I don't know what to do with myself anymore

[deleted account] ( 13 moms have responded )

My boyfriend works 3rd shift. He goes in at 9:30pm @ night (starts work at 10) and comes home by 7:30 in the morning. Since my daughters (twins) are in school (3rd grade) it's not hard to sometimes slip into the 3rd shift night schedule, just to spend some time with my boyfriend of 4 years when he gets home. Then normally after the girls are off to school I will sleep for awhile until they get home. This sounds like a loser-ish thing to say but I don't have many, if any friends. I've had distant online friendships since after I got pregnant because I was so restricted on going out and meeting new people. But that is getting old now. I need actual contact with friends. People I can hang out with during the day and talk to or have come over when I need advice. Not send an e-mail or FB message and wait for them to reply hours or days later because they live in a completely different state. I don't drive, nor have I EVER had my license. CRAZY RIGHT? I have my reasons. #1 would be absolute fear of being behind the wheel. Not sure where that stems from. People tell me " I don't know how you do it, if I didn't have my car or ability to drive I would go nuts!! " ...probably true, but I have never had that luxury to know what it feels like. But I DO know I wouldn't have to be so dependent on my boyfriend and his very generous taxi service all of the time. So, other than housework, homework with the kids, making dinner & the time spent on my computer, I am THE most bored person in the world. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF ANYMORE. Advice, encouragement would be nice. Please don't be rude.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jamie - posted on 03/05/2013

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Heather, I don't know where you are (and your profile has been deleted) but if you're still reading, and for those who are in the same boat....

I know that being a non-driver seems crazy to some. But you don't have to drive to NOT be trapped inside. Here's the options I can think of:

Get a bike. I know it's winter right now, but, at least where I am, a bike is a pretty good option on many days.

Ride the bus. Depending on where you are. This might not be possible in the sticks. If you're that rural, it's worth having a horse.

Walk or run. Exercise improves your body and your mood. Sunshine helps your body create vitamin D. And amazingly, your feet can take you places. Map out what is a walkable distance and explore.

Meet your neighbors. Knock on doors and see who's home during the day. You might make a friend who would drive you around.

Join something that interests you. Go to church or temple. Call them first, and I bet someone would come and pick you up. Check meetup and see if there's anyone in your area doing anything interesting. Take a class, join or start a book group. Check with organizations like the Lions club, Optimists Club, the Grange, even ask your Chamber of Commerce.

Volunteer at your daughter's school. Get involved with an after-school program with them and meet some other parents. Volunteer at the senior center....they might even take you on their shopping outings.

Learn to meditate. You can stay home and discover that location is merely an illusion.

DeAnn - posted on 03/08/2013

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There is also meetup.com! Lots of people go there to meet others in the same boat! You can even start your own group if you don't find what you are looking for.

Melynda - posted on 03/15/2013

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This may sound strange but it makes me feel better to know I'm not the only one feeling this same way. We're not alone!

Jennifer - posted on 03/02/2013

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Loser-ish? I hope not cause I got no friends either. Its really not fair that you stay at home for your kids then bam you got no friends. I guess since most stay at home moms are more focused on thier kids your friends just drift away. I feel the same about wanting contact in person, someone to go out with for coffee or a drink, talk on the phone etc. It seems most other women don't want friends or don't want you joining in thier group.( I'm speaking mostly about school moms) you just start feeling so lonely with no idea how to make a friend. My bf also works at night 9pm to 5:30am so I also know how you feel there! I have tried hobbles like sewing on a machine.....the machine sucked........or maybe me, who knows. They do have classes at Micheals or somewhere at your location. They also have cake deco, my mom did that. You could go once a week and have your bf drive you up, maybe on one of his days off. Then when your at home you could practice. Also you could try facetime, talking to friends face to face, I know its not human contact but it's better than nothing. Good luck girl, I hope something works out. Reply if you want.

Jodi - posted on 02/24/2013

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Maybe it is time to get your licence, unless you have a transport system where you live. Then you could consider getting some part time work while the twins are at school.

13 Comments

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Jolene - posted on 03/15/2013

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I understand how you feel. I have been there alot myself. I live with my boyfriend and am on disability so I can't work. My daughter is in 5th grade and he works 2nd shift. So he goes in at 1 pm and doesn't get home until almost midnight. i can't drive because of my epilepsy. And I don't have very many friends either. I can get pretty bored at times myself. When it is nice I do do alot of walking to get out of the house. And I have been exercising alot too. Anything I can think of to pass the time. Between cleaning house and spending time with my daughter that only takes up so much time. So I do alot of exercising, reading, computer and anything else I can think of.

Melynda - posted on 03/15/2013

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Make a habit of going for walks. Get out into the sunshine and get some much needed vitamin D. I love to plant things in my yard and watch them grow. I also force my self to do a 30 min work out. It energizes me to get going for the day. Im sorry you are bored its hard to get out of the funk sometimes, but hang in there life is beautiful get out there and find some for your self. Good luck girl! ;)

Apple - posted on 03/14/2013

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Hi,me too,i'm also at home alone with my baby 5 months too,and i don't have lincence too, but i really want to get that but just not right time because still winter now, i can understood how you are feeling now,i also hve some problem same you , just try help yourself everything you think good, hope you feel better

Danicia - posted on 03/05/2013

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if it helps you transition to driving, I recommend going to a go kart racing track and fiddling with those for a while before moving to the real deal if that helps mellow the nerves some.
getting your license could substantially help you make new friends and get another part to your life other than just being mom. maybe trying to find a hobby or interest could help you out too

April - posted on 03/05/2013

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Soo there right now..im 29 ...I have been married to my hs sweetheart since I was 18 ..we have a 13yr, 11yr and 5 month old all boys we moved to florida 2yrs ago so I was here alone pregnant ive always workd ft and had my own paycheck, I dont drive im breastfeeding I know no ine in florida othet than a few of my hubbies work buddies, I stil talk to ppl back home but not the same and ive never been close to my mom my dad and hubs dad live here so im surrounded by boys and men....lonely..if u find a solution please share. .thanks

Erin - posted on 03/04/2013

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First how old are you? I know when I hit my thirties I realized it isn't like it used to be with friends. Everyone is busy with families of their own and perhaps too much dependence on their men which irritates me with other women. It can be hard to get friends to do anything even if you have them. I used to have tons of friends but it dwindles a bit when you grow up. It's sometimes difficult. I would say perhaps you'd feel better to be able to go somewhere without being driven.

I have severe Panic Attack Disorder, people like me sometimes never drive or even leave their homes. I decided I will not be constricted by this fear and I have driven since I was 16. It hasn't always been easy and I even taught my son to drive. I kept calm in the car and later almost vomited in the toilet from nervousness. I think you should try learning to drive. Maybe just being able to make the steps to drive and eventually go somewhere on your own would make a difference.

Paige - posted on 02/24/2013

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Oh wow I feel bad for you. I am in same boat though, married 3 years all my friends are in another state. I have no one but my 2 daughters and husband. It gets lonely, and i'm kind of shy so it's hard to meet new people. I didn't drive for the longest time either, and finally i just told my husband i need to and i got in the car and started off in little residential neighborhoods and now i can drive when i need to. I know its scary but if you can afford it ogo to one of those driving schools they will help/ teach you everything. I am bored too, i feel like everyother mom has friends but me i'm just a loner... it sucks huh? sorry your in the same boat some what!!!! hoping it gets better for you. Chin up ; )

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