I feel like I'm a single mom.

Rachelle - posted on 04/18/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I noticed that's an issue with a lot of stay at home moms. But this has been wearing on me.
Even during my pregnancy it seemed like my husband wasn't interested. He'd make an excuse and say he had to be somewhere. I think mostly I just felt like he had other priorities above me and the pregnancy. Even now, with my LO being 5 mo, he shows no interest. I bath her, cloth her, change 95% of her diapers, and he doesn't even play with her. He will hold her a few times a day, but that's about it. He has four kids from his previous marriage, two of which his ex brought from her previous marriage. The two oldest are 16(girl) and 14(boy) and they constantly bully the two little ones, 7(girl) and 10(boy). The youngest girl is clingy and constantly demands attention from her dad, too the point where he has to tell her to go play alone so he can spend time with the others. She tattles and instigates, and gets away with everything. My husband is supposed to only have the two littlest every other weekend, but we have them every day after school. They usually spend the night at least 2-3 days a week, and stay every weekend. We're still paying full child support, even though the children never eat a single meal at the ex's house. She even expects him to pay for the older two, but she won't go after their real dad for child support. The two oldest only come around when they want money. I get so mad that he spends so much time with his two littlest, but barely pays attention to our little girl. We used to travel a lot together, but since we had the baby, he gets too stressed out when we travel with him. One day he was giving me attitude, and I said it felt like he would have rather we didn't have our baby. He basically said that's how he felt. He wants someone to run the roads with him without any extra baggage. I think at one point he was even looking for someone else on craigslist. He forgets he was the one who wanted the baby more than I did at one point. She was unexpected, and he reassured me that everything would be okay. My husband actually seemed excited earlier in the pregnancy. I don't know what happened to change his mind.
Now he's never home, usually gone from half a week to a week. Sometimes he's gone for two. Then he'll come home for two or three days and he's gone again. Then he expects me to be a perfect mom to the kids. Cook, clean, be their best friend. But I'm so over overwhelmed! He forgets I just had my first kid! I don't know how to be a perfect mom! I barely have energy at the end of the day to wash my face and crawl in bed. And the kids have such behavioral problems! Their mother doesn't discipline them AT ALL. Then they come here and expect to be coddled constantly and not get disciplined when they do something wrong. They say I'm mean because I end up being the only one who will say anything to them. I've about had it. I had a good job when I met my husband, I was going to school to get my bachelor's, I had my own place, and my own vehicle. He convinced me we should move two hours from my family so he could be near the kids. Then when I found out I was pregnant, I sold my truck so I could buy the car seat, stroller, and baby bed. I'm unhappy and lonely all the time. And I'm so sorry if this was scattered and long, I just need to vent. I love my baby girl so much, and now I'm financially dependant on my husband. I don't want to leave him, I just want him to realize what I go through.

3 Comments

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Eden - posted on 04/19/2014

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Yea I get that u love him, n hes gotta some issue an n definitely where would u go or how would u care ur daughter n treating to leave u or whatever just like with my guy is wrong, when theres a new baby too think about n no job ur away from home n u dont even have a car! Im sorry hes a bit bratty about money with the baby n yet his previous kids get whatever. I hope he starts to see that shes his new little daughter too n hes her dad too. I never met my own father casue he had four kids already n didnt want another so it makes me sad when I hear about dads not connecting with thier child, even if its thier 11th child, its still thier child! Well u moved away from ur family, have u made any friends around where u r yet? I know it can next to impossible to make friends when ur a new mom tho. Do u mind if I ask how long u guys were together before ur daughter was born? Me n him only a yr n I feel we rushed a bit.

Rachelle - posted on 04/19/2014

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We're definitely in the same boat. He always threatens to leave me if I don't change, then doesn't make an effort to change himself. I mean, he just yelled at me again over the phone(surprise, he's not here) about not having the kids this weekend. They don't want to be here! Sometimes I feel like I am staying for our baby's welfare. Because where will I go? How will I care for her? I don't have a vehicle to go to work anymore. I love my husband to death, but he has a problem being empathetic. And he only started buying recently. We had mostly everything we needed from the baby shower and my friend who had two little girls of her own. He bought an expensive play jumper when I wanted to get a baby carrier so I can actually get things gone around the house. Then he bought a seat for her to sit in and play. He has loosened up about it, but I think it's because his business started to take off and we have more disposable income. But I always feel like there is an issue when I want to buy ANYTHING. He always asks how much things are when I buy myself something, but not when I spend money on his kids! And it's not because he's balancing the account, I do that. But earlier in the week I bought things for Easter baskets for the kids, he didn't ask once how much I spent. But if I would have said I bought myself some shorts, he would have asked how much I spent on them. He also spends money on himself and doesn't think anything of it.

Eden - posted on 04/19/2014

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Oh man, jot such a fun boat ur in. First off good for u being with a man who already had so many kids. Its not really right tho that now those kids seem to take rank of the new baby. Kinda make a me a lil sad to hear that. N to be with him n put up with his problem children is just kudos to u. Then quoting ur job n moving now that I can relate to casue I did the same thing n now im depending on my man (were not married) n we fight n he treats to kick me out but I juat wish I could leave sometimes but nowhere to go, just also had a baby girl. So I also know how much u love me ur baby n now how every choice u make will be for gerr best iinterest, although it may sound like ur things would be easier without ur husbands baggage but I can see how after quitting n moving n selling ur truck for the baby it can feel rough n like ur stuck (btw did he even try to help u buy anything for his child?)

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