i have depression but dont wont to tell anyone wat do i do

Charenea - posted on 12/11/2009 ( 84 moms have responded )

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i have depression an i feel ashamed ... i mean i would never hurt my daughter or do anything stupid but i try explain to my boyfriend that i need him an he is always telling me that he is going to leav an wen i cry he says stop crying or ill leav he is for ever telling me he dont care about me an i do everything for him while he is at work i cook i clean an pay bills do all the shopping look afterour 2 month old daughter an stay up all night while he sleeps i ask for help an he just dose nothing all i wont to do is talk to him how i used to but its just not there all i do is cry i cry my self to sleep i wont eat an just feel like no one cares it hurts so bad and i dont wont to tell no one because all thy say is ill take her for the night so u can relax but i dont wont that i wont him to help me support me an stop thinking about his wonts an needs an having his own time wen i really need mine ! :(

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Kayleigh - posted on 12/18/2009

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ive got to say that soundedlike me a few months ago.i was so scared that my man would leave me becose iwas depressd and felt like i coulden look after my son who is 1 now,but 1 day i snaped and told him that id rather be a single mother to my 2 kidz than a single mother to 3 the 3rd being him,he still didnt help so i kiked him out we talked over the week and he finaly realised wot he had and wot he would loose if he didnt pull his weight,and now things are better we work together as a team and life's alot easier.if your man is not willing to help dont be scared take the first step and get rid of him if hes a good man he'l realise wot hes gona miss out on if he dont then he dosent deserve u 2!!!it always hurts at 1st but ull be a stronger person in the futre xx

Kelsey - posted on 12/12/2009

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And goodness, I almost forgot, your partner could be a huge reason for your depression. Dont make excuses for his emotional abuse toward you! There is no excuse for treating someone you are supposed to love that way. He sounds like my ex. It took 3 years and alot of courage, but I finally left, and Im SOOOO glad I did! I thought I needed him, but really I needed someone much better, and I found him! It might be the hardest thing youve ever had to do, but it will be worth it, I promise. Being single isnt worse than being treated like that! Think about it! Please message me if you want to talk about this! I have loads of stories I can tell you and I can definatly relate. Please know that you deserve better than that. Do for yourself what you would want your daughter to do in that situation.

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Rhonda - posted on 11/25/2011

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i have it to and i do things i dont know i do till its to lot i now how you fill

Lyssa - posted on 06/10/2011

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first of all, sounds to me like your boyfriend is a real ass!! second of all, do you have any other support system? family or friends? if you do, take all the help that is offered. and honestly, if i had a man who treated me like that, i'd kick his ass to the curb. i understand you love him and want to make him happy, but YOUR happiness is way more important. you really need to think about what's going to make YOU happy.

Stacey - posted on 08/26/2010

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hun i was like u in the same way i cryed i dint eat i got help but i didnt open up to them so there was no point for them to keep me on th help program my problem got werse and werse my eatin went from starvin my self to starvin my self and execive exercising then to balimia my partner was the werst to me he played games with my head cheated and more i never laid a finger on my son but thigs got wers i ended up havin bad dreams and thaughts they dint come till his teeth started to come thrue but i still never went to get help and the help i did get i never said a word to them made out everything is fine if icould tern the clocks back i would have opend up got the help i needed if i was u hun id get the propper help i need or things caan tern out the same for you and i dont wish that apon anyone depreshon isnt a nice thing and its not easy to hide i did but it ait me up inside get the help hun for your daughter even thou you cant see it its herting her aswell xx
p.s if you ever want to talk pm me anytime you want hun x

Claudia - posted on 12/26/2009

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Don't be ashamed, it is common and better to get help. Talk to your doctor ASAP, because it can get worse. Not to make excuses for your man, but sometimes men don't know how to deal with depression, being a new father, etc. At some point counseling might help your relationship. If there is any kind of violence in your relationship, come up with a plan and leave him.

