I just feel so lonely!

Rachel - posted on 06/11/2010 ( 21 moms have responded )

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Hi! I have two sons, four years and 14 months. My 14 month old sleeps all the time! He wakes at 6.00am every morning, and goes back to bed around 3 hours later, then wakes around 11.00, and goes back again around 2.00 to 4.00pm. It is very limiting. He won't sleep in his buggy at all. I don't drive. Today I have just felt like I've been waiting for him to wake up all day! I have been playing with my older son, and watched a DVD with him, and had lunch together, but I just feel like I want to get out of the house more! My older son is at nursery from 9.00-11.30, and I walk to get him at 11.00am. I think it will be better when he is at full time school, as I will have time for groups, etc, but today I just feel so tearful.



I have a lovely husband who is very helpful when he has the time, but he runs his own business, sometimes works late, and is often on the phone. We have only lived in this town for 4 months, and I haven't really had a chance to get to know anyone yet. Does anyone feel the same as me?



Rachel

21 Comments

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Christie - posted on 06/15/2010

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yea, but believe it or not the facebook thing helps me a lot -- you can at least read what someone has typed to you lol you can also leave messages whenever and then they can reply when it is convenient so i find it to be very helpful for me

Ena - posted on 06/15/2010

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I wrote a convo just the same!!!!!! Ive tried a mom group...but to me they are the richy type and I just SOOO AM NOT....I feel kinda strange being there I have taken away from it something good though during nap time ive been exercising which I am in desperate need of....im so unhealthy and over weight its gross. I am soo lonely I love being with my son all day but ive taken to going to my moms two days a week. I still have younger sisters... lol I am 28 Emily 20 Teresa 16 and Kelly 13 plus my mom so I go and play while my mom watched Benjamin. its nice just getting out. Some days I want to pull my hair out....its seems odd to be bored with a three month old but sometimes I feel that way too...Good Luck! And you have all of us!!! ♥ =0)

Valeria - posted on 06/14/2010

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I am in the same position as you are I stay home all day.. When my son is sleeping I usually clean or something it drives me crazy.. I dont drive and hate being home alone.. I pretty much live in the middle of no where. Its kinda scary

Shanta - posted on 06/14/2010

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I've been their before and still fill like that now sometimes. I love my family very much. I too fill like I can't do anything but its all for the good of things.

Kayla - posted on 06/14/2010

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i kno exactly what you mean!!! i have a daughter that is about 15 months and i dont drive yet and my boyfriend works 2 pm to 2am, soo me and my daughter are home constantly!!! its drives me crazy and i kno it cant be no fun for her :(

Bobbie - posted on 06/14/2010

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what town do u live in? perhaps u can find some other moms to spend time with and let the kids play so they develop social skills and it gives you time with adults. i know i go crazy in the house by myself and a lot of times a long for interaction with other adults

Rachel - posted on 06/14/2010

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Thanks so much, Shannon! I just saw your post.

I was starting to feel like I should go away on my own for a few days, as I just felt like shouting at my husband and growling at everything last week! I don't really want to go away on my own - I would miss my babies too much, and probably be even more lonely lol! x

Rachel - posted on 06/14/2010

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Thanks Lea - that has made me feel a bit better! I think the problem is that Christian sleep so much. He gets ratty if I try to keep him up. But he did only sleep for an hour this morning (9.00am to 10.00am), so maybe it will get easier!

Nutan - if you go to a local library, they will tell you where the mother and toddler groups are and give you a phone number for the organiser.

Thanks Morag - I know I'm not on my own. It just feels that way sometimes! My older son refuses to go to bed before 9.00pm and is always up by 6.00am, so I get very tired too, which doesn't help! I feel much better after the weekend.

Thanks everyone for your help. xx

Shannon - posted on 06/14/2010

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What you are feeling is absolutely normal and you are NOT alone in how you feel. With our first three kids, the oldest was 21 months when the twins were born. Because of a car wreck, we only had one vehicle and my husband needed it for work, with long overtime hours. So I was stuck, carless, with three babies. We had just moved, so I knew no one where we live and was in the house all day with only my babies. I can tell you that this will pass. Even though that doesn't sound comforting when you want an immediate solution or help, it is true. I couldn't even take our oldest girl outside to play because there was no one to watch our babies and their allergies would act up if they were out. Talk about your shut-ins! I will be praying for good neighbors to befriend you or a group to become involved in. I know much of what you are feeling and am sorry that you are going through this right now. Things truly will get better, even though it feels like you just can't take it any more at times. Online places like this one were good for me to be able to know that there WERE other grownups out there and life would move along, at least until I met people and was able to do more with the kids. You are in my thoughts and prayers, Rachel! Hang in there.

Lea - posted on 06/14/2010

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My son had that kind of schedule when he was an infant but he got down to one nap by 11 months. But every child is different and you need to do what your baby needs. It really is just a matter of time - your baby will be one and a half soon and should take just one nap very soon. I doubt it would hurt to try to keep him up all morning and put him down right after lunch to speed the process along. And yes your other son will be in school in a few months so try to enjoy this time with him because you will never get it back. Being a mom is hard and its VERY lonely. Having different ages of kids with conflicting needs is even harder. I tried babysitting a 7-year-old when my son was 1 and ended up quitting because there was no way I could make the older child happy while still being sure my baby ate and slept. The older child needed to be in a program with kids his own age and its great that your child is in one. There is only so much you can do.

Nutan - posted on 06/14/2010

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Hi

I am inquisitive if we have any such groups where moms meet up..am new to UK and am working:) So dont get to hit into toddler-mom groups..Although I have flexibility of working from home, am usually occupied in work till late 5 ..i wish there was a better way of meeting up moms around..

Morag - posted on 06/14/2010

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Hi Rachel i to feel the same way my oldest two are at school and i dont drive either and going around on buses can be very expensive,i think we all get lonely tho and u are not on ur own xxxx

Christy - posted on 06/13/2010

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YES! You need to try to join a mom's group, or start one! Have get togethers for yourselves and the kids. Get to know other mom's in your boat. If you aren't social, try to be more assertive and make some friends. I am not very social but have managed to make a few good friends. I have only lived here 2 yrs and I know what you are going through. Also, even if baby has to miss a nap, it's ok to be a little selfish and stay out and about with him. You need your sanity!

Deanna - posted on 06/12/2010

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Go to meetup.com and look for a group in your area. I moved to Orlando almost two years ago and without the group that I met, I would have hated it here. You can find a mom's group and offer to host a playdate (with a limit to the number of people that you want to invite).

Lindsay - posted on 06/12/2010

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Hi Rachel,
I don't drive either,and yes i do feel the way your feeling at times,being a stay at home mom is a bit lonely,especially when your children are small,i also have a lovely caring husband,but likewise he isn't around much neither, so if you wanna make a friend i'm always here,or add me to facebook,i'd be happy to talk:)

Maria - posted on 06/12/2010

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YES!!! I don't drive, and moved to a new town about a month ago. Also my son (8 mo) is too young to really play or talk or anything! and my fiance is away in the Army. So I definitely understand. It's hard to get through the day sometimes. Someone suggested to me earlier to join a Mom group and our first meetup is next week! I'm thrilled and can't wait to get out of the house! You should try to do something like that when your oldest is out of daycare.

Tahlia - posted on 06/11/2010

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I know how you feel. My husbands in the military and left for Korea in September and i've been living with my inlaws over a year now with my 4 year old.

Even though i have family here i feel so alone. I wish sometimes i lived in a different area cause then it might give me more of a push to go out and meet people.

My son never sleeps so were constently going and i suffer from migraines and just had my wisdom teeth pulled so it makes it hard on my little on and im grummy all the time and i dont have the energy to listen to my inlaws complain about their lives so i stay in out rooms most for the time or we go to the park or when i get a free moment like now cause its "nap time" more like quiet time so mommy can breathe i get on here to try and relax. So even though my comments werent helpful im hoping hearing about my day to day life helps a little :) good luck and take care



Tahlia

Alicia - posted on 06/11/2010

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Hi there, just saw your post and wanted to say I want you to know you are so not alone. I am so sorry you are feeling that way. It would be nice if you could join MOPS (mothers of preschoolers). There should be a local chapter that you can link up with and what is nice is that you should be able to find several women who live in your neighborhood who would be willing to pick you and the kids up. Like our meetings are twice a month on a friday from 9:30 to 11:45, and on those days you just wing the naps and schedules and enjoy yourself. Some of us have lived in the same town for 20 + years and have felt exactly like you, all I can say is thank God for this group, I love it, it has been such blessing and my very best friends are in my life because of it. You have to find one. Also there are lots of playdates in between the meetings and you could have everyone over to your house a time or two. Hope this helps. I will pray you find a group of sweet, warm, and welcoming friends and perhaps they will become some of your best too. If I lived close to you I would come pick you up. :)

Rachel - posted on 06/11/2010

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Thank you for your responses! Yes, I am hoping that when Christian drops his morning sleep, I will be able to join some groups, and also when Lawrence is at school later than 11.30am! A lot of the groups around here are 10.00-11.30, so that is when Christian is sleeping, and then I would have to leave at 11.00 to get Lawrence!

That is a really good idea, Joan, I could start a group at my house! That would be nice actually. We have a park near us. I went to it at 4.45pm when Christian woke up today. Got back around 6.00pm. That did actually cheer me up a bit.

Our library has rhyme time on the first tues of every month, and I seem to have managed to miss it so far for various reasons. Am going to try to make it next month.

Thank you so much for your advice.

Louise - posted on 06/11/2010

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I did when my older two were small but you soon get involved with playgroups and mums and tots groups.I think I hit the baby blues when my daugher hit 6 months and then I decided that I have to change what I am doing or I am going to go mad. My daughter like your son would not sleep anywhere but in her cot and would scream blue murder if she did not get to bed. Things did get better when she stopped sleeping in the morning about 14 months and only had one sleep a day about lunch time for 2-3 hours. I knew then that I would have at least the morning to do what I needed to do.

Things do get easier as the kids get older. Try and get involved with the play group once your younger son drops his morning sleep. This way not only are you out the house but also meeting people that probably feel the same as you. It can be isolating bringing up children try and join the library as they do story time for youngsters once a week where you could meet local mums and their children. There are lots of groups around you it is just finding the right one for you and if you go and don't like it then go to another one. Don't sit at home and be miserable go out and meet people you will feel much better for it.

Joan - posted on 06/11/2010

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hi

i understand how you feel. i can't drive either. just having kids and staying home can make you feel isolated but not being able to drive compounds that feeling. have you considered looking for play groups in your area? when my kids were little i found one by looking in our local paper. once i found it i would take a taxi once a week to grt there. when some of the mothers realised i could not drive they were willing to offer to pick me up. this helped some.i also would take a taxi every now and then to a local park.this at least got me in touch with other moms.try looking into your church if you do have one.you may need to start the group at your own house if necessary.

good luck

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