I have been a STAY AT HOME MOM for 39 years. What do you find the most difficult thing about staying home with children?

Kay - posted on 12/04/2011 ( 23 moms have responded )

102

0

22

I would love to offer encouragement young Moms! What do you find most difficult about staying home with children ?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Darlene - posted on 12/07/2011

88

6

1

Kenneka, I hope you don't mind if I add to your post. I read what you wrote and oh my goodness, how fortunate are you! Your baby girl is just beautiful and you sound so sweet. Don't beaat yourself up, it gets better. I was 44 when my daughter came into my life and I had my career set in stone, I worked the dental field for many years and loved what I did, after my daughter turned 9 months old, I left my job because I did not want anyone else raising her. That was by for the best decision I ever made. It is always rough at first from what I have been told and learned on my own, but Kay gave both of us some wonderful advice. Hang in there, I am sure you will do great and your daughter will always remember what you did for her.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

23 Comments

View replies by

Kay - posted on 12/07/2011

102

0

22

Emma, I forgot to ask...what country do you live in if it ok to ask. You mentioned km so know that it is not the USA. I live in California.

Kay - posted on 12/07/2011

102

0

22

Congrats on having 2 beautiful children. You have one of the hardest assignments with a 2 year old and a 6 mo.old. One is all go and he is learning the word no. The other is a baby that requires a lot of attention. It will get better. Hang in there. Your son was only 18 mo. when your 2nd was born. That makes me tired just thinking about it. Don't be hard on yourself.Try and play with them as much as possible. Build a tall tower and let your son knock it over. The baby will think is is really funny. Read books to them. Two year old love hide and seek. The baby will love peek a boo. There are good children tv shows that you can watch together.Take walks to find new things.Enjoy each day and have fun making memories. I do that now with my 5 grandchildren 10,6,4,4, and 6 mo. Vein a Grandmother is so much easier than being a Mom.It is a good thing too because I sure move a lot slower now! Best wishes.

Stifler's - posted on 12/07/2011

15,141

154

604

nearly 2 and 6 months :) lol i don't know i have no motivation to do anything. i just let him play outside and watch and spray him with the hose. they have started playing together and i ahve started to read books again so i guess lif isn't so bad. i just get frustrated that i cant have the things i want.

Kay - posted on 12/07/2011

102

0

22

Emma, How old is your child ( children). Since going to the university is not possible right now..how about working from your home? Many Moms do this..Check out the groups here for ideas. What do you do with the children that you enjoy the most during the day?

Kay - posted on 12/07/2011

102

0

22

Great ways to save money,Darlene! One trick I used that I haven't heard anyone talk about using powdered milk. I mixed it with equal parts of 2% milk and the kids never knew the difference. Be sure to read the label to make sure it meets all the nutritional requirements for your family. Mix to your own tastes. I also made up my menu for the week using the grocery store flyer of what meat was on sale. I then made up my grocery list and checked my coupon box for matches.Prepared,processed food is the most expensive and has lots of preservatives.(this is the whole center section of the store). If you are a small family try getting a friend of two to split the huge bags of potatos, carrots,fruit etc and divide up the cost. You can save a lot this way. Concerning cleaning, I made a list of the 12 jobs needed to clean my house. To start, do a weekly cleaning then just pick one thing from your list to do each day. Today I just cleaned all the glass in the house (not windows!) Of course, you straighten up everyday and remove trash. Try this and you will always have a clean house, just not all clean at the same time! There is another list of 8 things that I do semi yearly or yearly. For most Moms, cleaning is their least favorite job and the one that they never seem to have time for. I think it is because it is hard work! Not with the 1job a day method ! It gives you peace of mind and a sweet disposition for sure! Then you will have more time to play with the kids. You are great to can. We all have our strengths and weaknesses . It is important to admit them. I can't CAN. Make it a great day.

Stifler's - posted on 12/07/2011

15,141

154

604

I need to move 600km to live near my mother in law so I can do uni and she can watch the kid odd hours like 6-2 2-10 and 10-6. Even then it's too expensive with other bills we have.

Darlene - posted on 12/07/2011

88

6

1

Great Advice! Thank you. I like the idea of the 3 lists, treating home school like a job and organization. I try to be as organized but it does not always work out the way I want.

