I don't want to be a mom

Mary - posted on 12/18/2015 ( 25 moms have responded )

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I don't want to be a mom. Simple as that. I'm not posting this to get a reply or anything. I don't want to hear how "you'll grow into it" or "it takes time" because I know deep down that I'll spend the rest of my life regretting my decision. I hate it. I hate being a mom. When I was pregnant I felt nothing for my son. When he was born I felt nothing. Now I guess I love him but it's more like a love that you have because you've been around someone long enough. I couldn't wait till he could hold his bottle. I couldn't wait till he could grab toys. I couldn't wait till he could crawl and now I can't wait till he can walk. Not because I want to see him grow but because I can't wait till he doesn't need me anymore. I had my son at 17 and I regret it more than anything. I feel like in just babysitting and it's never going to end. Not a day goes by where I don't regret this. I want my life back. I hate it. Im not even like a person who goes out and parties. I'm the kind of person who stays at home watching tv alone and just enjoying my down time. And now I get none of that. I haven't told anyone about this. The only reason I don't tell my mom is because I know she'll judge me. I have considered asking her to take him but then what? All my family and all my friends know that I have him so I'd just look like a bad mom abandoning him. I'm an EXCELENT mom. Especially for a teen mom. I had such a bright future ahead of me. I was so smart and I wanted to go to college and get to spend my first year in a dorm and now I'm stuck a year behind going to a community college. I take good care of my son. Always have. He eats, is always dressed nice, I make sure he isn't missing anything, he's a happy baby. He's literally the easiest baby to take care of. He barely cries, he's always happy, he isn't shy and doesn't complain when others hold him. I spend all my days with him and caring for him and no matter how much I tell myself that I love him I just don't feel as if he's my son. I know he is. I know I love him. But I also know that given the chance to go back, I wouldn't have him. The only reason I didn't have an abortion is because everything got rushed. My mom found out I got kicked out I went to boyfriends and before u knew it there he was. I hate that I feel this way. I fell like people are going to say "she's just a brat" or "shouldn't have gotten pregnant" or " what a shitty person" I know and I get it but I'm literally crying right now writing this and I don't even know what I'm going to get out of posting this but I just feel like if I don't say anything I'll explode. I hate going to sleep EVERY night imagining what I'd be doing if he wasn't there. And where I'd be. I hate this and I know that I'll be miserable for the rest of my life and there's nothing I can do.

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Jessica Raven - posted on 09/03/2016

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Are you still feeling this way, almost a year later? I'm praying for you right now! Not in a judgy way, but it's so hard to feel that way. I love my kids more than anything in the world, they are everything to me and I still feel like I don't want to/am not good at being a mom sometimes. I can't imagine the pain of just not feeling love for them ever. I really hope that things have changed within the year 😊

Raye - posted on 01/27/2016

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Carol, please stop trying to get others on this forum to let you adopt their kids. You should go through reputable sources for adoption.

NEVER trust random people on the internet.

Tamara - posted on 01/07/2016

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I understand your situation i have my son when i was 16 i was preg at age of 15 at that time i feel like whole world on my back but i pray n pray every mother love their child ony reason some dont is the condition of hating baby father. You should love your child when people turn their back on you he will always be there.

Errin - posted on 12/21/2015

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... Did you ever think adoption may be an option for you ... Obvy some ppl will judge but that's not there decision it's yours ... With that said i had my daughter when I was a few years older then you and there was days I felt like i would never amount to anything because all my friends were graduating university and starting careers and I was working at a grocery store and taking care of my baby... But over the last few years my boyfriend and I saved up for the down payment for our home bought our home and I'm now back in school doing a business degree specializing in hr... Which I thought id never be able to do ! Things took me longer then my friends and I know you feel like everyone's going forward and maybe ur stuck but if you decide to stick it out it can get a lot better !! anyways what ever you decide good luck !!!