Stacey - posted on 12/26/2009

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Hun im exacly the same but i have posnatal depression and i cant open up to any one not even family but what i did i went to my doc and told them that "i think i have depression" my doc did a test and that was it he gave me depression tablets and i was on my way.
There is no need to feel ashaimed alot of people get it. As for your OH (dont want to be nasty but i know what im talkin about iv been thrugh it all my self with my eldist sons father) let him leave honestly you would be better off wi out him your depressin is only going to get worse with him there. Everything you have said about him remindes me of my ex Harrys dad (Harry being my eldist son) apart from he was always pushy aswell telling me what i can and cant do, who i can and cant see/hang out with, even what i could and couldnt waire, i couldnt leave cables out when i did the cleanin everywhere had to be spotlass, food had to be done on time for him when he got home from work, then on top of that i had to look after harry bath him feed him dress him everything get up at night go make his bottles, im telling you this because its hard i know it is and i had the same problems you have know i also stopped eating i endid up with belimea cos when i did eat i had to throw it all back up again because i couldnt handle it (he also played games with my head).
Hun if you want to be happy again ask family/ friends to look after him for the day so you can do something for you and i know you wont want to hear this but if i was you id leave him your deppression is going to get wirse honestly it will they you will fined yourself tackin it out on your lil one (i dont mean you will hit her or do out bad to her) i never but i found my self thinking of bad things, things im ashaimed to say but i never lade a finger on him.
to be honest people that havent been or going thrugh this dont understand.
sorry your going thrugh this hun if you ever want to talk im always hear
xxx

Jenn - posted on 12/23/2009

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I lived in similar circumstances with my son's father. Lots of yelling, fighting, and worse. My son actually stopped developing and when he was 6 months old and still unable to roll over I left because I realized that it was the environment we were living in that was causing it. After I left, a doctor told me that he was suffering from Failure to Thrive and that if I had stayed another 2 weeks I would have woke up next to a dead baby. That was a scary thing to hear. He had to go through physical therapy and he's perfectly normal now, but if you don't fight for yourself and that baby, no one else will. I hope your circumstances aren't as bad as mine were, but you need to be strong enough to fight for what's best for you.

Beth - posted on 12/22/2009

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I've been there myself. You feel like no one understands. My daughter is 8 now, but I thought it was the baby blues. I cried all the time. When my baby cried I wanted to scream. Then as the yrs went by, I blamed it on the types of birth control I was on. About a yr. ago I went to see a doctor and I'm on Zoloft. I didn't get nearly enough sleep and zoloft helped me. Although I sometimes feel tired alot, I don't get upset so easily and am more relaxed. Thank God I have a wonderful husband who understands. I worried about everything, now I"m not. So hang in there and seek some medical attention. It helps to talk to someone.

Kelly - posted on 12/18/2009

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don't be afraid of depression. if you keep it in and don't get help it will only get worse. go to your doctor and get put on something. i myself am on zoloft and it helps. thearpy might be a way too. not to get too personal, but if your boyfriend IS the child's father, then you need to talk to him. take him to doctor with u so the doctor can let him know that you have depression and he needs to be there and be supportive. i have a wonderful husband who is alwyas there for me and has been since we met. if he doesn't change, then honey, kick him to the curb. your child is the MOST important thing.
good luck!!!! happy holidays!!!

Lisa - posted on 12/18/2009

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I know u have heard all of this already,but it will get better and there is nothing to be ashamed about lots I mean lots of moms go through this. Wheather it is ppd or plain depression either way you need to speak to your ob. Don't do it for your b/f do it for yourself and your baby. I knew I had depression for years but like you I was ashamed to admit it after I had my second it got way out of control there came a point where I couldn't even stand the person I become. I got help and am taking Celexa and it is the best thing that I have done. As for your b/f if he doesn't change and talk to you and understand what you have been going through then I would rethink your relationship escpecially if he says he doesn't care about you.

Chandra - posted on 12/17/2009

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This is a very bad but joyous time for you. I am sorry you are having so many difficult adjustments.. I am a grandma now and I also have depression. My doctor put me on some medication. It seems to help. Also the doctor told me to take vitiam Bs which do help. I don't know if u are nursing but that also effects you. It is important that u have support also. New motherhood can make you feel isolated sometimes. Men This is a good outreach too. I hope you get some vitiams take your prenatal if you can't buy the B's. Take Care of yourself. If you ever need to talk. Email me or Facebook me.

