I don't know how to be good wife/mom

Emma - posted on 06/27/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )

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im blessed to be able to stay at home with my son and i love being with him. my problem is im an extremely insecure SAHM. i am constantly questioning my every move... and im a young mom had LO at 23 he is now 16 months. I was spoiled growing up... didn't have to cook or clean or teach anyone anything and now i am really struggling. I feel i am not a good enough wife and mother. I am too embarrassed to cook anything because DH is such a great cook and i clean as best as i can, but i am not exactly a housekeeper. i try to keep things in order, but you can see the dust on my tables. i also feel inadequate as a mother... am i good enough for my son? I don't know what i should be teaching him at this age, i try to let him play independently as well as interact with him as best i can, but i am so exhausted by the end of the day i can't help but turn on the tv just to have him sit down for 30 mins. i feel like i have no clue what i am doing and i don't feel good enough....to make things worse MIL is absolutely perfect...cooks, cleans, was a SAHM to 4 kids, does anything & everything perfectly & DH idolizes her (of course she hates me and thinks im worthless & if i don't do things her way or take her advice she stops speaking to me) that doesn't help much either... someone give me an idea of what exactly i should be doing....

-Insecure & Lost Young Mama

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Lori - posted on 06/27/2014

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Emma - you sound like a perfectly normal, good mother!!!!! I think that one of the best signs of a good/great momma, is that she's trying to do what's best for her baby, but knows that she's not perfect.

Being a SAHM is NOT an easy job. Taking care of a baby/toddler is HARD work. Do you have any other SAHM friends in your area? Sometimes it can really help to have play dates and commiserate with someone in the same situation as you. If you don't know anyone in your area, look up MOMS Club, or MOPS, or go to the library for story time or something to try to meet some other Moms with LO's.

As far as cooking… try not to compare your cooking to your hubby's or to your MIL's. Your son doesn't know the difference yet, and even if you don't cook a full meal for the family, like any other skill you get better at cooking by doing it. Start simple, ask someone to help you cook a meal (you don't have to ask your hubby or your MIL).
I was 30 when my first was born, and I only cooked about 3 things. Until my LO was born, I worked full time. Then I became a SAHM. My husband works full time, and he was a much better cook than I was. Another baby a few years later, and the discovery of food allergies has led me to HAVE to cook for my children. I still almost exclusively use cook books and recipe cards etc. But I can cook just about anything now, and I can alter a recipe too to make it dairy and soy free. My husband can still cook of course… but some of the meals I've put together can top some of the things he cooks. I have a friend who does tons of cooking, and I've called her in the middle of cooking up something and asked for advice, or have had her come over to show me how to make things like gravy.

My oldest is now 6, and I still know there are more things I could be doing with my kids… more crafts, or more time just playing with them - but I have happy, healthy, relatively well behaved children who are very social, and very bright. Do I doubt myself… sure, all the time.

So - at the end of the day here's what matters: YES, you are good enough for your son! You are what he needs. He needs a mom who loves him, and wants to do things right for him and who's willing to just keep trying to do her best every day.

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