I feel lonely

Ena - posted on 06/02/2010 ( 61 moms have responded )

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I know I am not the only one out here. But ever since I had my son I feel lonely like I have no friends.....it's seriously depressing me. Dont get me wrong I LOVE STAYING HOME WITH MY SON...but I really wish there was a friend I would have that would come over hang out talk play. Am I just being immature?

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User - posted on 06/05/2010

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I feel the same way I am a mother of two amazing young men one who will be 4 in September the other who is 14months and another in the oven!! lol I am a stay at home mom and the wife of a deployed soldier over in Afghanistan. I am so thankful for this Family of mine That God Blessed Me With!! However I am so Lonely All the time!! I have know one to come over and talk to or play dates for my kids...I am forgetting how to socialize I feel so stupid all the time...I go to church and dont talk to anyone because I am afraid to now...It use to come so natural to socialize and make friends but anymore I cant.....I wish I knew how to quit feeling this way But i dont I have gotten depressed terribly I get anxiety attachs from having to stay home all the time I have abandonment issues from my husband being away...IDK I feel Like a Fruit Cake!! Unwanted and Weird lol.....And as useless as a white Crayon!

Andrea - posted on 05/05/2011

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thanks ena, ill be sure to add you. Im actually excited that you are being so nice and open to a friendship. There are a lot of times where i need a friend to talk to. Husbands are great and everything but they cant replace friends. Cant always talk to my husband, we dont always see eye to eye, he doesnt understand my whole situation and feelings and talkin to him sometimes makes me feel double alone and stressed.

*Lisa* - posted on 06/03/2010

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Love that little random convo in the middle of this thread haha.
It's normal to feel a little lonely. It's a massive life change from being able to go out whenever you wanted, to now have a little person following you around like a lost puppy! I moved to another country with my son and husband when he was 4 weeks old (my son, not my husband). It was reeaeeally hard being away from family and friends! And still is most days. But I made myself go out and make friends. I'm naturally a shy person but I found that I had to just DO IT and stop sitting around wishing for something that wasn't going to happen. Look around your area for playgroups, go for walks to the park where you are bound to meet people with kids. You can do it :) Loneliness is a killer!

[deleted account]

NOT immature AT ALL! I've gone through the exact same feelings and still do once in a while.....I've found a few local groups to take my daughter to and although I don't necessarily like the gossip and mom bashing I've seen at some, I think they're great for our children and just for us to get out of the house. You should try and tap into your community resources....mention it to your doctor even? I know my doctor suggested some different groups and gave me a list of resources in the community! I don't know ANYONE with a child the same age as my daughter (21 months)....she's usually sees her cousins once a week but they're 6 & 3!

How old is your son? Do you go for walks? Sometimes I would just go to the mall even and walk around inside window shopping....it passe the time are the days where the weather was brutal and all the old people would come up to me and tell me how beautiful my daughter was....always made me smile!

Hang in there, good luck!

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Shannintipton - posted on 08/27/2011

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Hi ladies, this post is sort of old so I am going to close it. But thank you for your response. :)

Catie - posted on 08/26/2011

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Cinth, It is so hard to be a new mom, especially a new SAHM. There are lots of ways to find parents in your same situation as you. Find a local mom's group. MOPS, meetup.com and groups.yahoo.com are great places to start. Especially if you live in a larger city. Live in a small one, and can't find one? Start one. I met some great people that way. Maybe put your child in a Mommy and Me activity and meet friends that way. I know it can be hard, but you can do it. we make lots of sacrifices for our children, but your health and wellness should not be own of them. and if you feel like you can't seem to get a grip on your feelings, even after finding a friend, talk to your doctor. They have a plethora of information and resources for moms just like you.

Best of luck!

Cinth - posted on 08/26/2011

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Hi, Iam in the same situation of looking for friends, my son is 6 years old. Iam marry and I feel like Iam missing a female friend.

Mechelle - posted on 05/07/2011

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I feel the same way. Before I had kids, I had so many friends, and then when I had my first daughter, I didn't want my daughter growing up around them. I felt like they were not good enough with children or were into things that I didn't want my child around. Now, I have 2 children and I have one person other than my fiance and family that I talk to. It gets very lonely, and even now, no one comes to visit me because I live an hour away. I am the one that has to go visit my family and one friend. I would like to make friends, but from being home for almost 3 years, I feel I have lost my social skills. I also love being home with my children and love that I am able to be home with them instead of having to work. But an adult friend and time away from my kids once in awhile would be nice....