Krystal - posted on 12/17/2009

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It nothing to be ashamed off and really really common honey. I knew something wa sup with how i was feeling. I saw my GP and she prescribed an anto depressant called Lexapro. Within a couple weeks i was a different person. My hubby at the time was like "i dont think you should tell anyone. Arent you ashamed? I was like Hell no. I need to talk about this and to this day im very open about it. It really does help to talk to someone, even if its a counsellor at your local drs or a close friend. Bubs are such hard work at the start. Specially when your gettng used to no sleep. Thinking of you sweets. i know how you feel. Im now depression free after 3 years xx

Jenny - posted on 12/16/2009

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Hi,

First let me say that you have done a brave thing by reaching out for advice. I had postpartum depression after 3 of my 4 kids. It was only after my 3rd baby was born that I got some help (I had a new doctor for my third and fourth babies). I took Prozac, which helped a lot and I was able to breastfeed. Different things help different people, your doctor can help you find what works for you. I have also found that sleeping when the baby is asleep and talking to friends or family who care for you can help a lot too. I also go to a wonderful church and that really helps.



Congratulations on your new baby. Let me know if you need to talk.

Rebecca - posted on 12/16/2009

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Talk to your Dr. Don't feel ashamed by this. We all feel some sort of depression after our babies are gone and this is not uncommon for it to prolong. I know a few women who have never gotten out of it and they need their pills or they are just miserable. I'm sure you wouldn't do anything to harm your baby but if your hormones were blanced you would be able to appreciated everything that she is goign to learn over the next while. You will regret missing the moments and actually appreciating them. Even if you ask your Dr to run blood work to see where your imbalance is would helop you tons. It'll be the first step to getting help.

Kelly - posted on 12/16/2009

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Oh hun, I know exactly how you feel, I was there once myself. It sounds as though you may have postnatal-depression and it's nothing to be ashamed of, in fact it's very normal! I know it's easy for me to say because I managed to come out of the other side, but you will too with the right support and help. Depression is a very lonely and dark place and I know from my own experience that I didn't want to admit to myself, or others around that I was depressed because I didn't want to feel like I was failing as a mum and I didn't want people to think that I couldn't cope, but trust me, talking to my doctor was the best thing I ever did! As for your boyfriend, this is a new experience for him too, he probably doesn't understand the issues that your dealing with on a day to day basis, afterall, he is a man and he hasn't had to go through any of the things that you've recently gone through, watching your body change, everyone fussing around you and then disappearing after they've had a peak at your baby, going through childbirth, watching your body change again and then getting used to a new way of life, these are really stressful and ultimately life changing to you, he has had to see and deal with those things from a distance. I'm not saying he's right for behaving the way that he is, but I really do think that good communication is the key! Definitely have a chat with your doctor and be completely honest with him/her, I promise that you will feel as though a huge weight has been lifted. Hopefully the doctor will be able to reassure you and/or prescribe you with something. Ask a friend or family member to look after your baby girl 1 evening, get some imformation on postnatal-depression and then spend an evening talking to your boyfriend about the way you've been feeling and don't forget to ask him how he's been feeling too! You will get through this, even if you have to go it alone, and then you can really start to enjoy your beautiful baby girl, afterall, a baby is the most special, prescious and amazing gift in the world! Good luck. xx

Shanna - posted on 12/16/2009

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wow i totally understand but , i did it the hard way i treated him how he treated me and then i jus stoped all the things he wanted and expected me to do .... then when that worked and when he sliped up agin and didnt do shit i left i moved all the way to my moms in florida and spent 3 months wit out him then he realized how hard paying bills and cleaning and not having a lover and his family was ... it sucked and we got back togther and now we have 2 kids and wow life is great he appreaties everyhting i do for this family what works for me might not work for u but it is a option.. and for one thing if u feel depressed talk to ur doctor it might be more then jus him not helping u kno ? jus look into it and dont ever feel embarressed there where times i couldnt be alone wit my child cause he had collic and did nothing but cry so all i did was cry its hard postpordom depresstion is serius i take zolft but i was already b4 kids then after i got back on and it works .. trust me i undertsand.. jus do what u think is best for u and ur child personally ...yea it takes 2 to tango but it only takes 1 to be a mother u kno? so i hope this helps good luck to u

Jennie - posted on 12/16/2009

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I'm a stay at home mom and a counselor. Yes medication can help but is not always the answer. Find support. Friends, family, church, and seek out counseling if you are not finding relief. I get a lot of people telling me this will pass and then you will want these young years back but it doesn't help for what you are feeling right now. An outside party who can really listen can help. See what your insurance offers and free counseling is offered through Medicaid or seek out an intern if money is an issue

Christy - posted on 12/16/2009

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zoloft rocks!! I feel so much better now that I am taking it. You wouldn't be ashamed if you had any other medical problem would you?? Depression is no different. It is not something you can control on your own. Get help, so you can be the best mom to your baby.
Sounds like your b/f is immature. Try finding a support group (ask your OB). Good luck to you!!