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Lauren - posted on 10/20/2016

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I know this post is over a year old but I was searching for someone who feels the same way...I had my son a couple months ago at 18. And I've tried my best, I care about his well being and safety and have that kind of love you described, but I did not and do not want to be a mom. I can't give him up for adoption because my family is too attached, I'm broke so the child support coming in will be nice however I want to get out and experience life since I grew up doing nothing thanks to a strict family and now my freedom has been robbed by an accidental pregnancy. I had tried using protection but nope. And honestly I'm SICK of people saying its post partum depression because newsflash...ITS NOT. The majority of people can't wrap their heads around the fact that not every woman wants to or is prepared to be a mom no matter the age or circumstance. Not every girl is geared towards motherhood and I certainly am not despite how well I've been caring for and protecting mine. I don't like being called a mom and don't feel like one and I'm disappointed and miserable and that's perfectly okay. It's my personal feelings and situation that nobody can judge and nobody can label as "Post partum depression" because it's not the same. Maybe I'll put him in temporary foster care until I have a job and apartment and am ready for him. I do want him, just not now while I don't have a stable place to stay and am not prepared. And that's okay.

Carol - posted on 01/27/2016

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I understand. Sorry for being so defensive. I am the greatest person ever :) Thanks a lot.

Raye - posted on 01/27/2016

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My concern is for the children of people that would consider "re-homing" their kids to complete strangers. It's a child, not a dog. Many states have started making laws against these shady "adoptions". And if it's not against the rules of this website to solicit others to give up their babies to you, then it should be.

I don't know you other than what you've shared on this site. You could be the greatest person ever, or you could be a liar. I don't know, and neither would the person giving their child to you without going through the proper channels. There have been cases of parents who gave their children to seemingly nice folks who were abusers and child pornographers, because they didn't want the hassle of paperwork and time it takes to actually qualify the potential parents. I just don't want to see another horror story. Not accusing you, but you could put the idea in someone's head to go through with one of these back-alley adoptions, and the child be given to someone else that is a risk to them.

If you've been qualified by an agency for adoption, great. Go that route. I wish you the most luck in the world.

Carol - posted on 01/27/2016

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First of all. I am a regular mom and a regular person. A GOOD person. I am not harassing people. I don't appreciate your tone. I am a foster mom and a good one. I have a biological child and I am in the process of getting child support. I don't have all the answers and that is why I am asking in this forum with other people that might be able to assist. Just because I have don't have all the answers doesn't mean that I am not a good mother, foster mother or potential mother. AND RAYE... You DONT know everything either.

Why don't you Raye, get a life and stop following me (harassing me) around the website. You know absolutely nothing about me. Also, I have been qualified for adoption, so that is another thing that you don't know. I am not harassing anyone. I created one post today about wanting to adopt and I just replied to this TODAY. You are right NEVER trust random people on the internet, especially people that think they know everything and sending unsolicited advice like YOU. Do not pick a fight with me... GO AWAY. You have your nerve. Leave me alone. Nothing but a bully.

Carol - posted on 01/27/2016

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Mary,
I had the opposite issue. I wanted to be a mom... I had woman problems and I couldn't have a baby.. I can't tell you how many nights I cried... How it is so easy for people to have children and I couldn't even have one. How people abuse their children.. My heart would ache... .I went through surgery and I still couldn't get pregnant.. I had IUI's and I couldn't get pregnant. Doctors told me that I would have a hard time conceiving.. I was so angry with the world.. I was so depressed. I prayed and prayed while I saw so many people with children. I am not going to judge you. Maybe as others has suggested, you could benefit from counseling. That might help.. If you believe in God, ask God to help you to love your child. God blessed you with a wonderful child... but children are not for everyone.. And that is ok.. I became a foster mom and that helped. I eventually had one little girl..and i LOVE her with all of my heart :) ... I can't imagine what you feel but you feel what you do.. You have to do what is best for your child and what you can live with. If you don't feel that being with you will give him the best in life.. maybe adoption would be best. But there are things you can do. Just think about it. I want my daughter to have a sibling.. she is 6 and I can't have any more children.. I finally accepted this. I am going to try to adopt this year.. If you decide that adoption would be best for you.. Please Please contact me. I would love to have another child in my life. WE can talk and you will be able to get to know me... and meet me... I live in Illinois. But I would love to have another child in my life... I have my own business, own my own property, I am a stable person... I'm a foster mom...I could and would give your child a good life and I would make sure that you would be able to keep in contact with them... God Bless,, whatever you decide.

Amber - posted on 01/25/2016

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Im sorry, I can't see things the way you do. I never knew true love till I had my son, I take care of him 24/7 and sometimes it's stressful. But I couldn't imagine life without him, God blessed me tremendously with a beautiful healthy baby boy. I wish you saw it the same way but its ok. You have an opportunity (if you want) to bless someone who can't have their own with a wonderful baby boy. You shouldnt care what other people think, do what's you think is best for your child.

Mara - posted on 01/05/2016

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Have u consider adoption? Having a baby it's lots of work I had my first at 18 and I felt like I was alone bc I had to raised my daughter by myself. But it all up to you, do what u want to do! Don't listen to what ppl say, listen to urself and do what u think is right for ur baby. Ur pertty much a grown up and u have the say so.

Moeun - posted on 01/05/2016

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It sounds like you may have post partum. Are you breastfeeding? I know for me when I had my first baby I only bottle fed, I had dark thoughts then. With my son, I exclusively breastfed and noticed a huuuge difference. Either way, I really hope you seek out help. It will be good for you and your baby.

Kels1194 - posted on 12/23/2015

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You should talk to your doctor. Maybe you have postpartum depression and they can help you, also adoption would be a good choice too. If you need to talk to somebody feel feel to let me know !

JazzyGirl - posted on 12/21/2015

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I know that you weren't expecting a post and are writing this just to get it all out and trust me this is not for petty, but maybe this will help you out. Your post was a good start in helping you deal with the situation. It's actually a great way to get all your feelings out and express how you feel about the situation.You are a young mom so it's normal to feel like you are placed with a burden hell some experienced older moms can't handle it, you're life has completely changed from the course you set, so it's natural to be stressed out. Maybe you should talk to someone about your feelings like a family therapist it'll help and doesn't mean your sacked out. They are affordable with medicaid just look one up in your area. The fact that you are worried about what would happen to your child if you weren't there says that you do care. So take care mommy live just one day at a time &keep your head up. :-)

Jodi - posted on 12/18/2015

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Mary, Dove is right, you do need to talk to a counsellor. If nothing else, you can discuss some options with that person about how you could move forward, and you do have options. Maybe it IS best for you to give your baby up for adoption. There are plenty of people out there who really want a baby and can't have one. This doesn't make you a bad mother, it means you wanted the best for your baby and you don't feel you can give that to him right now. Either way, a counsellor can help you explore the options. Tell the counsellor exactly what you have said here. Tell them how you feel, tell them what you are thinking, tell them you weren't ready for this and you don't want it any more.

If you have seen a therapist previously and they just gave you useless activities, maybe you were seeing the wrong person.

Mary - posted on 12/18/2015

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I don't want to go to therapy. I don't need it. Because I know that there is nothing they can do. I've been before and all they do is give me useless activities that make no difference and tell me that with time I'll get better and what not. I know I don't want to be a mom because I never wanted to be one. I always said I'd never have kids. I didn't like kids. And I still find other children annoying. I guess I've gotten used to my kid. But I still don't want to be his mom. I'd rather live my life the way I was meant to. Not like this. I don't want to spend the rest of my life hating myself and my life. I want to just be alone and be me and not have all these responsibilities. I'm just a kid! I wasnt ready for this and I'm still not ready

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