Stifler's - posted on 05/04/2011

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No. Everyone needs friends. I love playgroup for that, the kids run off and play and we all chat and eat brownies and drink coffee.

Susanne - posted on 05/03/2011

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no I understand what you mean I have 7 month old twins and a 6yr old going on 16 I dont go anywhere nor do I talk to anyone now days I think you r suppost to tell your life on facebook but I dont even have time for that ,where do you live I live in cinn oh not on here often but if u ever need someone to talk to u can email me

Melissa - posted on 05/03/2011

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no0 hun i dont havefriends either my husband works and i feel alone to its not being immutre alot of ur old freinds that where freinds think well u have a kid now u dont got time for us anymore u know i consider my husband my bestfreind and my lover i never had freinds either after i had kids and got married u have a resposiblity and some girls dont so ur not alone i feel the same i dont got freinds either but i dont really trust people so its hard for me i got my sisters that come visit me :)

Ena - posted on 05/03/2011

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Oh my goodness Andrea.... That is exactly how I feel! =0( I think with me I also feel that some of the mom's I have met are to "upity" for me. Im not super classy. I don't have a lot of money to go out and do things as often as them (which is why I stopped going to the mom group i had joined I just didn't fit in) Im not as thin as them so I get looked at funny. GRR it's really frustrating. I was getting more depressed going to those groups than I was staying at home. THE whole work situation was exactly how it was with me too. And the very few friends I had outside of work disappeared too.
Just recently I seem to have found one mom(who actually happens to be my husbands brothers ex girlfriend) who has 2 little girls 3 yrs and one is 9 months. We hit it off pretty good. I think she was sent to me from God. She understands me she's got a lot in common with me but it's different enough that we don't clash! We see each other every Wed with the kids. It's really nice. Even my husband commented on how not as depressed I was since we have started to hang out.
So I guess I just want to say if you need someone to talk to (because I doubt you are from near where I am) You can find me on facebook! http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/profile.php?id=764673918&sk=info erin13abet@hotmail.com< that's my email Or even text me when you want someone to talk to. (518)210-2082

Andrea - posted on 05/03/2011

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Your not the only one, I feel exact same way. My son just turned 2, and for two years i've felt isolated and up to neck in stress. Not so easy feeling alone when you have such a big responsibility. Most friends I made were from work and when i stoped working, I lost contact with most people i socialized with. Leaving me isolated and having no friends to talk to and worse, have no friends that have kids who can interact with my son as well. I feel we are both suffering socially and we have little money to do "fun" things. I don't know where to turn. I feel I need to find a few friends asap, but I dont know where to look and i dont want to come off desperate :(

Christian - posted on 06/08/2010

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I feel the same way, i have a little boy that just turned 4 months, im a navy wife and we are stationed in hawaii for now, i have a few friends here but most have stopped talking to me since i've had my son. I have been told to find a playgroup here but have heard negative things about the groups, so i am a little skeptical.

Ena - posted on 06/08/2010

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Seriously....I dont hear from anyone I knew before. They were all up my butt n happy when I was preg. But now no one even texts me anymore. I wonder if they think we should be left alone to get the hang of the baby... who knows. =0( IM going on my first play date today....infact in a bout 5 min. I hope they arnt stuck up. That scares me.

Andrea - posted on 06/07/2010

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I understand how you feel. Your not a lone. There are many of us that feel the same way. No your not immature. We moved to va beach last year. I only have like 4 friends here. None of my friends come and visit. I am a navy wife and a stay at home mother of 6. I love all my kids very much, but I do miss having friends and going out without the kids every once in a while. The only time I get out without the kids is food shopping in which I always have at least one child. I just started taking classes online. Try to join a moms group. They have the play date ones and the stroller fitness ones also. Hope everything gets better with you

CARRIE - posted on 06/06/2010

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...........And Laura Beth I feel the same way. I think I have lost all social skills. i don't even know how to make friend's anymore. Of course with or without children I think that is something that happens to a lot of people as they get older.

CARRIE - posted on 06/06/2010

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I fell like when you have a baby everyone just disappears. It's like you suddenly have the plague or something. Even the ones with older kids stop coming around. What happened to just hanging out at the house with someone. Why is it that these days all anyone wants to do is go out?