I have actually started making most of my own foods such as Chocolate syrup...using way less sugar and no preservatives, BBQ sauce, snacks for the children, Salsa from my garden vegetables, Spagetti sauce, canning all I can, reusing as much as possible. Someone sent an e-mail to me that was called "The awsome cookbook" it has so many recipies to make most of the restaurant foods and things like "sour cream, mayo, bisquick, cream cheese, gatorade, magic shell Ice cream topping, nutri-grain bars and so much more. I found a book called "America's most wanted recipies" it is much like the e-mail I had gotten, awsome book. I love to cook and make good foods for my family, I think at times it is more of a therapy for me after a long day with children and husband (smile)

We have a food saver so when we find a good deal on certain foods, I buy what I can, vacuume seal and freeze it. It can be frozen up to 2 years. My husband is very frugal with our money because we went from a 2 income household to 1. We live on a strict budget because my husband is a Crane Operator / Mechanic and is very good with almost any job he does, so in the winter months (around 4 - 5) he is out of work. So I do all I can to save money, I use coupons look for specials and I have a god time with it. I don't get much sleep it seems, but my family is much more important than a couple extra hours of sleep. I try to catch up on weekends.

David has remodeled our home by himself, it has taken 11 years but worth it. So, while he is off work he works around home or helps his family out. He does side work for different ones and right now he is building shelves for me in our basement to house all of the foods I have canned. It is such a blessing that he does all he can.

I hope that something I have mentioned can help someone else. I am very willing to share the e-mail on the awsome cook book, if any one would like it we can figure out how I can post it to this site because I think it came from a family member & I don't think I could give that info out. Thanks Kay, I am glad that you and other stay at home mom's are so willing to help.

Kay - posted on 12/07/2011

102

0

22

Emma! You need a HUG! Do you think that there is nothing you can do to change your situation? There are lots of Moms here who are glad to support you. How can we help?

Kay - posted on 12/07/2011

102

0

22

Congrats on making this choice for your family. You are working toward your family's goals. In order to do that you are being creative,self motivated,flexible, nurturing,patient,thrifty and that is just today! You know who you are,what you do and why.That is what matters. As to those comments,just smile and say,"Why do you ask?".Let them explain. No response is necessary.

Sal - posted on 12/07/2011

1,816

16

34

Having people think I am at home because I am too stupid or lazy to work.... It really pisses me off I work had to stay home it takes a huge financial and personal commitment from both my husband and I to make it work and I am sick of people asking when u want to go back to work what's my occupation or feeling sorry for me because they think I haven't got a job because I move with hubbies work and suggesting places for me to apply

Stifler's - posted on 12/06/2011

15,141

154

604

I wanted to be a registered nurse. Now i'm not sure. Anything rather than be nothing and just look after the kids.

Kay - posted on 12/06/2011

102

0

22

Hello Emma..Yes, it is not easy to be a stay at home Mom.If you could have any job, what would you like to do.? What do you like best about being home with children?

Stifler's - posted on 12/06/2011

15,141

154

604

not making my own money. cleaning- i hate it, it's boring... so NOT what i want to do with my life. if i worked damo would have to help clean more. doing crafts and playgroup to stop being so bored i could cry. having all day to think and obsess about things instead of being run off my feet at work.

Kenneka - posted on 12/06/2011

25

1

2

Kay, thanks so much for the encouragement! I needed that....and yeah, I see what you mean....I do drive, but if it's about running errands, I do go anywhere. I feel bad sometimes because I know my baby needs to get out and learn....and she don't want to be cooped up in house forever! I was just thinking that maybe if she was walking, I could do more with her....could be wrong though. I thought about taking her to the local library, which is of course not found of noise lol, but it would be cool for her to learn about all the books and things. I try to read to her and talk to her about activities I do all the time....not every time though cause she is in the learning "no" stages. :) she is almost one (She will be one on the 24th) and I am seeing her grow and change everyday and I am thankful for it. I do still feel like I am depriving her. I don't want her to be like me....at home, all the time, no social life....she will have that once she starts school, but as for me....I have grown to be so socially awkward that even when I do get out, I don't have much to say because I don't get out much. I think people have given up on me because they know I am "stuck" in the house and it pushes them away....so I am thinking of attending school in the classroom to feel better about myself as an individual. Learn, grow, and possibly work part time in the near future. Thanks again for your comforting and sympathetic advice.

