his wife, be one.

You can get mad at me all you want. Just trying to help you.

Anita - posted on 09/21/2012

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I would get help, talk with a trusted family member, a therapist or someone at your church.

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