Sophie - posted on 06/06/2010

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Tell me about it, for a while ii thought i was having a depression.
I feel the same, got pregnant in 2008, moved from Paris, to northern ireland, left my job, my house, family and friends, to be with my partner, and start a new family life, but i feel awfuly lonely sometimes, so when it start to be too much i just sit and cry, till i get it all out, well for few days. i don't know people here, tried to go to a baby class thing, where babies can play and learn things, but gave up after 2 classes, the mother were really B with each others, pointing on every little things about the other babies progress or clothes, too little for me i hate that and don't do it, for me everybody have the right to dress or live the way they want. so here i'm lonely again, get to know another mom, but she works and doesn't have the same life rootine so we don't see or talk to each other often. Anyway still lonely, hopefully it wont last orever. lol

Ruth - posted on 06/05/2010

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I so know what you mean I have two boy's and no friends and it bites, I have my Hubby as well but I guess that's just not the same as some female friends, I would love too have some friend that had kids around the same age as mine.....Im with ya sister, Cheer up though it will get better.

Anna-marie - posted on 06/05/2010

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Its perfectly normal..
life changes so much.
I moved out to Australia from England, so i know what you mean. i have no real friends here, not like back home and there are days i feel so alone.
I have just made the effort to go to mother and baby groups that way, i'm meeting like minded women.
We even go out once a month without the babies and go and have a meal and NOT talk ''baby talk''.
but we get together once a week with the babies and have a chat about things.
hope this kind of helps.. it was a huge adjustment for me too, so i know exactly how you feel!!
good luck xxx

Patti - posted on 06/05/2010

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Good luck with your playdate ;)
Laura< I think me and you are in the same boat. haha. I feel like ive lost all social skills as well.

Ena - posted on 06/05/2010

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Exactly Patti. I have found a play group in my area. My first date is Tues.... I will let you all know how it went....im scared. I hope they arnt like snobby or judgmental though. Im scared of that. =0( IM shy.

Patti - posted on 06/05/2010

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WOW.. i feel the same as you hon.. i dont think its immature at all.. ive tried to get myself into playgroups but i guess its kinda hard when you dont have a car.. i really feel your pain tho.. sometimes its just nice to get a phone call from a supposed friend but thats too hard of a concept to grasp onto i suppose.. "sigh"

Gina - posted on 06/05/2010

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I also enjoy the internet community I have found. It takes the edge off my loneliness when I can't get out, and it helps to just tell people I'm lonely or depressed. Funny how when I talk about it, it slowly goes away and I can enjoy life again :) I thik all mothers go through it and some more than others. I went through a bad spout of Post Pardum Depression with my first two and didn't realize it until the second. But when I actually started being honest with people and saying how I felt to those I knew wouldn't judge me, I started to feel better. Getting out of the house is definitely a good idea! I like to get away to Starbucks every now and then for a ME treat.

Ena - posted on 06/04/2010

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I just checked it out earlier.....im waiting for a reply with one in my area. =0)

Brianna - posted on 06/04/2010

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Ena, Have you tried meetup.com , it has tons of different interest groups and you can search by location or interest. Most are free to join or very cheap ie $10-25 a year.

Brianna - posted on 06/04/2010

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@Shannon: Where in AZ do you live? Bookman's is an AZ chain so i was just curious, love that store!!

Lisa - posted on 06/04/2010

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Have you ever checked into a MOPS group? I met my closest friends there 10 years ago where we started a playgroup, and we still get together.

Ena - posted on 06/04/2010

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You guys have made me feel so much better. I want to thank you all sooo much. I am trying to look into things. My only issue is that since I quit my job we have a lot less money to go around. I barely have spending money. But my Albanian husband is ATTAMENT about me doing what is best (which I agree) is staying home and being the one to raise our baby no matter what the struggle. THANK YOU ALL SOO MUCH I HOPE we all get to continue to talk. It makes me feel better when I get on here and see others stories. Wish you all lived near me lol...

Amy - posted on 06/04/2010

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No, you're not being immature. Not at all.. I felt the same way when I had my 1st baby. Even cried so often feeling left alone... I had c-section by the way and healing was abit slower, that added to my boredom and loneliness. Then my hubby told me to call some friends, go walk or go to the store. I was kind a shy at first calling old friends coz most of them dont have a baby yet. But soon enough we got closer and started meeting at each other's house. They even take turns holding my baby (: I know it's seems hard but find a will to do something fun to divert your emotion.. Take care and good luck. :p

Nicole - posted on 06/04/2010

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My town has a Newcomers and Neighbors Club. Call your town/borough office and see if your town has one. The weather is warmer now so head over to the park maybe you could meet someone their they may have a toddler and a baby. Good luck and hang in there it does get better.