LeeAnn - posted on 12/16/2009

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Yes, I am doing a lot better now...my son is now 22 months old and I couldn't be better. It just took time to adjust to everything...Plus your hormones are going crazy right after you have a baby. My advice is to talk with your OB...but if you don't feel like you are going to hurt yourself or anyone else then talk to someone...more than likely you don't need meds. Talking to someone that I didn't know helped me a lot! Just getting my feelings out there and not having someone get upset or judge me was the best thing that I could have done for myself at that time.

Rhonda - posted on 12/16/2009

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You need to tell someone if your boyfriend treats you the way he does, then you need to find someone else. Perhaps he is part of your depression. Depression can be dangerous, you need to speak to a Dr. so he can maybe put you on an anti depressant (take it from one who knows) you will feel a lot better. All Mom's need some me time, sounds like your boyfriend is selfish!

Melissa - posted on 12/16/2009

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The best thing that you can do is TALK about it. NEVER feel ashamed! I am Also severly depressed and i have tried medication and it never works.The only thing that i found that works is talking about it. I choose my Mother in law and she helps me get through the tough days. I have some good days and some really bad days. Sometimes while i would hold my son or rock him i would cry and cry and cry..... finally i started talking to him lol he couldnt understand me but i could get out the way i feeling right then in there of course i would talk very gently and smile at him and all but i found that really helped me. My husband never helps me either. He barely plays with his son and when he does i beg him too. i completly understand where you are coming from. as far as he goes i just let it go and decided i was just going to have to do it alone. I tried everything with my husband and nothing worked... But if you ever need to "vent" im here for you my name is Melissa Baucom and you can just look me up and tell me whats going on and you can talk to me about it i wont judge you.
Hope i was some help...
Melissa Baucom.

Monica - posted on 12/16/2009

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if you ever need someone to pray with you please call me at 678-702-1842.
God is the healer of everything He said so in His word. I'd be more than happy to pray with you against this.

monica

[deleted account]

I went through the same problem after having my daughter. It is absolutely imperative that you think of yourself first so that you can take care of your child. Boyfriend aside, talk to your OBGYN!! I know other posters have said this and I repeat it b/c it is absolutely necessary that you get some help. Your boyfriend's attitude may not change but how you feel about it & how you handle it will change with the proper meds. Also, it can be dangerous to you and your child for you to feel this way & be sleep deprived. I am not suggesting that you're going to snap, but many moms have and they probably never thought that they'd do anything to harm themselves or anyone else. The point here is take care of you so that you can be the best mommy to your baby and enjoy this time. I missed out on my baby's 1st 8 mos. dealing with PDD & being too afraid and ashamed to tell anyone. Please don't let this happen to you. She's 2 1/2 now & I spend everyday feeling guilty trying to make it up to her. Good luck. Talk to the OBGYN. You'd be very surprised to learn that you're not alone, they want to help you like they've helped countless others.

Rachel - posted on 12/16/2009

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It might be that he is the reason for your depression and not the baby. I know that with my first three I had depression afterwords I also had a husband that wasn't very helpful if at all. This time I have 4 children and no man around. I have no depression. It is so much better. I think that if I hadn't thought the man should be helping I wouldn't have been so depressed. This last one doesn't help at all hasn't even seen the baby and I'm doing just fine and so are the kids.

Elisa - posted on 12/16/2009

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This is nothing to feel shame about. I went through it too. The best thing you can do for you and your daughter is to reach out and tell someone. You have made a great step today. Talk to your doctor about it. He can help and trust me it will not be the first time he has heard it. Tell you boyfriend to stick it. You do not need his childish behavior when you are dealing with the changes that are going on within you and within your life.

I can not stress strongly enough that you NEED to talk to someone. Not just anyone, your doctor! It is important that you take care of you, in order to be the best mom you can be.

