I have a little bit of a problem with my 9 month old boy......

Cindy - posted on 04/13/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )

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Ok so, I am a stay at home mom and so I watch and take care of my son all day everyday. And well here's the thing, whenever I go to make myself something to eat after I feed my son and make sure he's all good and happy so that way I can eat in peace he will see me bring the food out reach out for it as though he's thinks it's for him (by the way he does this with everything) he thinks its for him and when he see's me take it for myself and eat it he right away gets upset and starts throwing a tantrum and it's like if i just ignore him and let him throw his tantrum he wont stop he'll get worse and cry even harder, and it's so darn annoying because I just want to eat!

I've tried everything to keep him occupied while i eat or give him his most favorite toys to play with and nothing works. He always see's me and throws a fit.

Not only that but also I have a hard time throughout the day walking back and forth doing housework. This is what happens, I set him in his high chair with as many toys that will fit on the tray for him to play with I also make sure he's well fed and changed and all that, and so I'll start cleaning and doing things and everytime I walk past him he reaches out for me and wants me to pick him up.......and then before I know it like 5 minutes later he is completely freaking out everytime I go out of his sight, sometimes even if I go more than 5 feet away from him (no exaggeration) he will completely freak out and wont stop and cry harder and harder and wont stop for nothing.

It's insane! And me and my husband seriously sometimes walk on eggshells, we are always trying to sneak away from him (the baby) without him noticing, like one of us will distract him while one of us goes and sneaks off and runs to the bathroom or goes into another room.

But it's just rididculous!! I am seriously completely tired of our son running usin this way, I've been doing this for 5-6 months now, the first 4 months he didn't really do it! ALL I WANNA DO IS JUST BE ABLE TO WALK AWAY WITH OUT HIM FREAKING OUT THINKING I'M LEAVING HIM FOREVER OR SOMETHING. I mean I can hardly do anything anymore, I've been falling behind on the housework, the living room and bedrooms are a huge mess. The bathrooms need cleaned. I dont get to shower every often (yes i know what you're thinking: "ewwwww") lol.

I know some of you will just say "Welcom to motherhood!" .......Lol But trust me i've already been welcomed. This is just something I truely want and need advice and help on.

Ok so I'm writing a novel now! Uggh!

Well seriously though I really really need advice as to what to do! Please Moms help me! :)

13 Comments

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Brennis - posted on 04/14/2010

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Well they gave good advice on the food, and letting your little one run around.

Here is my advice on walking away. Mine did something similar. I found that talking or singing out loud seems to help. I guess it let my little one know where i was, and so she wasn't as "afraid" when i left. Also, while she is on the floor, she can move to where she can see me.

Samantha - posted on 04/14/2010

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O.K i know he's only 9 months old but you must be so fed up of this i went through this with my second and i gotta say he's still a tiny bit like this and you proberly don't want to hear this in my experience theres nothing you can do to make much difference. Out of curiosity what times does he nap cause with the food issue if you could change his nap time to say 1pm you could at least grab some lunch whilst he sleeps also as soon as he can feed himself you can lunch together and he won't think he's missing out.
My second child is now 3 and well and truefully a 'mummy's boy' good luck and i know it can be frustrating i really hope you manage to over come this problem as i know just how tiring it can be.

Jessica - posted on 04/14/2010

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That can be a tough age. My son is 10 months and often does the same things. Try to keep in mind that he's behaving perfectly NORMAL, he isn't spoiled or anything like that.

For eating- try eating with him, instead of feeding him his food first and then trying to eat in front of him. This is a fine time to start including them in meals- they want to eat what you're eating and do what you are doing. My son will do the SAME THING if I try to eat in front of him- he'll want it too and will throw fits. So I make us meals and we eat at the same time, and I make myself something I can share with him so he feels included and happy.

As for wanting to be picked up all the time- separation anxiety! Totally normal. I don't know if this would work for you, but I too am a stay at home mom and I don't even bother trying to do housework while he is awake. I do everything while he takes naps. Is that a possibility for you, does he nap well? Sometimes I can stick him in his high chair for short amounts of time to do something real quick, but for the most part I wait until he's asleep or DF is home and can help entertain him. It makes it a lot less stressful.

Hopefully this will just be a short phase for him! My main advice is, try to include him in as much stuff as possible for now. Obviously there are times throughout the day when you'll need to put him in his high chair or crib or something to do something, that can't be helped.

Pamela - posted on 04/14/2010

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My daughter is the exact same way. I actually went and saw a child pychologist to try to educate myself on how to deal with a high needs baby. It really helped. I have been doing some of the things he told me to do, and I see a big difference already. It also helps my daughter (who just turned 10 months) is walking now. she can follow me around, instead of just crying.
My doctor told me the most important thing I needed to do with my daughter is let her fuss a little. If all of her needs have been met, meaning...I know she isn't wet, hungry, or tired, I will let her be upset. Thye other day I took a shower without her crying the whole time! She used to throw a fit! I surround her with toys before I get in the shower, and if she cries, I let her. She slowly started to realize that she could intertain herself for a few minutes while mommy showered.
Also, my daughter never liked to be left in a chair, try leaving him on the floor. Good luck and hang in there. High needs babies are hard. Just remember, that by letting him be a little bit uncomfortable now (meaning...letting him fuss once in awhile) will greatly help him out in the long run.

Madeleine - posted on 04/14/2010

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you've already been given some great advice here. (ala Jodi and Nicola, esp.)

my son was exceedingly clingy for the first year, until i said enough. i love him to the ends of the earth, and we show him tons of affection, but everybody needs space and personal time, including children.

i was doing separate meals, and having the same problem with grabby baby hands. Eat Together. it's a little harder to prepare both meals at the same time, but will get easier as you get the hang of it and you start eating the same things. my son eats fundamentally the same meals as us at 18 months, and has been doing so since about 11 months. he's getting better about sitting in his highchair until we are done eating as well, but everything takes time. it's all a learning process and patience will pay off.

as far as the tantrums when you are absent goes, remember this - object permanence is a hard concept for kids to learn. when mommy leaves (to go to the bathroom, to run to the grocery store, or when she drops you off at school) she will be back. playing peek-a-boo is a key game that helps teach this concept.

maybe try involving your son with some chores, give him a clean dust rag to play with, try and pick up toys with him helping (i know he's still young, but he can grasp and throw probably) sing songs or narrate your actions in a silly voice. this way he feels involved and like you're playing with him.

if he cries and screams still, Let Him, as long as he is not hurting himself (on the floor is better than in the highchair - he probably feels tied up.) even if he sounds terrible, coughing and choking, he'll only learn to stop if it gets no attention or reaction. (it took forever for my son to realize this, but the pay-off for everyone is great.) i can do a quick pick-up or some dishes while he is occupied (@ 15 minutes here and there), or he plays with one of us while the other cleans more thoroughly or does laundry. i still only shower after he goes to bed, so i can actually take a nice long shower.

anyway, that's enough out of me. lol.


good luck! and stay strong!

Nicola - posted on 04/13/2010

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My son is 13 months old, and always wants what I eat too. He could have just eaten, and if I sit there with him, he still wants what I have. Usually, I will give him just a little bit so I can eat. I have found this to actually be a bit of a diet, as i don't get ot eat as much anymore! At dinner, he eats first as we eat at a later hour. he then eats again with us, whatever it is we are eating. that way, he eats what we eat and doesn't complain. Same thing though. If I don't give him any of my food, he starts throwing a tantrum, climbing all over me, yelling, and grunting (he doesn't talk just yet!). As far as cleaning, I try and do what I can when he naps. I shower when he naps as weel, or at the end of the day when he goes to bed. Its just much easier that way.

Kelina - posted on 04/13/2010

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I agree with Jodi, don't try and sneak off and eat with your son! How old is he btw? it sounds like he's about 9-10 months? He's old enough that he can be on solod foods for three meals a day. My son always wants my food too so I solved the probem by eating the same things as him. He sees that he has the same things that are on mommy's plate and he's happy. I also take my son out of his highchair as soon as he's done eatingand let hgim play with his toys. If he's crawling then he can follow you from room to room and he'll eventually realize that you're not disappearing you're still there. I also agree with claire try playing peekaboo to let him know that you're still there. That always helped when we were leaving him with a sitter. He'd see me pop up and be all excited and think I was just on the other side of the wall waiting to play peekaboo and he was fine. Otherwise I can't even leave him with his dad without him bawling for a good 10-15 minutes. make sure that whatever method you try, try it consistently for a few weeks. If you keep switching methods it will get worse because you're son won't understand. Good luck!

Claire - posted on 04/13/2010

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hi my 8 month does that every time you walk away she cries. i can't do anything unless i am in the same room as her. i can do the house work though i have found that if i give her a wipe to chew on (i know sounds disgusting, but it works for me) she is content and watches. as for the room to room thing......jasmine loves watching waybaloo so i run out of the room when she watches it. she soon forgets that she has to cry. she gets into the thing of crying too much and starts sounding as though she is about to be sick. i ignore that she is learning slowly that it will not work.
when you go out of the room talk to him it seems to work at the moment here. then just poke your head round and try making him laugh and make it abit longer day by day. i got told it by the health visitor. it does work. try it and let me know how you get on please. oh and try not to make a fuss about it.
hope this works. good luck.

Amy - posted on 04/13/2010

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I would encourage you as the others have to eat at the same time. that is what has helped me with my son, and he is almost 11 months. As for the shower and house work, with my house work I let him follow me around. Make sure you have toys in the rooms you are going so he stays out of trouble... When I am in the kitchen my son has a shelf with tuperware and measuring cups and stuff. He knows that is his, and it keeps him busy long enough that I can get a few things done. With the shower, I still have that problem, but try doing it during the nap, or after he goes to bed at night. I would also check out the 'high needs' thing. it is possible and once you know then you can go about working with it. Hope this helps. Good luck and know that you aren't alone!

Jessica - posted on 04/13/2010

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This is hard, but try giving him more independence... instead of putting him in the high chair with toys, try a play pen or even the middle of the floor. Most important, don't sneak away. It sounds harsh, but if he sees you leave and then sees you come back, he will eventually realize that you are not leaving forever :) Its called separation anxiety and some kids get it much worse than others but the best thing you can do to help him over come it, is be away from him more. Even if you have to wean him into it... for example, when your husband or someone else you trust to keep him safe is home, you leave the room for 1 minute then come back... be sure to tell him bye and be really excited to see him when you come back... when he doesn't cry anymore when you leave, praise him... continue this and increase the time you are away until you can leave without a fit and you can stay gone for periods of 5-10 minutes, this will ease him in to the day you want to get a sitter :) Good luck I know its hard, my son had separation anxiety too, not quite so bad, but its still hard. As for eating, the only thing I can suggest is eating together, make your meal ahead of time and eat while he eats, if he's not already on table food, he soon will be and you can just sit with him and eat together. good luck!

Jodi - posted on 04/13/2010

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I would try eating WITH your child instead of doing two seperate meals times. Not only will your son see your healthy eating habits (or so I hope anyways) as you eat but he'll get to enjoy the meal with you!

Secondly, don't sneak off!!!! Say in a confident voice, "Mommy's going to the bathroom, be right back." (or wherever it is you're going) Then go, don't say sorry or draw it out, just make it matter of fact that you're going and you'll be back. It will take time, but eventually he'll figure out that Mommy and Daddy DO come back.

Good luck.

Lupita - posted on 04/13/2010

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My daughter did the samething when she was about 7 months old and what i started doing is making both me and her something to eat and eating with her. It really helped out alot she ate her food and let me eat mines. Also when it came to doing house work or showering what i would do is put her on the floor or in the walker and do as much house work i could do before she started throwing a tantrum. Then i would sit her in her high chair with a snack and do more housework. When it came to me showering i had to take her in the bathroom with me sometimes but for the most part i did that when she was napping it was alot easier. So as soon as she went down for a nap i jumped in the shower. I hope this helps. Good luck.

Tara - posted on 04/13/2010

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I'm going through the same thing with my 8 month old daughter. I completely spoiled my son who is 19 months now, and still won't let me eat in peace. He could have just ate and still wants my food. If I have something to drink he wants what I have in my cup or he'll throw a temper tantrum. He's walking so if I walk out of a room he will follow me from room to room. My daughter on the hand isn't mobile yet, and as soon as she sees that I'm walking away from her she begins to scream and cry as hard as she can. I was told it's separation anxiety, but it is quite annoying. We aren't living in a big place yet, so I can get most of my cleaning done while the kids nap, which is becoming more difficult, because they aren't napping at the same time anymore. I've tried everything to get her to calm down, but nothing works until I pick her up. She's not like that with her father, just with me. I think it may be because I am a stay at home mom, she's always with me and I provide just about all of her care. It can make you very stressed, which I learned very quickly. I'm not sure how to fix this problem, the doctor's say that it's separation anxiety and that they will grow out of it, which I still haven't found is true. Like I said my son is 19 months and his separation anxiety started at about 7 months, and he still hasn't outgrown it. I can't get a babysitter because he won't stay with anyone but my husband or me. My daughter will stay with other people, but she is what is called a "high needs" child, meaning that she needs more attention and love than another child. And your son may have this as well. I had never heard of it before until I read it in a parents magazine. After that I researched and found out that my daughter is definitely a "high needs" child. It's nothing bad, just means that the child requires more attention and close contact than another child may need. But I definitely understand where you are coming from, it is very difficult and stressful. Good luck

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