Catie - posted on 06/03/2010

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This is such a valid feeling! You should never diminish your own feelings. Feeling alone is so normal to being a new mother, we feel trapped, and miss adult conversation. Join a mom's group in your area, they are easy to find! That was my saving grace! My husband and I recently moved to a new city, where we knew absolutely no one, and my mom's group has been an amazing support system!

meetup.com and groups.yahoo.com are great sites to find groups in your area!

Tiziana - posted on 06/03/2010

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I know how you feel, I'm having the same issue here. I quit my job and we moved before my baby was born, and now I find myself in much smaller living space that I was used to, bad weather (moved from Florida to Illinois), no friends and worst of all no car. I try to remind myself that my baby is the only important thing. Giving up all I had before is what makes it possible for me to spend every minute with him, otherwise I would have had to keep working. Some days it's really hard, I get really lonely, but a big smile from my baby makes it all better.

Jane - posted on 06/03/2010

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find a sahm mom group to join or start one. go thru the library or a church. if you Google your town+sahm, you may find something.

Ena - posted on 06/03/2010

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i am already on meds for the post pardam. im just lonely in the friendship area of life since i quit my job.....sigh

Jess - posted on 06/03/2010

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No you are not being immature! A lot of mothers, including myself, have gone through this. The best thing you can do is reach out to other mothers in your community. Find playdates, join a mommy/baby exercise group, etc because your kids are never too young to meet new people. Make sure you are in touch with your family, if they that is a healthy situation. Sometimes just talking to your mom/grandma/sister/motherinlaw about the baby, or whatever, can really help. The point is that you get around other people to make yourself feel better. If the feelings get worse go to the doctor immediately! You could have signs of post preg. depression. Good luck hon!

Brittany - posted on 06/03/2010

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I feel the same way. Where i am right now, there are tons of places to go and be with people with children. But in a month, I am moving back to my hubby's hometown. I lived there when he was out to sea for about 7 mths with the LO and it's so depressing. It's small enough that finding other parents is hard, specially since english really isn't a first language there.

Shannon - posted on 06/03/2010

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I found playgroups at our local library and at a bookstore called Bookman's. Oh, and coffee at Starbucks would cheer up anybody! One other thing to think about is, if you just had your baby 3 months ago you may have a little postpartum depression. Mention it to your Dr. I went through this with 3 of my 4 kids. Google it and see if you have symptoms. Don't forget your body has been adjusting and changing for about a year now. Especially if you are nursing your baby. Hang in there, it will get better. Just remember to take care of yourself. Go out on a date or get a pedicure! Better yet, hug your boy. He will be giving you full belly giggles in no time. Who could feel down with that?

Sarah - posted on 06/03/2010

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I feel the same way, I don't have any friends since I quit my job. I am thinking about a playgroup but dont really know how to get started.

[deleted account]

Where do you live? I just went online and googled " playgroups in Abbotsford, BC, Canada "......

Lisa-Marie - posted on 06/03/2010

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I started taking my 3 month old to a playgroup and loved it. Everyone who goes there felt lonely at some stage and it is really nice to have a chat to people who completely understand where you are coming from. You can find playgroups on line or ask your doctor. Give it a go - if you don't like it then you just don't go again - but I am sure you will make some new friends.

*Lisa* - posted on 06/03/2010

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Oh and do you have a starbucks nearby? I go on coffee dates with my 9 month old frequently ;)

Catherine - posted on 06/02/2010

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felt the same way before too!!i started tat way since got married..coz i wasn`t local n all my friends r from college.since i was married i felt lonely coz all friends r still studying n only me doing nothing..then i started doing some handcrafts..it helps me pasts time..till now now im still doing n i even got into business!!can try do something tat u r interested which u can do at home n time free!!

good luck!!=)

Ena - posted on 06/02/2010

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My son is 3 months...he is my first. I have/had a best friend but dont get to see her much. And I know it's not because I have had a baby and she still has not. Because she is hanging out all the time with this other lady that just had twin girls a month before my Benjamin. AND I FEEL SOOOO IMMATURE being like this but it drives me crazy. I feel soo like i said lonely. I dont know where/how to find play groups and do they even do them for 3 month olds? sigh...i feel like im 13 again.

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