I have stayed at home for 7 years now how do i overcome the issues?

Charleen - posted on 10/29/2012 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Ok i have stayed at home for 7 years. Never been an issue til now. i feel like i am failing as a mom, wife, and friend. I am constantly wondering if my husband is cheating on me. Then it comes up if he is at work or not. I know his check shows but i cannot seem to understand why i have not been a priority either in or outside of the bedroom. I am frustated with little things and everything he does annoys me. I never believe if he is doing what he says he is especially since now he had porn on his cell phone but then told me that he let a coworker borrow it really am I supposed to believe this. I know he hasnt cheated but to me porn is cheating mentally because it is not looking at me or thinking of me it is looking at other women. I think that i am insecure because of how i feel about myself and that is a big problem for me to overcome. however he doesnt show me that he is physically attracted to me. Now I do want to work and i do want to help contribute but i am wondering what to do about him not wanting me i cant trust him if he is not showing me that I am not attractive that he wont go somewhere else. Am i overreaccting to this?

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Patricia - posted on 10/30/2012

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hi my name is patricia,maybe you should calm down a bit, my man has looked at porn, most people have.....dosent mean hes cheating at all....this has made you insecure thats all.....talk to him more ,show him your interested in him maybe thats all you need to do to spark up your life and be more confident .....guys like that so try it bet you will turn him on and things will change....no negative attitude ect. guys tend to keep busy when we display this kind of stuff...make some fun happen bet he will be your biggest fan..........

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Patricia - posted on 11/02/2012

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honestly,I for one would not accept what hes doing its not nice...its mking you feel bad and he is getting upset because he knows what hes doing is wrong and should know he cant have it this way....either you make a decision or make him make a decision but something has to give.....sounds like you love him very much but if this is the way he is doing you he dosent deserve it....I went through this bfore and the best thing I did was walk away after 7 years of it with 3 kids in tow and never looked back...it hurt but was worth it in the end.love yourself enough to do somethig about it,be strong its ok to advacate for yourself ...let him realize what he has lost and make him work ery hard to get back in your good graces if at all....

Patricia - posted on 11/02/2012

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oh wow im sorry i didnt know its that bad, im so sorry......maybe you should get away from him if hes displaying violent behavior...... pack your things and stay else wear til things simmer down can you do that or would it make him act worse?

Jill - posted on 11/02/2012

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I saw your followup post. Of course you're worried, you have good reason to be. It sound like your marriage started to die a long time ago.



Here is the thing - do you want to stay with him because you have feelings for him, but continually wonder when he will cheat or leave again? Or would you rather give him up entirely and be able to sleep at night knowing for sure where things stand?



Love isn't enough. If you want to try to repair the problems, you need to get into marriage counseling. If he refuses, you know it is over.

Rachel - posted on 10/31/2012

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I couldn't be with someone that I didn't trust. It doesn't seem like either of you are happy.

Have you tried couples counseling? Maybe you should give that a shot if you haven't tried already.

Angela - posted on 10/31/2012

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why are u askin him if ur gonna stay together?? i didnt ask my ex husband that i told him it was over....



i kno your feelin crappy but if he has cheated b4 and ur suspicious hes with another woman why not just call it a day?? if he wont even answer u then thats your answer... if u dont talk, have sex, cuddle, kiss, nothin then ur not really in a relationship huni.... sounds like not a nice situation at all. if hes punchin walls id say things are goin from bad to worse.



just my opinion, i dont live your life, i just think ur tryin to flog a dead horse x

Charleen - posted on 10/30/2012

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the thing is he has done it to me before and it all started with looking at porn or leaving me for his ex or ling aout staying at work when he is with another wman. I am afraid that he doesnt want me anymore because that is more stmulating to him he would rather turn to that than to me and i have tried everything new langireis and toys and dances and everything he just pushes me away then I see that on his phone it is like hey you dont loo like these women so f you. He wont kisss me hug me or even want to talk to me that is why i assume al of this last night he punched two holes in the wall when I asked him for a direct answer on if he wanted us to stay together becauseI dont feel that he is trying to connect with e anymore i know the women wont jump off the screen but it does set a certain standards for meto have to live up to that I will never be able to do and then he wont have sex with me beause i cantdo that stuff it s rediculous but thank you

Angela - posted on 10/29/2012

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if your constantly accusing him then he wouldnt find THAT attractive, being intimate isnt just about looks its about feelings, closeness, laughin together and enjoyin bein together. you dont sound like your happy at all.... you can overcome your insecurities if you want to. if you dont love you then u will be insecure about everyone...



i dont understand womens problem with porn.... its not like these women are goin to jump off the tv/phone/computer and have sex with your man!! he didnt tell you cos you think hes cheating with his eyes. men are more visually stimulated than women, they like looking what man dont??



best you see some kind of councellor and chillax a bit.

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