I don't know what to do, could you help me help him?

Leeann - posted on 09/16/2011 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I'm a SAHM and my husband works. the problem is my husband, he works from 6-4 most days, but there other days where he doesn't work at all, he doesn't get paid much and its a huge stressor for him. he has depression and anxiety, he takes medicine for this, but it doesn't seem to be helping.


lately he's been so down, always looking at the bad side of things. i'm the exact opposite, i know what its like to go down that very dark path, but i dont know how to bring him back. it took us to long to get where we are to day and i have no plans on loosing him now. so if anyone has any ideas on how to help him they would be greatly appreciated.

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Jennifer - posted on 09/21/2011

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Pray for him. I had to realize with my husband that there where times when there is nothing I can do. I don't stop trying, but I also pray because I know there are times when that is the best thing I can do.

Shayna - posted on 09/17/2011

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My husband actually sat down and wrote out all his favorite things about me to help me with my baby blues from DD #2. The very first one was my "willingness to cope." I asked him to explain that one, and he told me he was felt proud and encouraged because I was always ready to knuckle down when money was tight, we lived on ramen noodles for over 2 years, and I did without a LOT of things. I've found that when he is stressing over money, he is absolutely miserable because he can't "provide" for me and our 2 daughters like he thinks he should. I gently remind him that I married him for the way he loves me, not for his money. (And once in a while I wink and tell him I married him for his penis, he gets a laugh out of that!) The big thing is to try to be a help (coupons, thrift stores, hand-me-downs, find recipe for cheap and healthy meals online, get rid of the cable or DirecTV) and keep reminding him that being loved has nothing to do with stuff and everything to do with a choice the 2 of you made when you said "I do." Try not to be a nag (saying things like "you need a better job. we need more money. I hate living here!") Your husband's number one worry is that he can't provide for his family, and #2 is probably that he's letting you down.

Jessica - posted on 09/16/2011

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just be patient with him. you always look for a part time job for the evening shift to relieve a little of his stress if thats at all possible for you guys. even take in a few babysitting jobs if you want to stay at home. it sounds like any little bit of financial help you could be in would be a major relief for him. that and all the hugs and kisses possible from you and your kid(s). give it time. if and when the economy comes back around im sure things will look up for you guys and he will be back to himself.
Good luck and Good wishes!

Elaine - posted on 09/16/2011

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Take time out for him. Find someone who can make a trade with you. They watch your kid(s) andyou 2 go out andthen you do something in return for those who watch your little family. But you make sure to take a dad time out and give lots of attendion of a one on one Just get him out and away for a break.. Can be a drive to a nice view something that dosent cost alot of money or nothing at all

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Leeann - posted on 09/26/2011

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the silly man does think he isn't providing for us, but things are beginning to turn around for now. of course that just means we have more disasters to deal with, but we're getting through it as a family. thank you so much ladies you all have been so supportive and helpful.

Jennifer - posted on 09/21/2011

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He is a grown man and has to make the decision himself to look at his life and accentuate the positive, as the song says. Positives being a wife and child who adore him...etc. THAT is an amazing start of a positive list, if you ask me :) It is NOT your responsibility to make your husband's happiness. It is lovely that you care for him so much, that you would try. But, he is a grown man. A second job might help if it is the money stressing him. Rather than stressing on things, solve the stress by action...by deciding what to do to get rid of said stress. Nothing is an overnight fix but moving in the right direction is a good feeling and should help...

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 09/16/2011

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Do you help him look for a job? I redid my boyfriends resume and book marked the listings so it was a lot easier for him to get online, with his updated resume, and fill out the applications. They can be very long, boring, and depressing! Some of them take an hour alone, just to hear nothing back from anyone. It gets hard to keep filling them out in our day in age when managers don't want to talk to you and most places hire at seemingly random.

I think Jessica's advice is also awesome. If you could, I would try working some to help him. Giving him a break for a while could be exactly what he needs.

I think it's wonderful how supportive you are being and how you want to help him. Congrats! I hope everything turns around quickly for you!

I also went out and drove around looking for a job with my boyfriend. We would make a day out of it, pack the car and drive around together. It makes a chore into a fun day out. You can stop at a park and picnic for lunch with the kids :)

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