Good luck and God Bless

LeeAnn - posted on 12/15/2009

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I went through the same thing. I didn't tell anyone or talk to a doctor. Then when my son was six months old, because I was still breastfeeding I went through a second bout of depression. That time I talked to my OB and she helped me. I didn't need meds, but I just needed to talk to someone and know that I wasn't the only one feeling this way. I wish I would have talked to her the first time. Just know that it will pass and it is better to talk with your OB. Good luck!

Tasia - posted on 12/15/2009

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I know how you feel! I was in the same spot not to long ago with my husband. He works constantly and is hardley ever home and when he was home he didn't want to really help with our daughter. I finally came to the conclusion that "I CAN'T CHANGE HIM! BUT I CAN CHANGE MYSELF!!" If you keep telling your self that, you will start to look at things differently, and they will start to get better. Something else you can try is a lil bit of yoga. Sure it seems like you won't get a chance to do yoga, but if you try to find different ways to incorporate your baby into your yoga poses. Not only will you feel refreshed and rejuvinated, and have your body and mind "centered" but it is also a great way for you to bond with your lil gurl.

Jocelyn - posted on 12/15/2009

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Oh hun, I've been where you are! It horrible but it does get better, believe me. I'm not going to give you a big reply because many of the other reply's already say exactly what I would tell you. But I am going to tell you that if for some reason you cannot get on an anti depressant (insurance problems or personal choices) that taking a st. johns wort supplement will help. It is a natural anti depressant and it helps with anxiety and with sleeping problems. It is safe to take while pregnant, while breastfeeding, and in combination with other medications. Good luck! And congrats on the baby girl :)

Hannah - posted on 12/15/2009

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It is nothing to be ashamed of. And you have good cause to be depressed. Your husband does not want you. Your husband is not good enough for you. He does not know how to take care of you and has no desire to. You need to make your own life. You must get away from this man, he is toxic. You need to be a happy mama so your daughter can be happy.

You should start therapy, get perspective. You shoulde give your husband an ultimatum. And give your self an ultimatum. If you are willing to be depressed and unhappy the rest of your life with someone who doesnt love you then just hunker down and give up. BUT it is so possible to be happy, It is so possible to be strong and beautiful. Just grab life by the balls. Go get some therapy, start there.

Megan - posted on 12/15/2009

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OK Honey I had very bad depression with my first child and didn't realize it or get help until a year later. I separated from my babies father and was overly protective of my child, very sad, crabby, a lot of feelings and emotions going on.....I finally went to the doctor and got put on meds and felt better in a matter of weeks. I am so glad that I did I feel like myself again. That was 4 years ago and I just had a nother child with my now husband who stuck by me through out the whole seperation and me treating him badly. I asked for the pills right away this time didn;t want to be in that situation again. YOU NEED TO GO TO YOU DOCTOR!!!! I just always thought it would go away but it never did it is something in your brain that happens after you have a baby that is out of whack and the pills help your doctor will explain it better than I can. Please go and just talk to your doc about it you will NOT regret it. I regretted waiting so long it almost ruined my relationship with my husband!! Nothing to be ashamed about i had the same feeling...you need help and your relationship will get better and if it doesn't at least you will get better......hope this helps!!!!

Crystal - posted on 12/15/2009

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You need to sit down and talk to him aswhile..tell him how you feel...Use I feel this and I feel that, try not to say You do this and you do that. See if he is willing to go talk to a conceler with you....let him know that you love him and thank him for what he does but, also, explain that you want to know he still loves you too. Have date nights...leave your baby with your sitter and go out at least once a week together and during those night don't talk about problems just go out and have fun. Do stuff you did before you got pregnant. If he was a jerk before you had your baby then, he's just not good for you but, if he changed because, of all the stress then there's a chance to re-kindle your love.

Crystal - posted on 12/15/2009

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I had depression...it's very serious you could lose your family by closing them out...my husband a lot of problems from this....You need to talk to your doctor and get on a low dose of prozac or paxel these don't effect you...doesn't make you high are anything. All this will do is balance out your chemicals in your system, so you can be you again. After having children it can put your body and mind out of wack and that's very normal. A women's system takes about one year to get back to normal so, talk to your doctor get on these medication and take sometime out of the day to read,watch a movie or just take a nap....you need some time for yourself too. Start balanceing your life out with kids,husband,work, and me time. You need time for all so make a scheule I know that sounds silly but, before you know it you will start be back to your old self and enjoying your life again.

[deleted account]

Do you live in a place where you can go out and take a walk or go to visit a friend? I had postpartum psychosis and never told anyone until it was gone. Getting some sunshine, taking time to exercise, writing in your journal, talking to friends, taking time to breathe (even if it's just for 5 minutes at a time), listening to uplifting music - check out Pandora.com - it's great! Take time to do something you enjoy every day, too, even if all you have is 15 minutes. You need to take care of you! Also, make a basic plan for your day. Don't try to do too much - taking care of you and your baby is number one. Also, as hard as it may sound, your boyfriend needs to feel loved too. If you pray, I would recommend praying to love him and to know how to help him love you in the way that you need. Pray to find ways to relax. If you can relax and de-stress every day, feeling will come back, you won't feel so numb and overwhelmed. You will love more. Prayer is the only thing that helped me through it all. Counseling helps a ton! Medication can be a great tool, too. Remember that the voices will go away when your hormones become normal again. You can get through this and be a better person for having been through it. Hang in there! A lot of us understand everything you are feeling right now.

Tina - posted on 12/15/2009

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Oh, and please don't feel ashamed about depression, a lot of women and men have it. You just need to find the right people to talk about it with, becuase the wrong people will make you feel like you just want attention or feel like you are at fault, and you are not!! Godo luck!!!

Tina - posted on 12/15/2009

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First, you need to get rid of that negaticvty you have around you, namely your boyfriend!! SOmeone who cares abotu you will be there for you and help you!! You need to surround yourself with people who care!!! I cannot stress that enough! I suffer from depression as well, and thta is something that I have learned. Get rid of ANY unnessisary negativity in your life. It sound sliek you can find someone better who really cares for you!! I have a wonderful husband you will cook for me on my bad days. He understands when I don't get the cleaning done, and he doesn't put me down for it. SOme one who loves will give you that help!! Good luck and stay strong!!

Second, see your doctor. He/She will be able to perscribe something for you to help you deal with the everyday parts of life. I will warn you, i may take some time, like months, to find the right kind of medication for you, but be patient, you will find it!! PLus, you never know, you may be suffering frmo post patum and whichgoes away after a few months in some cases, with the help of medication.

Third, you NEED...NEED to think about your own needs and wants out of life!! Especially having a baby, you need to think about relationships that you are in and see if they are what is good for both you and your baby!!

Good luck!! I hope you can be strong and work through the depression!!

Liz - posted on 12/15/2009

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i have depression also, and the best thing i did was go to my docters and talk 2 my GP, it has helped me so much, i have been prascribed medication and it realy is working. its best to do something about it before you get worse and maybe hurt your-self or evan someone else my partner never understood and he still doesnt, he says the same things to me when i have a little break down but keep your chin up love xx

Nancy - posted on 12/14/2009

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Please contact Dr. Shoshana Bennett because you are not alone. She is an expert on PPD and will help you understand what you are feeling.
Shoshana S. Bennett, licensed psychologist, founded Postpartum Assistance for Mothers in 1987 after her second undiagnosed postpartum illness. Bennett is the Immediate Past President of Postpartum Support International and the past president of California's state organization Postpartum Health Alliance.

She has been a featured guest on dozens of national radio and television shows, including ABC's 20/20. She is a noted guest lecturer, and her work has been the subject of numerous newspaper articles around the country.

For fifteen years prior to her current profession, Bennett was a college instructor in the fields of Special Education, Early Childhood Development, Rehabilitation Therapies and Psychology. She holds three teaching credentials.


email her at: drshosh@sbcglobal.net I promise you will be glad you contacted her!
Bennett offers telephone consultations to women and their families throughout the world. She is the author of Postpartum Depression for Dummies and co-author of Beyond the Blues: A Guide to Understanding and Treating Prenatal and Postpartum Depression.

Maude - posted on 12/14/2009

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please talk to your doctor as soon as possible, it won't get any better if you don't ask for help. you just did the first step by writing this. Ask a friend or a family member to go with you. Your doctor is there to help and won't laugh at you. Sleep deprivation can lead to depression too! Your doctor will get you all the help you need and if the doctor prescribe your pills take them and enjoy your time with your baby. Your baby needs you happy. Take care and please go see your doctor

Lindsey - posted on 12/14/2009

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That's the great thing about doctor/patient confidentiality. That is the only person you need to share this with to get the help you need.



Unfortunately men aren't always the best at emotional support. I'm not saying there is any excuse for the way he is treating you. There isn't. But you have to be able to count on yourself, especially for your babies sake. PPD is very normal and common. And it WILL NOT go away on it's own. Talk to your Dr about the best treatment option for you. Check your area for free support groups where you can go and talk to other Moms who feel the same way you do or may be experiencing similar situations. You should not be ashamed or embarassed!!! This happens to a lot of women!



Your bf could be feeling overwhelmed, also. I don't know the specifics about your situation, but if he isn't giving you the support you need, or if he doesn't know how- look elsewhere. If there is more to the situation and you're having other issues in your relationship, remember just because you have a child together doesn't mean you have to stay together.



I wish you the best! But please make an appointment with your Dr. They will have the best advice to help you through this difficult time. Your child should be your priority. And right now she needs you to be strong, not only for her, but for yourself.

Saveena - posted on 12/14/2009

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Hi Charenea,
Depression is Not something to be Ashamed of, it is painful emotionally and physically. A lot of women myself included, experience it onetime or another and in different ways.
Charenea I am a mom of 3 and have experience postpartum depression years ago after the birth of my second and third child. I did group therapy and counseling. I did not use any drugs, I was adviced against it because antidepressants can change your personallity. You can of course get a drug of some sort to help your depression. But you can also find out where your family counseling or women’s support group is for your town. The hospital that you gave birth at should have support group therapy for women. I have to assure you that it will not be easy but you will definitely feel a lot better joining a support group rather than using antidepressants because you will be able to talk to someone and interact with others with the same type of depression. You can also check out this website....www.ahealthyme.com. It will be nice if you can read it on your spare time. It does sound like, along with PPD(postpartum depression), you are also experiencing emotional and verbal abuse but to be more certain, join a support group and talk to someone about your depression. If all fails, go to your OBGYN and give him or her a brief explanation of how you’re feeling and then ask him or her if there is a support group he or she can recommend. Be sure to let your OBGYN knows, (that is if you decided against antidepressant drugs), you really would rather not take antidepressants if you do not want to. You have to be certain of this fact before you approach your doctor with your situation.
In the mean time, try concentrating on your baby and taking it one day at a time. Wake up every morning and take a bath, dress up nicely like putting on a little make up and wear something nice, open up your blinds to your apartment or home to let daylight in. Think more about your self and your baby. Make sure you eat something for breakfast, lunch and dinner/supper. When you eat, keep your baby nearby as if it is the two of you sharing a meal together. Chat to your child while eating. This may all sound like bullshit, excuse my language but after doing this on a daily basis, it will help to make you feel a lot better about you. Every step toward your well being, tell your self that you are doing this for the next couple hours. Like for instance, when you wake up in the morning, just concentrate on getting through breakfast and taking care of your baby and yourself only for that few hours after you wake up. After your morning routine, move on to lunch and then to dinner/supper. At the end of the day, you have just made it through one day. Do the same the next day, and the, the next and the next. Just take it one-day-at-a-time. Take care and stay well

Saveena

Shelley - posted on 12/14/2009

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hey love am afraid to say that i was pretty much in the same position myself with my ex husband he was very unhelpful with all 3 of our children doin pretty much the same as your partner only difference was he wouldn't work either. Sorry to say this hun but sometimes it just helps to talk to your health visitor about how you are feeling, i no you say that you dont want to but there is absolutely no shame in admittin that you need a little help, it doesnt make you a bad mother or anything and what your feeling is absolutely normal so please dont start thinkin that your alone because trust me you are not. Unfortunately men are no good with hormones and things like that and many men just seem to think that we are completely crazy once we have had a child, and to be fair sometimes when we are depressed like you sound your behaviour can change without you realising it, if anything speaking about it with professionals will more than likely be the best thing that you can do, I didnt wnt to admit it when i had my first child and i felt awful all the time an a complete failure, and to be honest when i had my 2nd and 3rd i actually made plans with my health visitor/midwife to have the anti depressants ready just in case because i couldnt bear feelin like that again especially when i knew that i did not have to suffer and by taking the help offered i could enjoy being a mum.

I really hope this advice helps you because you sound really low good luck hun x x

Amy - posted on 12/14/2009

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I have been in your boat. one pull your self to gather for that beautiful little girl you have. then talk to your mom , aunt, grandmother or any family or friend that will listen. GO TO THE DOCTOR it sounds like the baby blues. your ob or pc can help. then show him what it's like not haveing you at his beck and call LEAVE!!!! you my contact me on Fecebook

Jamie - posted on 12/14/2009

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U need to first realize its not you, and NOTHING you have done!!! I am now 32, and have dealt w/depression for a number of years, and have 4children. I went off my meds when I was preg w/my first and had similar symptoms as you, still do if I get very tired a not enough sleep. First talk either to your Obgyn, of family doc-someone your comfortable with. They won't think bad, remeber they deal w/this daily. Then try to get a support system, maybe if you talk to your bf and he still doesn't get it, he can attend the appt and hear it from someone else too. Depression is very serious, i've been hospitalized twice, its not something I choose, or you, but it Will get better, but you have to take the first step, and in the long run, it will help ALL of you. Hang in there and good luck!!!

Rosie - posted on 12/14/2009

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Don't feel ashamed Charenea, you have nothing to be ashamed of. There are so many women out there who face the same challenge as you. Please go and talk to your doctor. It is confidental information what you share with him or her. Your boyfriend may be a big part of the reason you are experiencing this. He certainly isn't helping telling you he is leaving and constantly going on about what he needs. Sounds like he is being selfish. It takes two to make a baby and he should share the responsibilities with you. If he loves his child it should be about the kid to. My huband is wonderful and helps with our kids. He used to take turns with me getting up at night feeding our two. I have depression to. I know how you feel. I suffered for over a year before I told anyone. My husband and I are really close and share everything together but I couldn't tell him about that. I feel better now. You really should share with your doctor your feelings. They are professionals and treat women for this everyday. You've done nothing wrong. Your little daughter loves you so much. She looks to you to care for her. Take care of yourself and get feeling better. Before you know it she will be wanting you to take her to the movies :-)

Myra - posted on 12/14/2009

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How could you not feel bad? He isn't there for you or the baby. You can talk to a zillion people, but until he does his part, you might as well talk to no one because I'd be willing to bet if you got the help from him you and the baby deserve, you'd feel better. He's the one you need not only to talk to, but he's the one you need listening and doing their part. If he starts giving you a hand and tending to your needs (and moms need lots of things!), and you're still having these feelings, you should seek medical attention because it's not simply your reaction to him being a jerk.

When he's around and you need some time, take it! Go out for a walk so he has no choice but to either take care of the baby, or listen to it cry. It's amazing how quickly a man can figure out what it takes to quiet a crying baby when they feel they have no other choice in the matter.

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I too have depression and have started taking Celexa about a year ago and it has helped me so much. I love it. You do need to talk to someone though. I started seeing a therapist.

Cristina - posted on 12/14/2009

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Hi, it sounds like the baby blues, but also if the dad is not helping you at all and you have to do all the house work and care for the baby night and day without any help from him, it does tend to pile up and you start to feel all alone in the relationship, as for the "I'm gonna leave" every time you cry or share your emotions well let him, he's not deserving of the woman that gave her all to have his child, if you have a close relative of church group that you can lean on at these times go and talk to them, do not keep all your emotions bottled up inside, because they do fester and eat you up slowly, but surely, you'll become a bitter resentful person and that's the last thing you want for your life and your baby's life, and if you feel he doesn't love you, speak to him, a relationship goes no where if you do not try and tell each other how you feel. hope you get the help you need, be praying for you.

Rikki - posted on 12/14/2009

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i have depression aswell and trust me getting help is nothing to be ashamed of we all need a lill help now and then i would tell your gp how you are feeling and what is going on there are some great medications out there even if you only need them for a short period of time to get all your chemicals in balance there is nothing wrong with doing this especaly when it will make you feel mutch better and in turn make caring for your baby less stressful and a more fun experiance :)) good luck ill keep my fingers crossed for you :))

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