Kay - posted on 12/06/2011

102

0

22

Hello Kenneka.. I just hit the wrong button and erase what I had written so I will try again! What you are feeling is perfectly normal at this stage. In fact, it is good that you are feeling this way because it is telling you that there might be some changes that you could make that would make you happier. First of all, let me tell you that it took me 4 years to learn HOW to stay at home.When I did, it stuck for over 30 years. I read in one of the baby doctor books that was popular at the time, that everyone,Mom and baby included, need to be out of the house for 2 to 3 hours a day. I don't know if you have a car or not but just getting outside will do.Go for a walk with your daughter and point things out to her. Stop and investigate a spider's web or if you prefer, let her feel the bark of a tree. Talk to her all the time about what you are doing even if it is folding clothes. Show her the different colors. It will be a monologue at first but believe me, soon she will be talking all day! Of course your days are filled with feeding, changing and housework but all jobs are filled with some sort of drudgery. You need to be able to socialize with other Moms. I joined a Junior Mothers club that met in the library in the evenings (no children present). We planned parties for our children to celebrate the holidays etc. from this group, I met some wonderful friends, I suggested that we forma play group. We met once a week at rotating houses. We sat in a circle with the kids playing in the middle while we had coffee and chatted . It was good for all of us.soon you will be finding ways to do your chores more efficiently so you and you daughter can have more time to have fun together.You life will change as your daughter grows. Congratulations on having a baby daughter. You are loving, nurturing and protecting her. May she grow up to be your best friend and someday take her little daughter out to hug a tree!
!

Kenneka - posted on 12/06/2011

25

1

2

I THINK THERE ARE MANY CHALLENGES AND BLESSINGS IN BEING A STAY AT HOME MOM. FOR ONE, PERSONALLY, I LIKE BEING A STAY AT HOME MOM, BUT I AM NOT SURE IF THE PROS OUT WEIGH THE CONS RIGHT NOW. MY CHILD, AND I ONLY HAVE ONE, IS JUST 11 MONTHS. I WAS A STAY AT HOME WIFE FOR A YEAR, THEN CAME MY BABY....I AM STILL AT HOME LOL. I HAVE MANY DAYS WHERE I WISH I HAD MORE OF A EXCITING LIFE, FULL OF THINGS TO DO BECAUSE AT THIS POINT, MY LIFE IS A CONSTANT ROUTINE OF CHANGING DIAPERS, CLEANING THE HOUSE, FEEDING THE BABY, BEING ON THE COMPUTER.....NOTHING BUT BORING! THEN THERE ARE TIMES WHERE I KNOW THAT BEING AT HOME IS BENEFICIAL. FOR US...I THINK IT SAVES INCOME. CHILD CARE IS SCARY AND EXPENSIVE, THOUGH I FEEL LIKE I COULD BE HOLDING MY BABY BACK FROM LEARNING AND GROWING WITH OTHER KIDS HER AGE....SO AS YOU CAN SEE BY NOW, I AM REALLY TORN! IT GETS DIFFICULT SOMETIMES...FINANCIALLY WE HAVE TO CUT BACK ON USAGE OF GAS AND ELECTRICITY TO KEEP OUR BILLS IN CHECK (NO HUGE DEAL THERE) AND WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TO SAVE OR BUY OUTSIDE OF THE BUDGET AND I HARDLY EVER HAVE A REASON TO LEAVE THE HOUSE....SO MOST DAYS, I AM IN THE HOUSE 24/7, BUT I DON'T BLAME THAT ON BEING A STAY AT HOME MOM. I GUESS YOU CAN SAY I HAVE DEDICATED MY LIFE TO BEING A WIFE AND MOM....SO FAR I AM NOT SO SURE IF I AM HAPPY WITH THIS.

Kay - posted on 12/06/2011

102

0

22

Thanks, Bernadette...I am sure there are other "vintage Moms" who would like to support the stay at home Moms that are coming after us. It is difficult economically to stay home. Anything we can say that might make there lives a little easier would really be worth it. It is also a blessing to us to be able to share what we have learned through experience. I admire all the young stay at home Moms. I wish there was a better term for this...STAY implies inactivity and that certainly is not the case!

Kay - posted on 12/06/2011

102

0

22

Wow..you have added meaning to my statement that we all come from different perspectives. What a precious blessing you daughter is. My appreciation for the "angel"Moms who home school comes from the fact that there are doing 3 jobs. Just realizing this puts you ahead of the game. To succeed and be happy you will have to use a lot of organization and and tips that Mom in this circle can give you. Again, The Moms that home school will be a great source as they are the ones who are doing it. The most important thing is to have a sweet disposition with the children,especially with your nephew. Organization and time management will reduce the stress so you can be fully present with the children. I am all for being professional as a stay at home Mom. Try to get and get yourself ready for the day as you would if you were leaving to go to a job. I am also all for a schedule (how can you do 3 jobs without one?) Make 3 lists of what you consider important to each job . Then decide how you will manage you time to do this. Show this list to your husband and let him choose some of the things that he might help with while acknowledging that he has assumes responsibility for providing for the family. Depending on your budget, you get some help with cleaning etc. I was on a limited budget so I did everything myself and a lot of it homemade so I was able to stay home. Some grocery stores deliver. I have nutritional meals that I can make cheaply and in 10 minutes. You can order many things on the Internet with free shipping.. Remember, by homeschooling 9-3 you are taking on an in home job. I have lots of tips for saving money in order to be home but nothing is free. You pay for these savings with your time and effort. Everyone has there own unique set of circumstances but whatever path you choose, the most important thing is order your life in such a way that you can be cheerful and positive with your children. Try to look at the world through their eyes, their world moves a lot slower than our fast paced life and it takes them a lot longer to do things. Transitions are also hard for them. Lots of words but the goal is worth it..A HAPPY HOME!

Darlene - posted on 12/06/2011

88

6

1

Thank you Kay for your encouraging words. I love being able to stay home and do the things my mom used to do. I lost my best friend 4 1/2 years ago when my precious mom passed suddenly and family wise I have 1 sister left and she lives so far away. I am very fortunate to have a great husband that allows me to be at home and he provides us with all that we need. We were without children for 23 years of our marriage and I found out that I was not going to be able to have any children after many tries and surgeries even fertility drugs. My Niece saw how much I loved her son and one day came to me and offered to carry a child for me. I almost fainted...She first went to my mom, after my mom's blessing she then came to me. My sister (my Niece's mom...RIP) would have been so proud of her. The best part is my Niece looks quite a bit like me. My daughter was (artificial insemination) concieved on my late father's birthday, She was born on Friday Aug. 13 on the 13th hour, 13 minutes after the hour. (right between my Niece's birthday and mine). I had to adopt her and the judge that granted my parental rights had the same birthday as my daughter. The adoption was finalized on Friday the 13th, my last day on my job was Friday the 13th, her 1st day of school was her birthday 8-13. How ironic is that!

To be able to stay home is a great joy to me & I have no plans to return to work. I only wish that I could learn to be more patient with the children. I have so much on my plate...I love to cook, to decorate my house and teach the children. There are just not enough hours in the day to do all I have to do. I have tons of laundry which my husband helps with along with the dishes. We are in class from 9-3, I make them breakfast, lunch, snacks, dinner, clean, we have a cat & a Guinea pig...Any helpful suggestions on how to do this more smoothly?

Bernadette - posted on 12/05/2011

28

17

5

hi Kay, I have 24 years up my sleeve :) I now have an empty nest, so would love to join you encouraging the young ones.I think it's harder for them as most people need 2 wages to pay their home off if they live in a city area.

Kay - posted on 12/05/2011

102

0

22

Hi Darlene, I love to encourage Stay at home Moms and share my experience on how to be home and HAPPY. One of the things that I have not had experience with is home schooling. That is for the "angel moms" amongst us. Many do it..they are happy and quite successful at it. In my years at home, I always felt that I was doing 2 jobs at a time. The first and most important was giving loving care to my children. I did plenty of teaching during out days together but not in the formal sense of a curriculum. The second job and also important to the comfort of the family is the maintaining of the home which also includes living on a budget. We all come from different perspectives in our lives. I went to public school and loved it. If you live in an area with good schools, it can be a great option.Home schooling is adding a third job to the day and home schooling a child with learning disabilities is very challenging. It is too bad that this child was not doing well in school. His Mom should work with the school to insist that her child receive the help he needs to succeed. Well, you know were I stand. There is a community for home schooling here. Check with these Moms for their experience. Have a great day!

Darlene - posted on 12/05/2011

88

6

1

Hi Kay, I am a late blooming mom to a 7 year old little girl. I left a great job in dentisrty to be able to stay home with her. I also care for my Niece's 9 year old son with ADHD. He is on medication and for the most part a good boy. My husband and I opted for me to home school since the 9 year old was in public school and not doing very well. My daughter was going to a christian school which was a little more money than we wanted to spend. I was able to order the program that she was using in her school and doing very well. The 9 year old has a learning disability and does not retain all he learns...this is very frustrating to me. I feel like I am sacrificing her time and education to help him. I don't want to give up because I actually love to home school. Any advice for an old mom?

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms