I hate myself.

Rachel - posted on 10/22/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )

77

17

8

I don't know what is happening to me all of a sudden. To be honest with you, ever since Brett Favre cheated on his wife... I haven't been able to like myself at all because all I worry about is how I look and that if I'm not hot enough my husband will cheat on me... or worse, leave me. (By the way, my husband idolizes Brett Favre)

I am a mother of 15 month old twin boys and I feel like a orca whale. I weigh more than I did when I was 9 months pregnant.. And all I want to do is lose weight. I just want to look good.

I know I probably sound crazy, but I know I am overweight and I know I have to work out, diet... all that, and I just got a gym key today and I am working on dieting... but I just can't find it in me to like who I am at all.

I keep crying... I keep dwelling...

Even worse... my husband's father said while I was 9 months pregnant: "Why would my son ever want to sleep with a woman that fat... that's gross... yatta yatta".... And now.. I am bigger than that... and my father in law is coming over this Sunday... and all I can think about is how now he is going to think worse and I've almost convinced myself that it's true... Why would he want to sleep with someone that looks like me.. when he could have someone thinner.

My husband reassures me all the time that he loves my body and all that... but I wouldn't.. I wouldn't want to be near this body... It's lumpy... it's big... I just don't know how to deal with this emotionally and everyone I ask keeps saying.. "you're going to have to get over it"... "just love who you are"... and that's not helping me at all... it's making me feel more alone.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Chantal - posted on 10/25/2010

41

15

7

I know a lot of us can relate to what you are expressing. Please try not to be so hard on yourself. Trust what your husband tells you and ignore all negative comments. If you feel hungry not at a meal time try drinking a glass of water and see if that holds you off. Try using a smaller plate for your meals instead of a large dinner plate and keeps lots of veggies cut up in the fridge so if you want to snack you can grab some quickly. As for exercise, doing something you like and make it fun but start slow and give yourself smaller goals and every time you reach a goal reward yourself with something like a manicure or a new scarf... etc. It is important to stay positive. The more you beat yourself up the harder it will be to find the motivation to change. Those beautiful boys of yours need a happy mommy!

Charity - posted on 10/23/2010

100

25

6

I totaly understand where you are coming from! It's very tough seeing the flabby after pregnancy body when I look in the mirror! Weight issues run in my family, so I will share what I have learned from my mom, sister, and cousins.

It doesn't matter what your father-in-law thinks, he sounds like a cruel jerk. If your husband says he loves you, and your body, hold onto that and don't let go! Personally, I don't believe in dieting, when you focus on food and deny yourself things, it only makes you feel worse! Focus on eating only when you are PHYSICALLY hungry, as in stomach growling. Then only eat until you are no longer hungry, not until you fell full. Your body will tell you how much food you need. Try to eat healthy, but allow yourself to be human and have occasional treats. (For instance, a bite or two of chocolate cake when you are craving that will satisfy the craving, Deny yourself the cake, and you will eat three times as much trying to satisfy the craving with "healthy" food!) Try not to eat while reading/watching TV etc. Try to be mindful of what you eat, enjoy each bite fully, and think about the process, you will enjoy your food more, and do less mindless shoveling in of food. I find that If I want to eat while watching TV, I put my alloted portion on a plate and do not refill the plate unless I am still hungry 20 min later. That gives my stomach time to realize that I have eaten. Exersise is good, but you need to find an activity that you enjoy, not just work, or you will find it impossible to stick to and quit, then that will be one more thing that you beat yourself up over. Try Zumba if you like to dance, you can find some videos on you tube and follow along in your own home for free, if you love it, then you can join a class!

Give yourself a break, and treat yourself the way you would treat your sons if they were trying to loose weight, or your husband if he was. Good luck!

Jennifer - posted on 10/23/2010

1,431

1

298

It's really hard to get used to your "new" body after being pregnant. Especiallly when you've carried twins and had to take care of twin infants. Think about all your body has done. It has given life to two incredibly wonderful human beings, and has stayed up with them all night, and has taught them to love and trust. You are only looking in the mirror, and not at the incredible miracle that has happened. Our bodies weren't made to fit into a certain size jeans, they were made to give life! When your husband looks at you, it isn't just because of lust, it is because of the love he feels for you and the amazing gifts you have given him. He sees you in a whole new light, and that light is so much stronger and brighter. There is nothing wrong with wanting to lose weight to be healthy, and to have more energy, but don't let wanting to look good naked be your only motivation, because that will only cause you to fail and make you feel worse about yourself.

Alice - posted on 10/23/2010

402

18

79

Rachel,
Unfortunately, there are rude people in this world. I so know what you mean about the emotional part. I was the "smart one" in my family and my dad had such plans for me. I was rational and clear-thinking... never been on a single date until I went out with Louis (I was 19 & he would become my husband). In 5 months we were married & 11 months later we had Christina... my dad was so dissapointed. It got to the point he wanted to know when I was "coming back to my sanity" and divorcing Louis.
Yikes! Plus, your hormones are settling down after pregnancy (my dad did this emotional baloney all while I was pregnant & I didn't understand all the weird new feelings - I never cried, now I cried over anything).
I couldn't do the gym (too far, we only had one car, and finances) but found a program that came with a personal online trainer! It was awesome and I started feeling better about myself and actually love my body again!!! :) I encourage you to find something... anything (even if you do it yourself with a home workout) - once you start improving you will begin to take pride in that and it will help you all over!! :)
I'm praying for you and hope you find something you can stick to - it really will help when you feel you are accomplishing something! :) And ignore your father in law... he's just being rude.
~Hope this helps!

Claire - posted on 10/22/2010

118

10

11

I have found myself thinking the same things. I brought a lot of disappointment to myself and my family and all the people around me when I got pregnant at 18.

You have to learn to love yourself and let go of what others think of you. Love what you are and don't think about what you're not. It sounds simple, but it's an everyday challenge for me, too.

I love my fiancee and used to freak out about him cheating and I would check up on him, but that just made things worse. He was hurt that I didn't trust him. I really had to let go of all those things because it wanted to trust him and I wanted to be attractive to him. Trusting your partner is pretty attractive, actually.

If the weight thing still bothers you, then do something about it.. sooner rather than later. Ths is your life so don't waste a day thinking about what you COULD be- DO IT! Make it happen! There are just so many people out there with successful weight-loss stories. I know you can be one of them if you really want it. Post mantras on your walls and mirrors. Get a sitter for an hour a day and take some "you-time" at the gym. You will feel a thousand times better. You can do it!!! And you're worth it.

7 Comments

View replies by

Wendy - posted on 07/29/2013

21

8

2

Take it from someone who is overweight and has had self esteem issues... you need to take it easy on yourself you are your worst critic. Every time you look in a mirror tell yourself your beautiful. Every time you make a good choice with eating right then praise yourself. If you cant workout watch what you eat, park farther away and walk. Do these little things for yourself and over time you will feel better. Also talk to your husband about this because my husband says i never look more beautiful then when i was holding a baby. Your husband loves you believe him when he complements you.
who cares what other people think if your husband thinks your beautiful then thats all that matters.

Rachel - posted on 10/22/2010

77

17

8

Thank you Claire. It is a challenge, but I have to do it. You are right... I just wish it didn't get this bad, because now I am going to have to bust my bum to get right and it's going to take awhile.
I really really appreciate your words!

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms