I don' want to have sex and my boyfirend doesn't understand why. Help!?!

Christine - posted on 02/06/2010 ( 8 moms have responded )




I have not be in the mood for anything lately. I don't even want to kiss him. He doesn't understand why I don't want sex, I do so we don't argue about it. how can I get him to understand that I just don't want it. I don't even know why I don't. I just don't. Help me please!!!


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Definitely not a good idea to have sex when you don't want to. Believe me, he'll know you're not into it and it'll create tension, if it hasn't already. The best advice I can give is a) see your doctor, and b) be honest with your bf and tell him you just aren't in the mood. Then try to figure out the reasons why. My biggest issue after the birth of our daughter was I was just plain exhausted and sleep held way more excitement for me than literally anything else. Once we figured that out and the baby started sleeping through the night, it got much easier to get me in the mood!! Also, are you on any kind of birth control? You don't have to answer that directly, of course, but keep in mind that if you aren't, you could have a subconscious fear of getting pregnant again, which can kill your sex drive. Or if there's any animosity between the two of you regarding caring for the child(ren) or household, this can also have a negative impact on your intimacy. I hope things get better for you!!!

Virginia - posted on 02/07/2010




I was watching the Dr. Oz show and they suggested cuddling for at least 20 mins 3 times a week and schedule one day a week for sex.

Stormy - posted on 02/06/2010




we are kinda there 2, my dad said that after every kid my mom changed, wanting it, not wanting it, on and off, so they stoped on kid #4 and shes 'on' again. like i said we're like that and i am hoping that it goes back the way it was, good luck

Rachel - posted on 02/06/2010




also giving in so you don't have to argue about it is ALWAYS a bad idea! and will only make the problem worse, b/c you will resent him for disrespecting you like that and then you REALLY won't have the urge

Heather - posted on 02/06/2010




Go see your doctor. It could be hormones or your thyroid or you could be depressed - or it could be something as simple as a vitamin deficiency such as B or D (if yu live in a northern climate and this started when the sun decided to go away it could be vit D. My libido goes downhill in the winter if I don't take 2000IU a day) And don't let your doc tell you it's "normal" because it's not.

It could also be that you're just touched out after day with the kids. It could be that he needs to pitch in more and maybe take the whole sex thing a little slower. A nice massage from him might help or even cuddling in front of a movie. I'm on antidepressants which have caused anorgasmia so my dh knows now if he wants it that there's going to be a lot of him taking care of MY needs first. Like running me a bath, giving me a massage and then trying to get something.

Diana - posted on 02/06/2010




Have you talked to your doctor? It may be a hormone thing. Also, if you are not getting enough sleep or water or not eating right, those things ALL make a difference. Especially the sleeping thing. I have sleep problems now after having three kids, and I know that exhaustion certainly does NOT help my libido! It also does not help my reasoning or emotional state, so many times it never occurs to me when something is wrong, that I am simply tired. Even little episodes of not enough sleep can catch up with you. Or poor sleep. And hormones can often affect your sleep cycle or 'circadian rhythm.'

I would definitely see your doctor. If you have a male OBGYN, and he tells you it's 'normal,' or wants to immediately slap you with antidepressants for Post Partum Depression, find somebody else! It COULD be PPD, but if you have sleep apnea or are just not getting quality sleep or it's hormones, drugs are not going to help that much. And antidepressants are known to crush sex life also (they can either squash your 'want to' or they can make it more difficult for you to climax).

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